-I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery (I'm afraid since I was not of Jewish lineage, God technically did not bring me out of the land of Egypt ergo he does not want me to claim him).
-Do not have any other gods before me. (There are a lot of people around the world breaking this one. Is it just me or does God seem more of a self-conscious, pimply-faced deity?)
-You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. (What about Freud's theory of 'Penis Envy.' Many woman subconsciously worship the Almighty Peep. Didn't God make woman in his image from Adam's rib or something. Does God worship the Peep above himself?)
-You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments. (I thought God was all-loving. If you failed to notice, he's flat out saying that he will punish innocent children. Hmm.. jealous and vengeful. What a wise God).
-You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name. (My Grandfather used the phrase God Damnit several times a day over the course of his successful and relative fortuitous 85 year-old life).
-Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. (God in human form, God's Son, one of the several Gods that make up what many people think is actually Christian polytheism or some conman (Jesus), says in Mark that not only was the Sabbath made for man, not the other way around, but the Sabath was/is just for Jews, so I guess all of us gentiles (the unchosen people) can sleep in).
-For six days you shall labour and do all your work. (Monday through Friday, 9 to 5. Guess most of the working class is going to hell).
-But the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work—you, your son or your daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock, or the alien resident in your towns. (Ohhhhhhh.. so God is saying that slavery is morally acceptable. Great!)
-For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but rested the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and consecrated it. (I believe we have a name for people who believe this: Fucking Batshit Ignorant DogShit Bloody Tampon-Taco Crazy.
-Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. (Most teenage girls are going to burn).
-You shall not murder. (Duh).
-You shall not commit adultery. (From a social perspective, no. From a biological perspective, adultery is more natural than green grass).
-You shall not steal. (That would be the nice thing. Tell that to the pyramid scheme sub-prime mortgage securities and derivatives dealers, or maybe that should fall under the next one).
-You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
-You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor. (Once again, it's ok to have slaves just not fuck them in the physical or in mind. Donkey? Really? Yeah, just because I have a partner means I find all other females hideous. Great intelligent design'n Jebus's Ghost).
For all you people of religion, particularly Abrahamic religions, that proclaim morality is absolute and a derivative of the above commandments, take a look at the list of 'commandments' below. Please read them carefully, study them, meditate (or pray) and compare them with your list. If you can look into your 'soul' and honestly say that you would rather live in the world with the former, we're all fucked. However, I already know your answer; I already know that no matter how much evidence and reason contradicts your amoral and paradoxical belief system, you will always side with your god because THAT IS FAITH. For everyone else, read and be enlightened:
*Do not do to others what you would not want them to do to you.
*In all things, strive to cause no harm.
*Treat your fellow human beings, your fellow living things, and the world in general with love, honesty, faithfulness and respect.
*Do not overlook evil or shrink from administering justice, but always be ready to forgive wrongdoing freely admitted and honestly regretted.
*Live life with a sense of joy and wonder.
*Always seek to be learning something new.
*Test all things; always check your ideas against the facts, and be ready to discard even a cherished belief if it does not conform to them.
*Never seek to censor or cut yourself off from dissent; always respect the right of others to disagree with you.
*Form independent opinions on the basis of your own reason and experience; do not allow yourself to be led blindly by others.
*Question everything.
