I've had quite the influx of complaints at the anticlimactory nature of my last kitten video. I don't know about you, but I laughed like hell at this new one........
... I think something's wrong with me..
Thursday, February 19, 2009
American Terrorist Logic
I've determined that inherent in an open-minded, easy-going philosophy on life is not an inability, but rather an unwillingness to form an opinionated lifestyle. This is because at the crux of open-mindedness is an admission to yourself that regardless of the views and opinions you create, there is always a chance that the very opposite is true. I say 'opposite' because the laws of relativity invoke the transitory and illusory nature of 'right and wrong.'
Despite what the theists - mono or poly - say, there is no Absolute Truth for which our decision making has a reference point. More interestingly, and something I would really like to expound on in later posts, is my refutation that morality does not stem from this supposed Absolute Truth that was inserted into each and every one of us prior to birth as a DIVINE SUPPOSITORY; rather, is a byproduct of an evolutionary survival mechanism within a societal matrix. Basically what I propose is that morality started as a cro magnon quid-pro-quo of sorts. It's the same principal we see in schools of fish or herds of mammals. In order to promote survival, the individual - even at the most basic and primitive level - identifies that their chances lie within the group. Therefore, the individual is only as strong and safe as the whole of the group. For sake of time, the conclusion I draw is that after several millenia of evolution, what some see as morality from a God is actually a physiologically conditioned sense of right and wrong in order to strengthen the group in order to preserve the individual.
.......................................
Until Chicago begins to thaw and I buy my first road bike, my north-side/south-side cross-town commute will continue in my truck (28 mpg's so get off my back hippies). Sometimes I take Lakeshore Drive, especially when we have temperate weather because nothing beats the coastal illusion and energetically dense sky line. Other times I'll just hop on the loop. Independent of route is the comfort and joy I feel during the transition of bitter cold to the warmth of my cab with the vital assistance of my Silk'd up English Breakfast tea and talk radio. Since I absolutely cannot stand music radio, I have adopted four talk radio stations. I begin with 820 AM Progressive Talk to get a boost from my fellow compassionate, social-oriented libs. During commercials I'll switch to AM 560 to get an idea of the conservative talking points for the day. When I get tired of politics I'll go to NPR, but when I get tired of hearing about the biography of the first librarian or genocide in Africa, I'll resort to WGN 720 and listen to Kathy and Judy talk about soccer mom drama.
It's really intriguing to andectdotally identify the differences between progressives and conservatives (P's and C's) on the radio. My observations are as follows:
-While rates of Christianity among both groups parallel at high levels, C's tend to adopt more of a literal interpretation of biblical text that leads back to my earlier accusation regarding Absolute Truth and morality. P's tend to follow the teachings of Jesus (as I know him; a fictional being who epitomized compassion and socialism and liberalism) much more closely. P's are spiritual in their religion where as C's lack the right-brain ability to introspectively gain empathy.
-C's are much more narrow-minded (probably a result of their skewed theocratic following), much more likely to judge others and much more stubborn. P's are tolerant of differences and view all human beings of equal worth.
-C's tend to be self-centered and hold grudges. P's are socially generous. C's are mine mine mine.
-P's believe everyone should have an even playing field prior to developing a capitalist identity. C's believe inborn circumstance is tough-luck.
Perhaps the most startling and sad difference, which leads into the main point of this post, is that conservatives spew unadulterated hegemony.
The other morning I was listening to the conservative John & Cisco on AM 560 interviewing Bill Ayers, the media declared 'domestic terrorist' whom Republicans tried to smear Obama's presidential campaign with a supposed association. Regardless of Bill Ayers' political and philosophical ideals, his responses in this interview were eloquent, intelligent, compassionate and humble. However, the comment he made that motivated this blog was perhaps the single most prevalent saying I have ever heard, at least in terms of national identity.
Listen to the interview and decide for yourself:
Bill Ayers Interview on Chicago Conservative Radio
I'll end on the following:
"I love the ideals (of our country), and we should live up to them. The difference between a Patriot and a Nationalist is a Patriot says let's live up to the ideals of this great country. A Nationalist says our country is great no matter what it does." - Bill Ayers
Despite what the theists - mono or poly - say, there is no Absolute Truth for which our decision making has a reference point. More interestingly, and something I would really like to expound on in later posts, is my refutation that morality does not stem from this supposed Absolute Truth that was inserted into each and every one of us prior to birth as a DIVINE SUPPOSITORY; rather, is a byproduct of an evolutionary survival mechanism within a societal matrix. Basically what I propose is that morality started as a cro magnon quid-pro-quo of sorts. It's the same principal we see in schools of fish or herds of mammals. In order to promote survival, the individual - even at the most basic and primitive level - identifies that their chances lie within the group. Therefore, the individual is only as strong and safe as the whole of the group. For sake of time, the conclusion I draw is that after several millenia of evolution, what some see as morality from a God is actually a physiologically conditioned sense of right and wrong in order to strengthen the group in order to preserve the individual.
.......................................
Until Chicago begins to thaw and I buy my first road bike, my north-side/south-side cross-town commute will continue in my truck (28 mpg's so get off my back hippies). Sometimes I take Lakeshore Drive, especially when we have temperate weather because nothing beats the coastal illusion and energetically dense sky line. Other times I'll just hop on the loop. Independent of route is the comfort and joy I feel during the transition of bitter cold to the warmth of my cab with the vital assistance of my Silk'd up English Breakfast tea and talk radio. Since I absolutely cannot stand music radio, I have adopted four talk radio stations. I begin with 820 AM Progressive Talk to get a boost from my fellow compassionate, social-oriented libs. During commercials I'll switch to AM 560 to get an idea of the conservative talking points for the day. When I get tired of politics I'll go to NPR, but when I get tired of hearing about the biography of the first librarian or genocide in Africa, I'll resort to WGN 720 and listen to Kathy and Judy talk about soccer mom drama.
It's really intriguing to andectdotally identify the differences between progressives and conservatives (P's and C's) on the radio. My observations are as follows:
-While rates of Christianity among both groups parallel at high levels, C's tend to adopt more of a literal interpretation of biblical text that leads back to my earlier accusation regarding Absolute Truth and morality. P's tend to follow the teachings of Jesus (as I know him; a fictional being who epitomized compassion and socialism and liberalism) much more closely. P's are spiritual in their religion where as C's lack the right-brain ability to introspectively gain empathy.
-C's are much more narrow-minded (probably a result of their skewed theocratic following), much more likely to judge others and much more stubborn. P's are tolerant of differences and view all human beings of equal worth.
-C's tend to be self-centered and hold grudges. P's are socially generous. C's are mine mine mine.
-P's believe everyone should have an even playing field prior to developing a capitalist identity. C's believe inborn circumstance is tough-luck.
Perhaps the most startling and sad difference, which leads into the main point of this post, is that conservatives spew unadulterated hegemony.
The other morning I was listening to the conservative John & Cisco on AM 560 interviewing Bill Ayers, the media declared 'domestic terrorist' whom Republicans tried to smear Obama's presidential campaign with a supposed association. Regardless of Bill Ayers' political and philosophical ideals, his responses in this interview were eloquent, intelligent, compassionate and humble. However, the comment he made that motivated this blog was perhaps the single most prevalent saying I have ever heard, at least in terms of national identity.
Listen to the interview and decide for yourself:
Bill Ayers Interview on Chicago Conservative Radio
I'll end on the following:
"I love the ideals (of our country), and we should live up to them. The difference between a Patriot and a Nationalist is a Patriot says let's live up to the ideals of this great country. A Nationalist says our country is great no matter what it does." - Bill Ayers
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Dry Sphincter Heaves
So Ketchup Whore, now known as (nka) KW, nka kDub and I decided to delve into the ancient culinary arts of the country surrounded by "The Ring of Fire." For you ignorant fucks who think that's a country surrounded by a Johnny Cash song, it's not. Before I tell you the results of our creative and daring escapade, let me take this moment to foreshadow through a previous publication:
Sunday, July 15, 2007 (London, UK)
First Round (a)
Sunday, July 15, 2007 (London, UK)
Out of Commission
Tragedy has struck my life. My one true love has betrayed me. She was so lean, bright and beautiful. Her personality was so vibrant, spicy when she wanted to be, yet laid back and soothing when my feelings called for it. Above all else, her sensuality was an irresistible gift from an erotic god, a god who blessed my love with a kiss so salty it stung my loins. My erotic god...*sniff*....has forsaken me. I asked for absolutely nothing in return and loved her with every ounce of my palate. Despite my unwavering devotion, she came back and bit me in the ass. Seriously, almost literally. My almost daily SUSHI fix which I loved dearly, gave me Gastroenteritis. More specifically Salmonella. More specifically severe food poisoning. I'm not going to get into details, but it involves the most painful stomach cramps you can imagine and bowel movements so disturbing you'd think there was a rodent in my intestines chewing away. Oh shit (no pun intended), umm..the whole rodent in my intestines wasn't like a Freudian slip or anything. Ok nevermind. I finally had to venture in pain to the hospital where I was treated by young, beautiful British doctor. My boyhood fantasies of a pornographic doctor's office were dashed when I had to describe my bloody stools...amongst other things. To make a long story only moderately long, I have Salmonella, was prescribed antibiotics and three different painkillers that almost make the experience worth the pain. I'm scared to death to eat the only food that really makes me happy and I'm going to end up losing more than a week experiencing this wonderful city. Therefore, at the VERY LEAST, I will be home a week later now. If anyone is wondering why I took time blogging this story, well I've spent the last several days either reading in severe pain or reading in moderate pain. I'm bored. Well I hope everyone else is doing better than I am! Bye Luvs
ps-my blood test indicated I have perfect liver function. Drink too much my ass!
...the ambiance was a cocoon of warmth floating through a dimension void of time and space. There were no consequences of actions undertaken adjacent to our newly created reality. A therapeutic meditation in color and texture that developed an enlightened understanding of Presence, which led to the transcendence of past experience and future anxiety. An olfactory-induced conscious-coma was conceived from volatilizing organic molecules hitchhiking on internal trade winds; a psychedelic sense of invisible movement nudged from a temperature differential created by a life-saving, ass-warming radiator. This organic movement was perhaps substantiated from the tangibly ethereal motions of our mind-expanding byproduct.
No one could have ever have guessed what would happen next.
Come on.. who would have thunk that preparing a meal in this manner could have resulted in any negative consequences:
Come on.. who would have thunk that preparing a meal in this manner could have resulted in any negative consequences:
The following series of images is an illustrated framing of the tragic circumstances that continue to haunt us to this day:
Reverse Spooning Uh-oh. What ever is that feeling?
First Round (a) First Round (b)
Second Round (a)
Second Round (b)
Final Round. Butt Heave Power
Fucking Spent
Second Round (a)
Second Round (b)
Final Round. Butt Heave Power
Fucking Spent
If you could not already determine from the above photographic series that I had acute gastroenteritis, well, naked sushi + socio-economic debate+intense spanking=DRY SPHINCTER HEAVES*
*Originally coined by kDub during her delayed onset gastroenteritis, "Dry Butt Heaves," and later paraphrased by me.
The physiological effects of food poisoning are commonly misunderstood and it is my duty (haha) to educate my readers. Here's how it goes down...or out...
The citizens in the colon are bacteria -- compassionate, free-thinkers granted permission to live and work and raise their families in your large intestine in a free and open society. They're good, honest, educated people. But sometimes bad bacteria, or Catholics, manage to sneak into your stomach, perhaps hitching a ride on ignorance (or in sushi). The Catholics can prevent the good bacteria from doing the job. They will continue to inundate your colon with ignorance, bigotry and harmful pseudoscience. Unfortunately at this point, the colon can only rid itself of ignorance by flushing everything. It fills itself full of fluid to flush everything out -- bad bacteria, good bacteria, and anything else that might be in the colon, like broken glass. Fucking gross Nick. Accounting writes this off as a loss: diarrhea.
Often times during gastroenteritis, the colon cannot recognize when it is void of 'Catholics,' and it continues to attempt to void itself of ignorance. When this occurs, you can experience painful dry-butt-heaves, or as the medical world dictates, Tenesmus. Tenesmus is characterized by a sensation of needing to pass stool, accompanied by pain, cramping, and straining. Despite straining, little stool is passed (Wiki).
We have to ask ourselves, "Was the therapeutic, meditative, psychedelic evening worth it?"
Um... fuck yes.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Michele Bachman is a Cunt
...probably not the most eloquent talking point I ever conjured, but that's how strongly I feel.
She recently told Fox News in a concerned tone that, "We are running out of rich people in this country," and on the stimulus package, "These are morbidly obese levels of spending." Eloquent Michele. For a second I felt bad about the title of this post. As an aside, the other day I was watching a session of congress where an unnamed Republic congressman was giving a refutation of the stimulus bill. His presentation was a series of visual aids illustrating, for instance, what a trillion dollars would look like if you stacked up $1 bills until you reached the sum. Another was how many times a trillion dollars would wrap around the world if you lined $1 bills end to end. This logical fallacy-laced presentation is a blatantly irreverent display of arrogance and ignorance, an insult to his constituency, the American people as a whole and most importantly, me. What a fucking douche bag. What point was he trying to make? That the funds he OK'd for the illegal invasion and occupation of Iraq - ironically now over a trillion dollars - would not pile up to the moon, but a trillion dollar bailout for working class (fucking hard working, non lazy) individuals would pile to Saturn?? ...... Ugh.... I've gone cross-eyed.
Melting into my couch in the early afternoon hour, drinking diet coke and eating dark chocolate -because I still have latent experential post-menopausal conditioning - and watching MSNBC, I see a news conference/protest near the Capital building with the mission statement: NoStimulus(.com). A large group (maybe a couple hundred) of all caucasians backdropped an older Republic gentleman (assumed because they all look the same...like black people.. right conservatives?) spouting talking points about taking back our country from our supposed Stalkin-esque controlling government. "We have 400,000 thousand signatures of average Americans who do not think this bill should pass...should not pass because it is B I G G O V E R N M E N T and more frightingly, socialism!"
Ok.. anyone can hold these protests near the Capital, but this group had several US Congressional members as leaders. So this group of so-called 'avg. Americans' is helped in leadership by noneother than M I C H E L E B A C H M A N...! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
I love this picture and here is why.. follow me here. This is a coffee cup with a picture of Michele Bachman rolled up in it -> this either says Bachman is only worthy of being rolled into a dense weapon worthy of beating a poop-happy dog, or is like coffee -> coffee is a stimulant, which in most people produces a laxative effect -> laxatives stimulate the gastrointestinal tract through an increase in rectosigmoid motor activity -> an increase in rectosigmoid motor activity results in uncomfortable, acidic, explosive and watery defecation E R G O Michele Bachman = uncomfortable, acidic, explosive and watery defecation
Remember Michele Bachman? Well she is the Minnesota Republican Congresswoman who stated on Hardball with Chris Matthews that then time presidential candidate Barack Obama and wife Michelle held anti-American views and couldn't be trusted in the White House. More absurdly and McCarthy-incarnate, she even called for the major newspapers of the country to investigate other members of Congress to "find out if they are pro-America or anti-America."
She recently told Fox News in a concerned tone that, "We are running out of rich people in this country," and on the stimulus package, "These are morbidly obese levels of spending." Eloquent Michele. For a second I felt bad about the title of this post. As an aside, the other day I was watching a session of congress where an unnamed Republic congressman was giving a refutation of the stimulus bill. His presentation was a series of visual aids illustrating, for instance, what a trillion dollars would look like if you stacked up $1 bills until you reached the sum. Another was how many times a trillion dollars would wrap around the world if you lined $1 bills end to end. This logical fallacy-laced presentation is a blatantly irreverent display of arrogance and ignorance, an insult to his constituency, the American people as a whole and most importantly, me. What a fucking douche bag. What point was he trying to make? That the funds he OK'd for the illegal invasion and occupation of Iraq - ironically now over a trillion dollars - would not pile up to the moon, but a trillion dollar bailout for working class (fucking hard working, non lazy) individuals would pile to Saturn?? ...... Ugh.... I've gone cross-eyed.
How these people gain power can only be testament to the rampant ignorance and seemingly inherent inability to experience empathy that is still roaming our country. Does it surprise anyone that she is a proponent of Intelligent Design Theory, aka Creationism? Obviously spending a trillion dollars for destroying (Republican for 'Giving Freedom') Iraq is necessary, but a trillion dollars to help out desperate middle-class, lower-class Americans is just, well, anti-American. 'God,' what a cunt.
So 400,000 average Americans have signed this petition to stop the stimulus bill.. I'm willing to bet that not one of the estimated 500,000 people who lost their jobs in January have signed this petition. I wonder what NoStimulus thinks of the current 7.2% unemployment rate. You know, had I been born with a silver spoon reamed deeply up my overly-toned sphincter, I'd sign the petition as well; good thing I wasn't. I bet Michele poops cinnamon-scented blood diamonds. Oh don't even get me started with diamonds.
Well anyway, If you currently have a job you should feel pretty blessed compared to a lot of our countrymen. Not to mention the armless children of Darfur (Jen-girl!)
My Pops has always told me that if you have enough money to take care of your basal needs and if money is your biggest worry, you really don't have any worries. So why don't we create new meanings in our life independent of an unnecessary need for social class aspirations and concentrate on concepts such as love, compassion, family, friends and all the other small stuff that makes life worth holding onto that high-velocity projectile? Trust me people, you do not require Uggs or an Armani pea coat to transcend the existential vacuum.
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