*FYI. i've been really busy lately and wrote this post a week ago,. but never really finished it....thought it should go up before tomorrow*
When I started writing to you, I really did not intend for my blog to be a platform for free-thinking, intelligent, creative (awesome, Pulitzer worthy..whatever) rants about politics and the dangers of religion. I honestly figured I'd just provide re-creations of my debaucherous encounters with syphillic biker chicks, but it is what it is and I write what's in my noggin. With that said, I would like to present you a brief social commentary influenced from navigating the underground networks. I've heard people say that they would rather have an old war veteran and a hockey mom in presidential office than two lawyers any day. *Expletive, expletive, really?! Expletive expletive perpetuation of ignorance.....EXPLETIVE!!*
There is a young woman who has been a friend of mine for the last decade. Her book-smarts have always intimidated me, but have driven me to reevaluate how I approach my own intelligence and educational motivation. As an aside, in high school she use to wear these tight black pants that would magnificently accentuate her ass - accompanied by these amazingly large eyes that are positioned in such a way as to personify beauty and stress an unadulterated kindness - that would often leave me asphyxiated in my pubescent fantasies. My lovely, generous friend has devoted her professional career to a nonprofit educational organization, soliciting funds to advance her cause and education in general. We were having a conscientious conversation - it's impossible not to with her - and she went on her logical rant of why it is so important to donate to educational causes more so than other worthy causes. Since we are both intelligent, rational and not of the journalistic credibility as say, World Net Daily, we were both under the implied understanding that she was not saying don't still adopt the starving African children. Her point was that promoting education is akin to fighting the disease (of humanity) - ignorance. Donating to starving children, the Red Cross or even cancer research, while still very important and worthy causes, is fighting a symptom and will not yield the same benefits over a long enough timeline.
Acceptance, Understanding, Equality ->
Indifference, Intolerance, Injustice ->
Acceptance, Understanding, Equality
I am in danger of becoming a radical in the fight against ignorance. No, I am NOT preaching of the benefits of becoming a far-leftwing sensitive nut job. What would I possibly do without my political incorrectness? I AM, however, speaking of making judgments based on reason. The pardoxical aspect of our intolerance is that we are actually born with an innate sense of Acceptance, Understanding and Equality.
If you think about it, we don’t really have a choice; our survival depends on our open mind. You will never see a consciously racist baby born from a mother and refuses to have anything to do with her based on her race. Our Indifference, Intolerance and Injustice is learned through our indoctrination into society, amongst other ideals and idiosyncrasies. This explains why we often become a mirror image of our parents, perpetuating the same tactics modeled for us from years of conditioning. Generally speaking, do you subscribe to the same politics as your parents; are you of the same faith; do you have the same biases; are you of analogous education?
Therein lies the fundamental problem in navigating to the end of the above paradigm. In order to overcome learned bias and perpetuated ignorance, which we all have regardless of relative societal influence, we are required to transcend our subjectivity through perspective. Circumstance often dictates the extent to which we achieve this objectivity, but ultimately it is your responsibility. That brings us to Ignorance vs. the Ignorant. You often hear the argument from tolerance saying, “Well it’s not their fault. They don’t know any better.” Well I’m here to say that at some point you have to blame the Ignorant and it’s time for some tough love.
*incomplete. missing information and motivation*
Level of education does not always correlate with intelligence or lack of stupidity; however, it does generally correlate to a greater understanding of logical arguments, tolerance and rational behavior. In most instances, level of education can be correlated to intelligence - in terms of critical thinking - using a logarithmic scale.
Education Level - Intelligence Level
High School Diploma.................1
Bachelor's Degree....................10
Master's Degree.....................100
Doctorate...............................1000
As reality indicates, there are always going to be aberrations to the rule and this model is no exception. I had someone tell me the more education they received, the more racist they became. Obviously we need to disregard certain subjects if the above model is to survive, as well as the educated idiot or the pretentious PhD that has become detrimentally single-minded. However, if I am to confidently pick a leader that is not only going to represent me in the world, but hold our collective future in their hand more so than any other person on earth, I want their intelligence level to be between 100-500. I guess you have to make up your own mind, but let's see if this comparison helps (via Pharyngula).
Barack Obama:
Columbia University - B.A.Political Science with a Specialization in International Relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude
Joseph Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in History and B.A. in Political Science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)
VS
John McCain:
United States Naval Academy - Class rank: 894 of 899
Sarah Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in Journalism
Yeah I guess you're right cliché dissenting redneck. I always thought Columbia University, Harvard and Syracuse College of Law were pretty suspect in their educational credibility. I too am scared of the impending amoral socialist state brought on by graduates of those institutions. Our only saviors are the war vet and hockey mom.
While conservative irrational fears include such nonsense as an impending fudge-packing Marxist-like state where abortions are so ubiquitous we actually play popgun with pregnant women and shoot each other with feti, liberal fears include the perpetuation of ignorance and intolerance, fear-mongered witch hunts, the Patriot Act, and thinking that can be summed up with this sign:
*incomplete, but the sign i wanted to post was something about how obama is a muslim terrorist who kills babies*
Just remember I love you all. (Well I love some of you, like many of you and just disregard the rest)
Monday, October 27, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Rebuttal to "excellent article"
I was sent the following article from a conservative family member who I respect a great deal. The email subject header read, “excellent article.”
To paraphrase, it focuses on a perceived liberal bias of the media and the double-standard this bias has created specifically between John McCain et al and Barrack Obama et al. First off, it insinuates that Joe Biden’s comment about how the world will test Barrack Obama actually stems from inside information he has obtained from serving on the Foreign Relations Committee about impending international crises.
1) The level of ignorance she has displayed in interviews since her VP candidacy has been epic. Need we talk about her comments on her foreign policy intelligence as a function of geographic proximity; or perhaps her inability to mention just ONE publication when asked which ones she read. No one can be this fucking stupid. I’m sure it has more to do with McCain campaign strategists puppeting her around than her inability to intellectually combine words to form any type of answers. I mean seriously, no one can be this fucking stupid. Obviously the above is only an anecdotal argument, but it’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want to.
2) Palin has been so illusive to the media since McCain chose her as his running mate, in perhaps the most contrived politically motivated move ever, that when she does speak, the press is extremelly interested, but unfortunately for Palin, it's usually nothing of substance.
Oh and 3). I forgot about 3). Sarah Palin has the so few morals that she chose to make an adult movie. If you don't believe me, watch the intro to her latest movie:
There’s a reason everyone likes Joe. He’s pragmatic in his approach to progressive movements such as gay rights, woman’s rights, science education, middle-class support, the environment, etc. He is an outspoken Catholic who is an ardent supporter of secularism and not allowing faith to influence the majority of his decisions. I must point out though that even Obama/Biden are against gay marriage, which I disagree with; however, I have a theory they are just pretending to be Christian for political reasons and are actually Atheists.
The article goes on to say:
What about the article indicating Joe was wrong on the Iraq War? Why is it that the people who are always so in favor of war are the pro-life, right-wing Christians? Does that not piss anyone else off? Does anyone see the hypocrisy here? Why is it that the people who are always so in favor of war are the ones who are not there themselves or willing to send other people, but not their people?
In an earlier post I touched briefly on a concept that perhaps one should not be in favor of a violent cause such as war, unless they themselves are willing go and fight and possibly die for said cause. I can see what the conservatives are saying now, “Oh another liberal oversimplification.” This is typical of similar lectures I receive from conservatives such as, “Wait until you get older; you’ll be a Republican.” Or, “Wait until you have kids; you’ll be a conservative.” I call bullshit to all of those arguments. I am liberal and progressive because like science, there is an intrinsic humility, it allows for and promates change and it admits to the one item that most conservatives resist, and that is that it conforms to the fact that everything in this world has been and will always be in flux.
I disagree with the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars because I don’t think they are winnable. I don’t think they have made us safer and in fact the very opposite. And, while we enjoy our freedom, I do not believe freedom is always ours to give.
The final part of the article is perhaps the single valid point, but does not explain the cause of the circumstance.
Ok enough with content refutation, let’s get to my ad hominem attack. Let me state for the record that this is perhaps the worst article I have read this election season, which is why I don’t read rubbish from bloody absurd sources such as World Net Daily. World Net Daily is a socially conservative publication that draws much influence from and directs most articles to the religious right. I mean right there we can conclude that WND uses logic as a basis for information and not faith, right? Not to mention that common authors for the publication include the likes of Ann Coulter, David Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly. I especially enjoyed the WND article from Anthony LoBaido claiming that 9/11 occurred because of America’s moral depravity and claimed that maybe God had created radical Islam to fight America in this regard.
Let’s hear it for irrational faith-based rhetoric.
To paraphrase, it focuses on a perceived liberal bias of the media and the double-standard this bias has created specifically between John McCain et al and Barrack Obama et al. First off, it insinuates that Joe Biden’s comment about how the world will test Barrack Obama actually stems from inside information he has obtained from serving on the Foreign Relations Committee about impending international crises.
A rational person would assume that the author is being facetious, but who knows with the standards of WND, which I will delve into soon. For sake of argument, let us assume they are being literal. Why do we have a right to know? Should we not continue to use the same school-of-thought the Bush administration has implemented over the last eight years? You know, the school-of-thought that dictates honesty and forthrightness and transparency and accountability. Frankly, I don’t understand how the conservatives at WND demand a right to know now, but had no problem being kept in the dark the last eight years. Don’t you think we had a right to know about Bush’s domestic spy program and the complicit telecommunication companies? Don’t you think we had a right to know Bush’s inclination to invade Iraq prior to 9/11/2001? According to former Treasury Secretary O’Neil and several unnamed administration sources, the Bush administration began planning to invade Iraq at its very first National Security Council meeting in January 2001, with the President stating "Go find me a way to do this." Don’t you think we had a right to know about the Bush administration’s blatant disregard for the Geneva Convention in methods of torture, not to mention secret extradition policies in order to torture in locations where the Geneva Convention had not been signed? Not that that even mattered. Don’t you think we had a right to know about the use of Depleted Uranium in Iraq, another violation of the Geneva Convention? Why is it that conservatives demand the right to know now, but not when it has mattered the most in the last eight years?“Is Russia about to move on the Crimea? Is Israel about to launch air strikes on Iran's nuclear sites? What is Joe talking about?”
“If one assumes Joe is a serious man, we have a right to know.”
“Had John McCain made that hair-raising statement, he would have been accused of fear mongering about a new 9/11.”There’s a credible reason McCain would have been accused of fear mongering. Fear mongering has been a quintensential Republican campaign platform since 2000 and probably before I was old enough to understand these unethical campaign strategies. Win at all costs, right?
Contrasting McCain with his hero, Joe declared a few weeks back, "When the stockmarket crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and ... said, 'Look,here's what happened.'"Obviously this is a gaff and historically inaccurate.
Can one imagine what the press would have done to Sarah Palin had she exhibited such ignorance of history? Joe gets a pass because everybody likes Joe.There are two reasons the press would have been all over Palin had she exhibited such ignorance:
1) The level of ignorance she has displayed in interviews since her VP candidacy has been epic. Need we talk about her comments on her foreign policy intelligence as a function of geographic proximity; or perhaps her inability to mention just ONE publication when asked which ones she read. No one can be this fucking stupid. I’m sure it has more to do with McCain campaign strategists puppeting her around than her inability to intellectually combine words to form any type of answers. I mean seriously, no one can be this fucking stupid. Obviously the above is only an anecdotal argument, but it’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want to.
2) Palin has been so illusive to the media since McCain chose her as his running mate, in perhaps the most contrived politically motivated move ever, that when she does speak, the press is extremelly interested, but unfortunately for Palin, it's usually nothing of substance.
Oh and 3). I forgot about 3). Sarah Palin has the so few morals that she chose to make an adult movie. If you don't believe me, watch the intro to her latest movie:
There’s a reason everyone likes Joe. He’s pragmatic in his approach to progressive movements such as gay rights, woman’s rights, science education, middle-class support, the environment, etc. He is an outspoken Catholic who is an ardent supporter of secularism and not allowing faith to influence the majority of his decisions. I must point out though that even Obama/Biden are against gay marriage, which I disagree with; however, I have a theory they are just pretending to be Christian for political reasons and are actually Atheists.
The article goes on to say:
Has anyone ever asked Joe about his own and his party's role in cutting off aid to South Vietnam, leading to the greatest strategic defeat in U.S. history and the Cambodian holocaust?Ok, I’m not sure how the U.S. decision to leave Vietnam led to Pol Pot’s Khmer Rouge murder of thousands of Cambodians, but saying Joe was wrong in cutting off aid to end the Vietnam War, come on. Tell that to one of the 68,000 Americans who died, or perhaps the majority of soldiers who came home and eventually protested the war outwardly or inwardly.
What about the article indicating Joe was wrong on the Iraq War? Why is it that the people who are always so in favor of war are the pro-life, right-wing Christians? Does that not piss anyone else off? Does anyone see the hypocrisy here? Why is it that the people who are always so in favor of war are the ones who are not there themselves or willing to send other people, but not their people?
In an earlier post I touched briefly on a concept that perhaps one should not be in favor of a violent cause such as war, unless they themselves are willing go and fight and possibly die for said cause. I can see what the conservatives are saying now, “Oh another liberal oversimplification.” This is typical of similar lectures I receive from conservatives such as, “Wait until you get older; you’ll be a Republican.” Or, “Wait until you have kids; you’ll be a conservative.” I call bullshit to all of those arguments. I am liberal and progressive because like science, there is an intrinsic humility, it allows for and promates change and it admits to the one item that most conservatives resist, and that is that it conforms to the fact that everything in this world has been and will always be in flux.
I disagree with the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars because I don’t think they are winnable. I don’t think they have made us safer and in fact the very opposite. And, while we enjoy our freedom, I do not believe freedom is always ours to give.
The final part of the article is perhaps the single valid point, but does not explain the cause of the circumstance.
Can one imagine "Saturday Night Live" doing weekly send-ups of Michelle Obama and her "I've never been proud" of my country, this "just downright mean"This is definitely something in which I do not identify with left-wing philosophies. I am very into my political incorrectness and think there is a double-standard when it comes to racism. However, we have to ask ourselves why this double-standard exists. Let me list a few cause and effect words: kidnapping, human trade, slavery, selective human breeding, rape, torture, whipping, lynching, underground railroad, forced conscription, nigger, kkk, Jim Crow, 2/3 vote, separate but equal, segregation, and so on. That’s why there’s a god damn double-standard and while I’m not racist, but willing to offend black and white alike, I understand why this double-standard exists. It is reparations I must pay for the utter lack of humanity and ignorance of my ancestors.
America, using a black comedienne to mimic and mock her voice and accent?
"Saturday Night Live" would be facing hate-crime charges.
Ok enough with content refutation, let’s get to my ad hominem attack. Let me state for the record that this is perhaps the worst article I have read this election season, which is why I don’t read rubbish from bloody absurd sources such as World Net Daily. World Net Daily is a socially conservative publication that draws much influence from and directs most articles to the religious right. I mean right there we can conclude that WND uses logic as a basis for information and not faith, right? Not to mention that common authors for the publication include the likes of Ann Coulter, David Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly. I especially enjoyed the WND article from Anthony LoBaido claiming that 9/11 occurred because of America’s moral depravity and claimed that maybe God had created radical Islam to fight America in this regard.
Let’s hear it for irrational faith-based rhetoric.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
She's Gone from Suck to Blow (Spaceballs)
Did you know that you don't get sucked out of a spaceship, you get blown out of a spaceship?
This is something we should all be aware of during the inevitable mass exodus to Mars if the religious right continue their reign of intolerance.
via Bad Astronomer
This is something we should all be aware of during the inevitable mass exodus to Mars if the religious right continue their reign of intolerance.
via Bad Astronomer
Ignorance Incarnate
Ohh small-town America, why must ye continue to reinforce correlation and causation between population density -> never leaving the farm -> religion -> ignorance?
New McCarthyism
Michelle Bachman, Republican Representative from Minnesota, calls for an inquiry to discover anti-Americans in congress in what is frightingly similar to McCarthy era witch hunts.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Whiskey and Aspartame Digressions
Do not drink and post…. o r s h o u l d I ???
Through my disparate thoughting, I’ve discovered the only time I’m creatively juiced is following 32 cups of coffee, 14 beers and/or seven omegendorphs. It’s actually quite upsetting because I’m without a doubt my own worst enemy, yet when I go back and read my material I tend to impress myself with a too often repressed ability to arrange text into coherent, perhaps clever formulations. Not necessarily clever to you, but clever to my own worst enemy. If you’ve ever seen the movie “Awakened” with Robbin Williams, you might understand how I feel. Actually my whole life kinda seems like that movie.
So I’m sitting on the couch with my laptop on my lap’s top, Alexander Keith is resting up against my hip, my feet propped on a coffee table cluttered with stained wine glasses, beer bottles, cell phones, wallet, calling card, some loonies and toonies; looking through the 6x15 ft living room window out through the struggling pine trees to the flowing lunar reflection. I have to piss, but of course my urinary lethargy will outweigh my bladder pangs until my protruding abdomen effects my liquid crystal display location. (What an absurd sentence). This study is indicative of my perceived intelligence: Daniel Oppenheimer of Princeton University: "Consequences of Erudite Vernacular Utilized Irrespective of Necessity: Problems with Using Long Words Needlessly."
Without a doubt, this is a place I will most likely miss only once that whole idea of hindsight presents itself. Despite the utter boredom on my 3.5 days off per week, French-Canadian living has not been without great stories and positive changes. Actually this may be going a bit too far so let me retract and rearticulate. In the combined 4.5 months in Canada this year, I’ve done some new stuff, like:
*Tim Horton’s – The Canadian equivalent of Dunkin Doughnuts, yet where America might run on Dunkin, Canada has placed Timmy’s on the top of their food pyramid. Tim Horton’s, appropriately named after the Canadian hockey player, Tim Horton, is a – if not thee – Canadian institution. Without fail, there will be a line of cars in the Tim Horton’s drive through at 9pm. Are these people drinking coffee? The running joke about Timmy’s coffee is that it is so strong, many people believe they add a small dosage of heroin to each cup. Similar to Lay’s Wow Chips containing Olean and the actual warnings of anal leakage, Tim Horton’s coffee cups contain the following warning: *The contents may be very hot. The contents my cause sphincter dilation* It is not a non sequitur that Tim Horton’s, with the federally allowed maximum dosage of caffeine in each cup of coffee, also has the most disturbingly poopy bathrooms.
*Hockey and Molson – That’s right, much to the chagrin of my countless friends enjoying Iowa football today and watching college football and MLB Playoffs throughout the week, I drink Molson Canadian and watch NHL Hockey; my new team….Detroit Redwings. More out of desperation than personal preference, actually completely out of desperation, many nights throughout the week consist of watching hockey and drinking either the previously mentioned beer, Labatt Blue, Alexander Keith’s, Moosehead or Alpine. Hockey gets a bad wrap, especially in the Midwest, and stems from ignorance and an inability to appreciate the game as a result of never playing the game. We all know how much I enjoy being different just for the sake of being different, so upon my return to the US, much to the chagrin of my football, baseball and basketball loving friends, I will watch hockey.
*Misc – Lobster footlong from Subway. Boiled alive my first Lobster. Cooked my first Turkey.
It was beautiful, but too dry. Picked up my first hitchhiker, which I will elaborate on in my next post. Saw my first moose. Still haven’t seen my first bear. Debated my first Mormon. Did you know Mormons were not allowed to consume caffeine until the Mormon Church bought shares in Coca-Cola? Anyone else see the hypocrisy there? Saw my first bomb. Got hooked on Vanilla Silk; seriously, it’s so much better than cow juice. Got my third and largest tattoo. Used military-grade GPS equipment not yet available to civilians. Started drinking instant coffee. Unwillingly became celibate. Fell in love with three lesbians, two of which are twin singers, the other a political commentator. Completely filled my 30 gig iPod and 40 gig computer. No Fix, not with what you think, mostly mp3s, audiobooks, southpark and battlestar. Flew on my first prop. Smoked my first Cuban cigar. Kinda gross actually. Drank at my first bootlegger. Solidified my atheism.
I recently had someone very close to me say that they are worried that my deep-thinking will prevent happiness. This person, who I love unequivocally, equated a lack of spiritual faith with unhappiness and absence of a meaningful existence. This person also said they prayed for me and prayed that there is an afterlife. I found this quite peculiar especially since the presence of an afterlife is independent of willing said afterlife. Right? I mean it only makes sense that praying for an afterlife is not going to manifest an actual afterlife, rather an afterlife either exists or it doesn’t. My consciousness will either continue after physical death or it won’t, regardless of my belief.
I hope that there is some form of continuation, but I have absolutely no faith in the idea. The concept of an afterlife without one single piece of concrete evidence – faith – contradicts everything we have worked for and established in our modern civilization including our justice system, technological advances, modern medicine and so on. Any time you talk on your cell phone, watch your flat screen, take your antibiotic, you hurt what little evidence you have for a validated faith and move toward a faith based on nothing more than a deep longing. Every time you use a computer, the internet, a car, electricity, drink a diet coke or a decaf coffee, you are acknowledging the credibility behind the scientific method.
Faith is absurd. I’m not using this in an insulting capacity by any means, but relative to the airplane you travel on, the lawnmower that cuts your grass or the shampoo that strengthens your hair, faith contradicts everything we know and have proven of our reality. I truly hope one day science proves an afterlife; however, it will definitely not be proven through the conclusion-shaping-evidence theory of Intelligent Design or through a historical, subjective text. Ergo, your faith is what it is. It is believing in something with absolutely no evidence. With that said, I don’t mind people close to me having faith to help with the disparities of life and I often envy the ability to believe in something more. However, don’t tell me I’m going to hell for favoring abortion. Don’t push crazy theories to be taught alongside substantiated science in schools. Don’t claim natural disasters are acts of vengeful gods. Don’t use the absurdities of faith to shape your views of politics and foreign policies. Don’t get excited over conflict in the Middle East because in the infinite number of interpretations that can be formulated, you choose the one that coincides with the rapture and Revelations.
Remember the Simpson’s episode where Homer removes the crayon from his nose and suddenly becomes a genius. Homer’s newfound intellect allows him to prove that God does not exist. Well Flanders, the devout Christian, happens upon the proof, takes a look and says, “Whoops, better get rid of this.” He burns it and continues to church. What would you do if you knew without a doubt there was no God? What would you do if you knew without a doubt there is a God? What would you do if you knew without a doubt there is a God and everyone who has ever existed including Mao Tse Tung, Me, homosexual Catholic Priests who molest little boys, you, Pat Robertson, Keith Olberman, George W. Bush, Ted Haggard and even Hitler, were allowed into Heaven? It’s amazing what we don’t know yet assume to know. It’s amazing what we don’t know today yet will know tomorrow.
Did you know that you can actually catch a fart and place it on someone's face? Did you know that the pharmaceutical industry actually spends more on marketing than research and development? Did you know that one time I was so drunk and horny I passed out jerking off and woke up dick-in-hand? Did you know that many intellectuals and insiders such as Bob Woodward attribute the drop in Iraqi violence not to the troop surge as the current administration suggests, but due to new clandestine tactics? Did you know that it doesn't take a genius to get a bachelor's degree, master's degree or even a PhD and become an educated idiot and endorse a topic such as the scientifically unverifiable Intelligent Design theory and that there is even a PhD by the name of Gerardus D. Bouw that is a Geocentrist? Did you know Sarah Palin has stated on numerous occasions that abortion of any type, even due to rape and incest, should be illegal? Did you know that due to uncontrollable, intense urethral contractions, inadvertently projecting ejaculate on your face is deeply disturbing, yet quite impressive? Did you know what you know today might not be what you knew yesterday and what you know tomorrow might not be what you knew today?
You know, whether or not my consciousness continues after physical life is neither here nor there. If my consciousness continues, cool. If my consciousness does not continue, well guess what, I won’t be conscious to realize how much it sucks. So I digress. It’s obvious that my lack of faith is eternally detrimental to my existence.
The Word of Whiskey and Aspartame Digressions
Through my disparate thoughting, I’ve discovered the only time I’m creatively juiced is following 32 cups of coffee, 14 beers and/or seven omegendorphs. It’s actually quite upsetting because I’m without a doubt my own worst enemy, yet when I go back and read my material I tend to impress myself with a too often repressed ability to arrange text into coherent, perhaps clever formulations. Not necessarily clever to you, but clever to my own worst enemy. If you’ve ever seen the movie “Awakened” with Robbin Williams, you might understand how I feel. Actually my whole life kinda seems like that movie.
So I’m sitting on the couch with my laptop on my lap’s top, Alexander Keith is resting up against my hip, my feet propped on a coffee table cluttered with stained wine glasses, beer bottles, cell phones, wallet, calling card, some loonies and toonies; looking through the 6x15 ft living room window out through the struggling pine trees to the flowing lunar reflection. I have to piss, but of course my urinary lethargy will outweigh my bladder pangs until my protruding abdomen effects my liquid crystal display location. (What an absurd sentence). This study is indicative of my perceived intelligence: Daniel Oppenheimer of Princeton University: "Consequences of Erudite Vernacular Utilized Irrespective of Necessity: Problems with Using Long Words Needlessly."
Without a doubt, this is a place I will most likely miss only once that whole idea of hindsight presents itself. Despite the utter boredom on my 3.5 days off per week, French-Canadian living has not been without great stories and positive changes. Actually this may be going a bit too far so let me retract and rearticulate. In the combined 4.5 months in Canada this year, I’ve done some new stuff, like:
*Tim Horton’s – The Canadian equivalent of Dunkin Doughnuts, yet where America might run on Dunkin, Canada has placed Timmy’s on the top of their food pyramid. Tim Horton’s, appropriately named after the Canadian hockey player, Tim Horton, is a – if not thee – Canadian institution. Without fail, there will be a line of cars in the Tim Horton’s drive through at 9pm. Are these people drinking coffee? The running joke about Timmy’s coffee is that it is so strong, many people believe they add a small dosage of heroin to each cup. Similar to Lay’s Wow Chips containing Olean and the actual warnings of anal leakage, Tim Horton’s coffee cups contain the following warning: *The contents may be very hot. The contents my cause sphincter dilation* It is not a non sequitur that Tim Horton’s, with the federally allowed maximum dosage of caffeine in each cup of coffee, also has the most disturbingly poopy bathrooms.
*Hockey and Molson – That’s right, much to the chagrin of my countless friends enjoying Iowa football today and watching college football and MLB Playoffs throughout the week, I drink Molson Canadian and watch NHL Hockey; my new team….Detroit Redwings. More out of desperation than personal preference, actually completely out of desperation, many nights throughout the week consist of watching hockey and drinking either the previously mentioned beer, Labatt Blue, Alexander Keith’s, Moosehead or Alpine. Hockey gets a bad wrap, especially in the Midwest, and stems from ignorance and an inability to appreciate the game as a result of never playing the game. We all know how much I enjoy being different just for the sake of being different, so upon my return to the US, much to the chagrin of my football, baseball and basketball loving friends, I will watch hockey.
*Misc – Lobster footlong from Subway. Boiled alive my first Lobster. Cooked my first Turkey.
It was beautiful, but too dry. Picked up my first hitchhiker, which I will elaborate on in my next post. Saw my first moose. Still haven’t seen my first bear. Debated my first Mormon. Did you know Mormons were not allowed to consume caffeine until the Mormon Church bought shares in Coca-Cola? Anyone else see the hypocrisy there? Saw my first bomb. Got hooked on Vanilla Silk; seriously, it’s so much better than cow juice. Got my third and largest tattoo. Used military-grade GPS equipment not yet available to civilians. Started drinking instant coffee. Unwillingly became celibate. Fell in love with three lesbians, two of which are twin singers, the other a political commentator. Completely filled my 30 gig iPod and 40 gig computer. No Fix, not with what you think, mostly mp3s, audiobooks, southpark and battlestar. Flew on my first prop. Smoked my first Cuban cigar. Kinda gross actually. Drank at my first bootlegger. Solidified my atheism.
I recently had someone very close to me say that they are worried that my deep-thinking will prevent happiness. This person, who I love unequivocally, equated a lack of spiritual faith with unhappiness and absence of a meaningful existence. This person also said they prayed for me and prayed that there is an afterlife. I found this quite peculiar especially since the presence of an afterlife is independent of willing said afterlife. Right? I mean it only makes sense that praying for an afterlife is not going to manifest an actual afterlife, rather an afterlife either exists or it doesn’t. My consciousness will either continue after physical death or it won’t, regardless of my belief.
I hope that there is some form of continuation, but I have absolutely no faith in the idea. The concept of an afterlife without one single piece of concrete evidence – faith – contradicts everything we have worked for and established in our modern civilization including our justice system, technological advances, modern medicine and so on. Any time you talk on your cell phone, watch your flat screen, take your antibiotic, you hurt what little evidence you have for a validated faith and move toward a faith based on nothing more than a deep longing. Every time you use a computer, the internet, a car, electricity, drink a diet coke or a decaf coffee, you are acknowledging the credibility behind the scientific method.
Faith is absurd. I’m not using this in an insulting capacity by any means, but relative to the airplane you travel on, the lawnmower that cuts your grass or the shampoo that strengthens your hair, faith contradicts everything we know and have proven of our reality. I truly hope one day science proves an afterlife; however, it will definitely not be proven through the conclusion-shaping-evidence theory of Intelligent Design or through a historical, subjective text. Ergo, your faith is what it is. It is believing in something with absolutely no evidence. With that said, I don’t mind people close to me having faith to help with the disparities of life and I often envy the ability to believe in something more. However, don’t tell me I’m going to hell for favoring abortion. Don’t push crazy theories to be taught alongside substantiated science in schools. Don’t claim natural disasters are acts of vengeful gods. Don’t use the absurdities of faith to shape your views of politics and foreign policies. Don’t get excited over conflict in the Middle East because in the infinite number of interpretations that can be formulated, you choose the one that coincides with the rapture and Revelations.
Remember the Simpson’s episode where Homer removes the crayon from his nose and suddenly becomes a genius. Homer’s newfound intellect allows him to prove that God does not exist. Well Flanders, the devout Christian, happens upon the proof, takes a look and says, “Whoops, better get rid of this.” He burns it and continues to church. What would you do if you knew without a doubt there was no God? What would you do if you knew without a doubt there is a God? What would you do if you knew without a doubt there is a God and everyone who has ever existed including Mao Tse Tung, Me, homosexual Catholic Priests who molest little boys, you, Pat Robertson, Keith Olberman, George W. Bush, Ted Haggard and even Hitler, were allowed into Heaven? It’s amazing what we don’t know yet assume to know. It’s amazing what we don’t know today yet will know tomorrow.
Did you know that you can actually catch a fart and place it on someone's face? Did you know that the pharmaceutical industry actually spends more on marketing than research and development? Did you know that one time I was so drunk and horny I passed out jerking off and woke up dick-in-hand? Did you know that many intellectuals and insiders such as Bob Woodward attribute the drop in Iraqi violence not to the troop surge as the current administration suggests, but due to new clandestine tactics? Did you know that it doesn't take a genius to get a bachelor's degree, master's degree or even a PhD and become an educated idiot and endorse a topic such as the scientifically unverifiable Intelligent Design theory and that there is even a PhD by the name of Gerardus D. Bouw that is a Geocentrist? Did you know Sarah Palin has stated on numerous occasions that abortion of any type, even due to rape and incest, should be illegal? Did you know that due to uncontrollable, intense urethral contractions, inadvertently projecting ejaculate on your face is deeply disturbing, yet quite impressive? Did you know what you know today might not be what you knew yesterday and what you know tomorrow might not be what you knew today?
You know, whether or not my consciousness continues after physical life is neither here nor there. If my consciousness continues, cool. If my consciousness does not continue, well guess what, I won’t be conscious to realize how much it sucks. So I digress. It’s obvious that my lack of faith is eternally detrimental to my existence.
The Word of Whiskey and Aspartame Digressions
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Sarah Palin: Admitted Pro-Life Extremist
This is an intriguing advertisement that, to the best of my knowledge, aired shortly after the debate last night in the DC area.
via dailykos
via dailykos
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
New Spokesperson for Atheists
Check out Laci, atheism's newly proclaimed liaison to the masses. Well, my newly proclaimed atheist goddess.
I couldn't put it more eloquently. I couldn't look that good if I tried .
via Phyrangula
I couldn't put it more eloquently. I couldn't look that good if I tried .
via Phyrangula
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Butt-Licker Awards
*music intro* *groovin baseline* ....."I say the hip, hop, hippin to the hippin to the hip hip hop you don't stop rockin to the bang, bang a boogity de bang bang banganbasdbasldbas.......
A chilly greetings to the internet world this Canadian morning!!! Only seven working days left in this hidden little third-world barely surviving off the Canuck version of welfare and unemployment. Think you have it bad back home with the fear-mongered (probably justifiably so) economic crisis? Well you should jet-plane up yonder and soak in the true meaning of financially destitute. Like many impoverished places around the world, lifestyles are simplistic and happiness is often independent of/and perpetuated through the detachment of material wealth. Just like the everyday douche bag stumbling through life, people gravitate to the path of least resistance, across the concentration gradient of sadness to happiness. Whether or not a chosen lifestyle is deliberate or not is beside the point that when fewer factors are introduced, a conscious significance can be grasped with relative ease.
You ask any cultural anthropologist and I'm confident they will completely agree with me. I'm also confident 99% of you don't know a cultural anthropologist to corroborate my claim and the other 1% of you who do know a cultural anthropologist are probably too pretentious to give my kick ass blog credibility anyway. It doesn't take much thought or research though to make similar deductions. You can even do it from your couch. (Directed at some of my friends). Just look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
A chilly greetings to the internet world this Canadian morning!!! Only seven working days left in this hidden little third-world barely surviving off the Canuck version of welfare and unemployment. Think you have it bad back home with the fear-mongered (probably justifiably so) economic crisis? Well you should jet-plane up yonder and soak in the true meaning of financially destitute. Like many impoverished places around the world, lifestyles are simplistic and happiness is often independent of/and perpetuated through the detachment of material wealth. Just like the everyday douche bag stumbling through life, people gravitate to the path of least resistance, across the concentration gradient of sadness to happiness. Whether or not a chosen lifestyle is deliberate or not is beside the point that when fewer factors are introduced, a conscious significance can be grasped with relative ease.
You ask any cultural anthropologist and I'm confident they will completely agree with me. I'm also confident 99% of you don't know a cultural anthropologist to corroborate my claim and the other 1% of you who do know a cultural anthropologist are probably too pretentious to give my kick ass blog credibility anyway. It doesn't take much thought or research though to make similar deductions. You can even do it from your couch. (Directed at some of my friends). Just look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
Given that Maslow's theories are not chalked up as the disparate thoughts of another educated idiot, we can conclude that the introduction of material wealth, or the intentional seeking of said wealth, will prevent us from ascending the triangular order. In accordance with the hierarchy, as long as material wealth is sufficient to sustain basal needs, its presence is not required and clearly detrimental to self-development. Perhaps an academic oversimplification, but all you have to do is look at the relative happiness of third-world cultures in the absence of material wealth and you will see the correlation with the mighty triangle.
Why does this piss me off? Well it's taken me most of my years to identify the inherent self-deluded elements of mass-consumerism, which is the first step to strip the bounds that prevent an expedited triangular ascension. Yet instead of identifying areas of improvement, I choose to ignore this small enlightenment and consciously perpetuate this way of life. Without attempting to further explain the psychology of this decision making -- too lazy and ignorant, but mostly too lazy -- let’s get to the first Butt-Licker Award.
...and the first 
ME!!!
Moving on. The next
OPRAH and the other Self-Righteous Assholes!!
Oprah Winfrey is a perfect example of a runaway ego inflated by the listless housewife and the inherent self-righteousness that follows great wealth. Truly unfortunate is the state of our vicarious desires through fame, which undoubtedly leads to liberal self-righteous douchery. Until something catastrophic occurs in our country, we will continue to have apathetic, superficial, ignorant and often obese children who have no concerns other than fulfilling their next instant self-gratification. These apathetic, superficial, ignorant and often obese children grow and turn into apathetic, superficial, ignorant and often obese teenagers and eventually apathetic, superficial, ignorant and often obese young adults who DO NOT VOTE!!! That’s why when I saw this video on the YouTubes, it just further reinforced my views of ultra liberal demigod douche bags.
On the surface, one sees what appear to be several fresh-faced, socially active celebrities speaking in the language of youth – sarcastic irony – and urging young people to vote. This was truly a beautiful site. These people who appear to have it made both financially and spiritually are trying to reach out to the young apathetics who don’t invest much thought in current events. Through often humorous and witty irony, they stressed that we really should care about issues like genocide, racism, war, poverty, etc. I praised Jesus for giving me the benefit of this video because if it weren’t for these socially-aware celebs, well goodness I wouldn’t have known about these issues.
What a God-Damn joke direct from the capitol of Cloud-City itself. It doesn’t take a genius to see the transparency of this junk and frankly, if you weren’t as fucking insulted as I was after wasting time on this, go lick your own ass. If you didn’t feel patronized by this video, I’m guessing you are apathetic, superficial, ignorant and often obese. Unfortunately we have created these unconscious demigods whose lifestyle is again so inherently out of touch with the average citizen that they have no business lecturing us on why we should vote. It’s not the fact that these douche bag celebrities are trying to make a positive difference. I mean look at Bono. King of all self-righteous king douche bags, yet he has undoubtedly made a net positive difference in Africa. Self-righteousness is the price he has to pay for the fame we provided if he wants to make a difference in the world. However, this joke of a social outreach video has two aspects that led to the awarding of a Butt-Licker:
1) The primary source of disrespect came from the passive-aggressive approach in presenting their thesis. For you apathetic, superficial, ignorant and often obese, the thesis was NOT go out and vote. The thesis WAS go out and vote for Obama. Ok I’ll be the first to admit that I’m liberal on most issues and I’ll admit that I already voted (absentee) for Obama. That’s not the point. The point is that these cash-chuckers are lying right to our face! It’s subtle – only if you’re ignorant – propaganda that happens to favor something I believe in, but so full of shit that I just can’t keep quiet.
2) These butt holes are directing their fresh-scented poo to two classes of people. The first class is the apathetic, superficial, ignorant and often obese. The second class is the citizen that has felt so oppressed and weakened by policies that seem to favor one social class and one race, they have adopted the inevitable defeatist attitude. If the former class votes at all, they will most likely vote just like Mommy and Daddy – the people who provided this lackadaisical indoctrination – and often times perpetuate these oppressive policies. So really the douchey celebs are directing their empty propaganda solely toward the latter. Que hilarity. These celebrities really think that people who feel so powerless from years of struggle through capitalism, racism, social bigotry, that they are going to listen to a bunch of pretentious fuckers purge their ultra-liberal rhetoric?
Back to Oprah. I’m sure Oprah has made some positive impact in all of her capitalist hording. She’s even recommended some great books that I allowed myself to read thanks to the weak adhesive holding her Book Club sticker on the cover. Oprah does not get the Butt-Licker because of some underlying psychological reason for philanthropic efforts or the ensuing wave of ego inflation. The well-deserved Butt-Licker is being awarded to Oprah due to her resonating perpetuation of self-proclaimed spiritual advisors. Oprah has used her platform to endorse such new-age spiritualists as Kelly Freston, former model and self-help author, Ronda Byrne, author of the Secret, and Eckart Tolle, author of A New Earth.
Without getting too bogged down with the often absurd details of this new-age spiritualism, it’s a lot of unsubstantiated claims and faith-based rhetoric. If you are capable of faith – believing in something without evidence, which I am not – then great, you should check out some of this stuff because it will more than likely help. Many of these new teachings do make valid arguments, such as the power of positive thought. However, a book like The Secret makes huge (faith-based) inferences about current scientific awareness (quantum mechanics) and the universe (our thoughts) at large. Oh and lets not forget to mention it also claims that the Jews were slaughtered during the holocaust because of their thoughts! If you don’t believe me, read it!
Tolle’s A New Earth, while making several claims on faith, is actually rooted in new metaphysical perspectives on psychology. Actually, Tolle’s teachings parallels Zen Buddhism, which despite supernatural components, has very credible results on the mind as discovered through advances in MRI technology.
Regardless of physiological efficacy of this new age spiritualism, the placebo effect is very powerful on the mind and hey, if it works for you then great. Just be absolutely aware that these so-called spiritual advisors are raking in literal millions upon millions of your dollars. Even Eckart Tolle, perhaps the most credible among the lot, is a multi-millionaire. Does anyone else see a conflict of interest between spirituality and cash?!?! How the fuck can you trust the likes of a Ronda Byrne to guide you through the spiritual ether if her financial agenda, whether intentional or not, far outweighs any other agenda? In terms of spirituality, you should not trust ANYONE who consorts with capitalism!!!
Here is a great article on Oprah and The Secret. http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2007/03/05/the_secret/
There will be many more Butt-Licker recipients because we all know there are many more Butt-Lickers out there. Before I leave, let me just point out that I don’t blame celebrities for being self-righteous douche bags by accepting our money then telling us how to live our lives. We all have to justify our existence in one way or the other, and when you live as empty a life as most of these people – in terms of Maslow’s Theory – you’d probably do the same thing. Hell I’d probably do the same thing had I been dealt a similar hand, but I wasn’t, they were. I’m not a self-righteous douche bag, they are.
With all that said. My ultimate goal is to win the powerball and become a rich, white, ultra-conservative, religious republican and continue to perpetuate the oppression of poor minorities in order to live in an illusory sense of happiness provided by private jet excursions, Ted Haggard-esque men’s restroom blow jobs, N.I.M.B.Y. and of course jerking off to Jesus because I really, really……..really really really love him.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Black Like….Amy Winehouse? What?!
Is it possible to inject further sexual ambiguity in my life this Halloween?
Can you guess which one is me?
Can you guess which one is me?Oh without a frickin doubt! Modeled after Caucasian journalist/author John Howard Griffin’s social experiment detailed in his 1961 piece Black Like Me, my 2007 work titled, Slut Like Me or Tranny Like Me: What a Joke of an Excuse to be Gay for a Night *he HE* (Wow, that High-Pitched Giggle was a Double Entendre), set out to determine if a self-hating straight man could ascertain a first-hand perspective of the discrimination experienced by dirty whores and transsexuals *pause* or dirty whore transsexuals. Unfortunately, as of yet, no major publications have accepted my study.
In order to divest myself from socially ingrained heterosexual idiosyncrasies, I began haunting the London night to give blow jobs in dodgy neighborhoods….............................................*bet you're nervous*................................. ok that’s not entirely accurate. Actually that Jen-girl dressed up as a man and I documented her dodgy-alley blow jobs. What a sacrifice in the name of social science. *shhhhhhh* Just between me and you I think she had done this before. In all honesty, if my sexual orientation called for laying pipe with the plumber or grooving with that luscious lookin Oak Tree in my backyard, as long as it doesn’t adversely affect the receiver (ok really, really bad choice of words there), you better believe I’m going to partake regardless of stigmatic severity.
After preliminary research was complete, it was time to get into my physical character. With the help of my two roommates, Jean and that Jen-girl, various make-ups were applied; my back was shaved (thanks Jen-girl) to introduce contrast to my man-animal-like chest; a rather small halter top was Hulked on; some rather small capris were strategically zipped up exposing a genital silhouette that gave new meaning to junk in the trunk; and finally the life-blood of my character was placed ever so gently on my noggin in a ceremonial manner that is rivaled only by the dawning of Darth Vader’s mask.
THE ANDROGYNOUS WHORE WAS BORN
Due to my extreme dedication to character and study alike, I got way too fucking drunk and had to interpolate most of my data around three distinct events. Unfortunately my colleagues found this interpolation a blatant attempt to falsify data and blacklisted me from the scientific community. The Androgynous Whore was bitched slapped from every major relevant publication including Nature, Scientific America and BIcurious Biweekly.
Are you wondering what these three distinct events were? Well here they are listed in chronological order.
Distinct Event #1
The Androgynous Whore made out with Daphne from Scooby Doo. I’m not sure what sparked this event, but knew it could only be of utmost importance to my scientific investigation.
Distinct Event #2
Have you ever been propositioned by a lesbian to partake in a threesome with me, shit, I mean you and another heterosexual girl who would only partake if I, shit, I mean you would partake because this horny lesbian really wanted to get with this heterosexual girl? Complex sexual dynamics can only begin to describe that scenario.
Distinct Event #3
At some point in the morning, being guided only by my unconscious self, hair askew with now several protruding bald spots, lipstick smeared all over my face with smearage being a function of my debauchery, an alcohol stained halter top, asphyxiated genitals and with one remaining sandal, The Androgynous Whore ventured out into the London night in search of home. Now barefoot from snapping my remaining foot protection five steps into the journey, The Whore did what she did on her way to the study location earlier in the night. She cocked her wrists, jutted her chest and shook those hips like she had flaming rainbow propellant gushing out her ass. You might think the study reached a climax during Distinct Event #1 or Distinct Event #2, but it actually came a block from home when The Whore passed a group of night people, one of whom yelled, “Fag!” At last, success!! My goal was to experience discrimination and alas, discrimination.
The question that remains, from analysis of failure points and with new protocols, should I perform an analogous study this year? The chances – if only for morale purposes in an attempt to reverse French-Canadian brainwashing – are very good. My plan of action has not yet been finalized, but let me give you an intro into Slut/Gay Study ’08. As of now, my flight home is October 31st, aka Halloween. I know of at least one Halloween party. I have not drank since Labor Day weekend. This may produce a literal all-day bender on Fri, Oct 31st, starting before my flight, resulting in getting dressed up for my flight and carrying these activities long into the night. I mean it only makes sense and in the name of science, what could possibly go wrong?
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Back on the North of My Bipolar (blogo)Sphere.
Several weeks back when I decided to once again spew my mental humdrums to the masses, the effects of this blogosphere indoctrination were not yet clear. I was (am) motivated to transpose my lottery-balls to a coherent format if only for my own wellbeing. Release always seems to bring about introspective peace, regardless of the subjective quality of said release. Inducing bodily trauma, whether through rigorous exercise or self-mutilation, releases endorphins to cope with the stress. Talking about issues, whether through a formal debate or in a wooden box speaking to a self-appointed liaison of a fictitious being, gives us a recovered understanding of the world around us and often provides a new sense of calm. Orgasms, it is said, whether a result of the tragically boring missionary sex with Mary-Margaret the missionary or that mustache-ride in the Chicago alley from Jorge the midget Mexican, gives us a window into our sub-consciousness, not to mention the physical release. Along similar lines, writing, at the very least, is a medium in which to organize my incongruous thoughts……or shall we say disparate thoughts? (yup that’s right, name of my blog). Most of all, in the predictable egoic sense, it validates what I view as a deeper, atypical mode of thought. Perhaps this is the epitome of human arrogance, but hey, I’m of that fallible mutt breed just like you.
The last several months have given rise to the discovery of countless blogs from the likes of scientists, atheists, politicians, spiritualists, doctors, bands and friends, to name a few. I’ve taken advantage of a number of podcasts covering current events, philosophy, environment, energy, not to mention the classes I’ve audited through itunesU, such as The History Of Jesus provided by Stanford. I’m an infoholic. I can’t live without infohol. We live in a time when humility should be at an all time high and ignorance should be at an all time low. There is one invaluable concept taught to me through the scientific method that you should always use as a platform when approaching information: NEVER EVER BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU ARE TOLD!!!! It is your responsibility to research the source, review the data, identify potential biases and educate yourself on the scientific method. There are no excuses for ignorance anymore.
Holy Tangent Batman! The point I am not making very well is that instead of directing my energy to writing, it has been spent on reading anything and everything from the underground connections of the blogosphere. Instead of attempting to write something I view as substantive, which is surprisingly difficult for me and mentally draining, and in order to keep up with my blog to get that release from writing, I’m going to switch styles slightly and dip into my stream-of-lottery-ball-consciousness. It may not be coherent for you, but I’m still going to achieve that release whether or not there is significant time devoted to arranging my thoughts or it’s just a stream of bullshit. To be honest, I’m extremely self-conscious of my intellectual ability…writing style. Debating has always been a weakness of mine despite the information being there, just difficult to retrieve in a timely manner, which is perhaps why it takes me so long to write something of intellectual coherence and beauty, very subjective coherence and beauty I may add.
So what’s on my mind? *Que metaphysical fishing pole* Well without sounding conceited or culturally hegemonous, I’m going to illustrate the pride I hold in my present situation. Ok ok it sounds like nothing more than bragging for the sake of inflating my cold, bald head, but there’s another motive. Think Tony Robbins meets Sarah Connor meets Matt Skiba lyrics. ***I actually just wrote for the last half hour about specific moments in my past to personify how fucked up life can get for some people. For fear of stigma I decided to delete. Perhaps I’ll change my mind later*** Too many years of my life have been devoted to second guessing myself and questioning my very existence, or perhaps denying my own existence with debilitating consequences to my mind and very tangible reminders to my body. In all this mess, the only order to come out of the incoherence are the sporadic bursts of success measured only in terms of where I have been in the past.
January marks my first semester of official graduate school at UIC. My first class in an environmental engineering program is Solid and Hazardous Waste Management. I will learn how to more effectively transport, store, clean and reuse YOUR poop. How fitting a class for my idea of how Balderdash should be played. I have applied for a more intensive program in the school of mechanical engineering, more specifically energy engineering. This program would prove to be a bit more relevant and productive to current societal trends, and I’d finally be able to get away from this seemingly unhealthy infatuation with butts and poop and other toilet humor often perpetuated by that Jen-girl.
So last year after I made the snap decision to move to London unemployed and homeless, literally unemployed and homeless. Go here to read about my London stuff http://www.xanga.com/jhart21.
Daunting can only begin to describe the emotions especially considering my malfunctioning sympathetic nervous system. Here is the story of my first interview:
You know when you spend the night at a person’s home and wake up in the morning and for a few seconds you have to strain to know where you are? Well imagine doing this in another country in a studio apartment after 10+ pints of lager and an unknown amount of sambuca. I rolled out of bed onto the floor; literally because this is what happens when you are sleeping on a mat. Promptly made my way to the bathroom where I proceeded to have some hardcore D.A.D.S. (Day After Drinking Syndrome) mere inches from where two precious girls were sleeping. I dawned my brand new American – untrendy London – one and only suit lovingly purchased by my Dad. So I’m shootin to kill in my awesome Dillard’s suit, walk out into the wonderful London air that often resulted in boulderous black nasal mucous and made my way to the unventilated tube system in the rain.
Let me summarize. I’m severely hungover, the sky is pissin down and oh so hot on the subway. You'd be sweating too.
I get off in central London, get lost in the rain, hail a taxi in my Dillard’s suit, the taxi driver can’t read the Google map, we get lost, time keeps ticking, I keep sweating. I arrive at this posh office with GQ guys and trendy girls; then there’s scruffy, hungover Dillard’s suited Jake. I WAS Ugly Betty. I’m taken into the interview room where I frantically try to dry any exposed skin, especially my right hand and forehead. I actually think I set some sort of record for severity of pitted-out suit.
The first of three interviewers came into what was now a room with noticeably higher humidity thanks to my armpits. It doesn’t help that when I get really nervous, I can’t smile and my face tends to twitch. I’ve gotten much better at combating both of these undesirable reactions, but it was particularly bad that day. I shot a quick smile before I could think, shook hands and thanked the nice looking lady for the opportunity. I discovered the only way I could keep a sustained smile is if I kept my hand under my chin. You know that astute “I’m thinking” look. With my hand awkwardly placed under my chin, I smiled, oozed as positive vibe as I could and answered questions as clearly and intelligently as my still-retarded-from-last-night firing synapses would allow. I utilized this method for the next two interviewers, thanked the last one, which would later become my boss, left and crashed…physically crashed. That’s what happens with people who have an overactive SNS and endure a prolonged episode. I went to the darkest pub I could find, which wasn’t hard, sat on a couch and drank pints until I dried and the irrational self-destructive thoughts could do no more harm. Through all that shit, I was offered the job. I earned that job.
Last year I visited 15 different countries as my passport will prove; the majority of visits by myself. This year I’ve traveled to both ends of the U.S, and for all intense and purposes, both ends of Canada as well. My next flight will be my 29th individual flight of 2008. I’ll be in Florida in November and living on the north side of Chicago close to Wrigley Field. I say not bad for a kid who hadn’t flown for the first time until he was 20. I say not bad for a kid who never thought in a million years he’d be in this position. Ok I’m going to admit it; I am bragging. I’m not bragging to you though, I’m bragging to my former self. I’m bragging to that person who is still very much a fundamental part of my psyche, just repressed with every ounce of strength gained through transcending those preconceived limits I once set myself.
I particularly enjoy when people boost my ego by making comments such as, “Oh I wish I had that opportunity,” or “I wish I could have done/do something like that” or “I just don’t have the time or money to do something like that.” Fuck that. That’s all bullshit. All of these comments are just excuses to validate a life that never was and will more than likely never be despite every conceivable opportunity to rise against this form of self-limiting way of thinking. A wise man once said you can do whatever you want. Maybe we can’t have our cake and eat it too, but the only thing your excuses are doing is providing an illusory sense of justification for your missed opportunities.
We all have a certain degree of limitation. I for one will most likely never have a budding porn career, but if I want to live in downtown Chicago as opposed to the more practical – in every sense of the word – decision of living in the suburbs, you better believe I’m going to choose the former. This philosophy that I continue to refine and will continue to refine until I’m dead is what has literally kept me alive. It has literally prevented my death. I know many say this isn’t realistic; I say practicalities don’t fit in my life, but hey, you gotta do what works for you.
The last several months have given rise to the discovery of countless blogs from the likes of scientists, atheists, politicians, spiritualists, doctors, bands and friends, to name a few. I’ve taken advantage of a number of podcasts covering current events, philosophy, environment, energy, not to mention the classes I’ve audited through itunesU, such as The History Of Jesus provided by Stanford. I’m an infoholic. I can’t live without infohol. We live in a time when humility should be at an all time high and ignorance should be at an all time low. There is one invaluable concept taught to me through the scientific method that you should always use as a platform when approaching information: NEVER EVER BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU ARE TOLD!!!! It is your responsibility to research the source, review the data, identify potential biases and educate yourself on the scientific method. There are no excuses for ignorance anymore.
Holy Tangent Batman! The point I am not making very well is that instead of directing my energy to writing, it has been spent on reading anything and everything from the underground connections of the blogosphere. Instead of attempting to write something I view as substantive, which is surprisingly difficult for me and mentally draining, and in order to keep up with my blog to get that release from writing, I’m going to switch styles slightly and dip into my stream-of-lottery-ball-consciousness. It may not be coherent for you, but I’m still going to achieve that release whether or not there is significant time devoted to arranging my thoughts or it’s just a stream of bullshit. To be honest, I’m extremely self-conscious of my intellectual ability…writing style. Debating has always been a weakness of mine despite the information being there, just difficult to retrieve in a timely manner, which is perhaps why it takes me so long to write something of intellectual coherence and beauty, very subjective coherence and beauty I may add.
So what’s on my mind? *Que metaphysical fishing pole* Well without sounding conceited or culturally hegemonous, I’m going to illustrate the pride I hold in my present situation. Ok ok it sounds like nothing more than bragging for the sake of inflating my cold, bald head, but there’s another motive. Think Tony Robbins meets Sarah Connor meets Matt Skiba lyrics. ***I actually just wrote for the last half hour about specific moments in my past to personify how fucked up life can get for some people. For fear of stigma I decided to delete. Perhaps I’ll change my mind later*** Too many years of my life have been devoted to second guessing myself and questioning my very existence, or perhaps denying my own existence with debilitating consequences to my mind and very tangible reminders to my body. In all this mess, the only order to come out of the incoherence are the sporadic bursts of success measured only in terms of where I have been in the past.
January marks my first semester of official graduate school at UIC. My first class in an environmental engineering program is Solid and Hazardous Waste Management. I will learn how to more effectively transport, store, clean and reuse YOUR poop. How fitting a class for my idea of how Balderdash should be played. I have applied for a more intensive program in the school of mechanical engineering, more specifically energy engineering. This program would prove to be a bit more relevant and productive to current societal trends, and I’d finally be able to get away from this seemingly unhealthy infatuation with butts and poop and other toilet humor often perpetuated by that Jen-girl.
So last year after I made the snap decision to move to London unemployed and homeless, literally unemployed and homeless. Go here to read about my London stuff http://www.xanga.com/jhart21.
Daunting can only begin to describe the emotions especially considering my malfunctioning sympathetic nervous system. Here is the story of my first interview:
You know when you spend the night at a person’s home and wake up in the morning and for a few seconds you have to strain to know where you are? Well imagine doing this in another country in a studio apartment after 10+ pints of lager and an unknown amount of sambuca. I rolled out of bed onto the floor; literally because this is what happens when you are sleeping on a mat. Promptly made my way to the bathroom where I proceeded to have some hardcore D.A.D.S. (Day After Drinking Syndrome) mere inches from where two precious girls were sleeping. I dawned my brand new American – untrendy London – one and only suit lovingly purchased by my Dad. So I’m shootin to kill in my awesome Dillard’s suit, walk out into the wonderful London air that often resulted in boulderous black nasal mucous and made my way to the unventilated tube system in the rain.
Let me summarize. I’m severely hungover, the sky is pissin down and oh so hot on the subway. You'd be sweating too.
I get off in central London, get lost in the rain, hail a taxi in my Dillard’s suit, the taxi driver can’t read the Google map, we get lost, time keeps ticking, I keep sweating. I arrive at this posh office with GQ guys and trendy girls; then there’s scruffy, hungover Dillard’s suited Jake. I WAS Ugly Betty. I’m taken into the interview room where I frantically try to dry any exposed skin, especially my right hand and forehead. I actually think I set some sort of record for severity of pitted-out suit.
The first of three interviewers came into what was now a room with noticeably higher humidity thanks to my armpits. It doesn’t help that when I get really nervous, I can’t smile and my face tends to twitch. I’ve gotten much better at combating both of these undesirable reactions, but it was particularly bad that day. I shot a quick smile before I could think, shook hands and thanked the nice looking lady for the opportunity. I discovered the only way I could keep a sustained smile is if I kept my hand under my chin. You know that astute “I’m thinking” look. With my hand awkwardly placed under my chin, I smiled, oozed as positive vibe as I could and answered questions as clearly and intelligently as my still-retarded-from-last-night firing synapses would allow. I utilized this method for the next two interviewers, thanked the last one, which would later become my boss, left and crashed…physically crashed. That’s what happens with people who have an overactive SNS and endure a prolonged episode. I went to the darkest pub I could find, which wasn’t hard, sat on a couch and drank pints until I dried and the irrational self-destructive thoughts could do no more harm. Through all that shit, I was offered the job. I earned that job.
Last year I visited 15 different countries as my passport will prove; the majority of visits by myself. This year I’ve traveled to both ends of the U.S, and for all intense and purposes, both ends of Canada as well. My next flight will be my 29th individual flight of 2008. I’ll be in Florida in November and living on the north side of Chicago close to Wrigley Field. I say not bad for a kid who hadn’t flown for the first time until he was 20. I say not bad for a kid who never thought in a million years he’d be in this position. Ok I’m going to admit it; I am bragging. I’m not bragging to you though, I’m bragging to my former self. I’m bragging to that person who is still very much a fundamental part of my psyche, just repressed with every ounce of strength gained through transcending those preconceived limits I once set myself.
I particularly enjoy when people boost my ego by making comments such as, “Oh I wish I had that opportunity,” or “I wish I could have done/do something like that” or “I just don’t have the time or money to do something like that.” Fuck that. That’s all bullshit. All of these comments are just excuses to validate a life that never was and will more than likely never be despite every conceivable opportunity to rise against this form of self-limiting way of thinking. A wise man once said you can do whatever you want. Maybe we can’t have our cake and eat it too, but the only thing your excuses are doing is providing an illusory sense of justification for your missed opportunities.
We all have a certain degree of limitation. I for one will most likely never have a budding porn career, but if I want to live in downtown Chicago as opposed to the more practical – in every sense of the word – decision of living in the suburbs, you better believe I’m going to choose the former. This philosophy that I continue to refine and will continue to refine until I’m dead is what has literally kept me alive. It has literally prevented my death. I know many say this isn’t realistic; I say practicalities don’t fit in my life, but hey, you gotta do what works for you.
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