Several weeks back when I decided to once again spew my mental humdrums to the masses, the effects of this blogosphere indoctrination were not yet clear. I was (am) motivated to transpose my lottery-balls to a coherent format if only for my own wellbeing. Release always seems to bring about introspective peace, regardless of the subjective quality of said release. Inducing bodily trauma, whether through rigorous exercise or self-mutilation, releases endorphins to cope with the stress. Talking about issues, whether through a formal debate or in a wooden box speaking to a self-appointed liaison of a fictitious being, gives us a recovered understanding of the world around us and often provides a new sense of calm. Orgasms, it is said, whether a result of the tragically boring missionary sex with Mary-Margaret the missionary or that mustache-ride in the Chicago alley from Jorge the midget Mexican, gives us a window into our sub-consciousness, not to mention the physical release. Along similar lines, writing, at the very least, is a medium in which to organize my incongruous thoughts……or shall we say disparate thoughts? (yup that’s right, name of my blog). Most of all, in the predictable egoic sense, it validates what I view as a deeper, atypical mode of thought. Perhaps this is the epitome of human arrogance, but hey, I’m of that fallible mutt breed just like you.
The last several months have given rise to the discovery of countless blogs from the likes of scientists, atheists, politicians, spiritualists, doctors, bands and friends, to name a few. I’ve taken advantage of a number of podcasts covering current events, philosophy, environment, energy, not to mention the classes I’ve audited through itunesU, such as The History Of Jesus provided by Stanford. I’m an infoholic. I can’t live without infohol. We live in a time when humility should be at an all time high and ignorance should be at an all time low. There is one invaluable concept taught to me through the scientific method that you should always use as a platform when approaching information: NEVER EVER BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU ARE TOLD!!!! It is your responsibility to research the source, review the data, identify potential biases and educate yourself on the scientific method. There are no excuses for ignorance anymore.
Holy Tangent Batman! The point I am not making very well is that instead of directing my energy to writing, it has been spent on reading anything and everything from the underground connections of the blogosphere. Instead of attempting to write something I view as substantive, which is surprisingly difficult for me and mentally draining, and in order to keep up with my blog to get that release from writing, I’m going to switch styles slightly and dip into my stream-of-lottery-ball-consciousness. It may not be coherent for you, but I’m still going to achieve that release whether or not there is significant time devoted to arranging my thoughts or it’s just a stream of bullshit. To be honest, I’m extremely self-conscious of my intellectual ability…writing style. Debating has always been a weakness of mine despite the information being there, just difficult to retrieve in a timely manner, which is perhaps why it takes me so long to write something of intellectual coherence and beauty, very subjective coherence and beauty I may add.
So what’s on my mind? *Que metaphysical fishing pole* Well without sounding conceited or culturally hegemonous, I’m going to illustrate the pride I hold in my present situation. Ok ok it sounds like nothing more than bragging for the sake of inflating my cold, bald head, but there’s another motive. Think Tony Robbins meets Sarah Connor meets Matt Skiba lyrics. ***I actually just wrote for the last half hour about specific moments in my past to personify how fucked up life can get for some people. For fear of stigma I decided to delete. Perhaps I’ll change my mind later*** Too many years of my life have been devoted to second guessing myself and questioning my very existence, or perhaps denying my own existence with debilitating consequences to my mind and very tangible reminders to my body. In all this mess, the only order to come out of the incoherence are the sporadic bursts of success measured only in terms of where I have been in the past.
January marks my first semester of official graduate school at UIC. My first class in an environmental engineering program is Solid and Hazardous Waste Management. I will learn how to more effectively transport, store, clean and reuse YOUR poop. How fitting a class for my idea of how Balderdash should be played. I have applied for a more intensive program in the school of mechanical engineering, more specifically energy engineering. This program would prove to be a bit more relevant and productive to current societal trends, and I’d finally be able to get away from this seemingly unhealthy infatuation with butts and poop and other toilet humor often perpetuated by that Jen-girl.
So last year after I made the snap decision to move to London unemployed and homeless, literally unemployed and homeless. Go here to read about my London stuff http://www.xanga.com/jhart21.
Daunting can only begin to describe the emotions especially considering my malfunctioning sympathetic nervous system. Here is the story of my first interview:
You know when you spend the night at a person’s home and wake up in the morning and for a few seconds you have to strain to know where you are? Well imagine doing this in another country in a studio apartment after 10+ pints of lager and an unknown amount of sambuca. I rolled out of bed onto the floor; literally because this is what happens when you are sleeping on a mat. Promptly made my way to the bathroom where I proceeded to have some hardcore D.A.D.S. (Day After Drinking Syndrome) mere inches from where two precious girls were sleeping. I dawned my brand new American – untrendy London – one and only suit lovingly purchased by my Dad. So I’m shootin to kill in my awesome Dillard’s suit, walk out into the wonderful London air that often resulted in boulderous black nasal mucous and made my way to the unventilated tube system in the rain.
Let me summarize. I’m severely hungover, the sky is pissin down and oh so hot on the subway. You'd be sweating too.
I get off in central London, get lost in the rain, hail a taxi in my Dillard’s suit, the taxi driver can’t read the Google map, we get lost, time keeps ticking, I keep sweating. I arrive at this posh office with GQ guys and trendy girls; then there’s scruffy, hungover Dillard’s suited Jake. I WAS Ugly Betty. I’m taken into the interview room where I frantically try to dry any exposed skin, especially my right hand and forehead. I actually think I set some sort of record for severity of pitted-out suit.
The first of three interviewers came into what was now a room with noticeably higher humidity thanks to my armpits. It doesn’t help that when I get really nervous, I can’t smile and my face tends to twitch. I’ve gotten much better at combating both of these undesirable reactions, but it was particularly bad that day. I shot a quick smile before I could think, shook hands and thanked the nice looking lady for the opportunity. I discovered the only way I could keep a sustained smile is if I kept my hand under my chin. You know that astute “I’m thinking” look. With my hand awkwardly placed under my chin, I smiled, oozed as positive vibe as I could and answered questions as clearly and intelligently as my still-retarded-from-last-night firing synapses would allow. I utilized this method for the next two interviewers, thanked the last one, which would later become my boss, left and crashed…physically crashed. That’s what happens with people who have an overactive SNS and endure a prolonged episode. I went to the darkest pub I could find, which wasn’t hard, sat on a couch and drank pints until I dried and the irrational self-destructive thoughts could do no more harm. Through all that shit, I was offered the job. I earned that job.
Last year I visited 15 different countries as my passport will prove; the majority of visits by myself. This year I’ve traveled to both ends of the U.S, and for all intense and purposes, both ends of Canada as well. My next flight will be my 29th individual flight of 2008. I’ll be in Florida in November and living on the north side of Chicago close to Wrigley Field. I say not bad for a kid who hadn’t flown for the first time until he was 20. I say not bad for a kid who never thought in a million years he’d be in this position. Ok I’m going to admit it; I am bragging. I’m not bragging to you though, I’m bragging to my former self. I’m bragging to that person who is still very much a fundamental part of my psyche, just repressed with every ounce of strength gained through transcending those preconceived limits I once set myself.
I particularly enjoy when people boost my ego by making comments such as, “Oh I wish I had that opportunity,” or “I wish I could have done/do something like that” or “I just don’t have the time or money to do something like that.” Fuck that. That’s all bullshit. All of these comments are just excuses to validate a life that never was and will more than likely never be despite every conceivable opportunity to rise against this form of self-limiting way of thinking. A wise man once said you can do whatever you want. Maybe we can’t have our cake and eat it too, but the only thing your excuses are doing is providing an illusory sense of justification for your missed opportunities.
We all have a certain degree of limitation. I for one will most likely never have a budding porn career, but if I want to live in downtown Chicago as opposed to the more practical – in every sense of the word – decision of living in the suburbs, you better believe I’m going to choose the former. This philosophy that I continue to refine and will continue to refine until I’m dead is what has literally kept me alive. It has literally prevented my death. I know many say this isn’t realistic; I say practicalities don’t fit in my life, but hey, you gotta do what works for you.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Hurricane Kyle: The little storm system that just couldn’t and how it came to be the Acadian Peninsula’s event of the decade.
Three concise points.
First: I want to apologize to Disparate Thought’s devoted readers – I know of three – who have stressed their displeasure – I know of two – for not posting sooner. Reasons: First: Pre Hurricane Kyle weather disrupted the already shitty French Canadian internet. Second: My steadfast attention span was directed toward the download and subsequent repeated watching of Battlestar Galactica, seasons three and four, in a not-so-closet-sci-fi-geek-manor you have all come to know. Three sub points. First: Battlestar Galactica is the most intelligent show on any type of audio-visual medium. Second: That is really not saying much. Third: Do not let the second point dissuade you from checking out the sci-fi drama sensation now. Third: My priority for the last four days off work – due to the three day moose hunting season and the ensuing Labatt’s Blue induced floppy headed French Canadian small arms Canadian DNR controlled Bullwinkocide – was to lounge around the chalet naked since there is now just a sole occupant. Frankly, it would just be disturbing to type naked. Second: The urge to post something of meaning today dwindled along with my caffeine buzz. Potential future posts. First: Cutting Through Big Pharma’s Deliciously Evil Goodness. Second: The Natural Evolution of a Scientist: The inverse relationship between education and religious belief. Third: Politics: We’re all wrong, but Sarah Palin is still an Idiot. Third: Today’s post is going to be a one-day, three-part blogisode summarizing First: The Acadian Peninsula. First: Geography. Second: Culture. Third: My – yet to be determined if I’m really joking – hatred for it. Second: CATEGORY 5: POSEIDON’S ATLANTIC FARMER’S BLOW (must be due to the gays, right neocons?) Third: Anticlimax: It’s alright Poseiden; it happens to all Greek Gods at one point or another.
State tuned for Episode 1
First: I want to apologize to Disparate Thought’s devoted readers – I know of three – who have stressed their displeasure – I know of two – for not posting sooner. Reasons: First: Pre Hurricane Kyle weather disrupted the already shitty French Canadian internet. Second: My steadfast attention span was directed toward the download and subsequent repeated watching of Battlestar Galactica, seasons three and four, in a not-so-closet-sci-fi-geek-manor you have all come to know. Three sub points. First: Battlestar Galactica is the most intelligent show on any type of audio-visual medium. Second: That is really not saying much. Third: Do not let the second point dissuade you from checking out the sci-fi drama sensation now. Third: My priority for the last four days off work – due to the three day moose hunting season and the ensuing Labatt’s Blue induced floppy headed French Canadian small arms Canadian DNR controlled Bullwinkocide – was to lounge around the chalet naked since there is now just a sole occupant. Frankly, it would just be disturbing to type naked. Second: The urge to post something of meaning today dwindled along with my caffeine buzz. Potential future posts. First: Cutting Through Big Pharma’s Deliciously Evil Goodness. Second: The Natural Evolution of a Scientist: The inverse relationship between education and religious belief. Third: Politics: We’re all wrong, but Sarah Palin is still an Idiot. Third: Today’s post is going to be a one-day, three-part blogisode summarizing First: The Acadian Peninsula. First: Geography. Second: Culture. Third: My – yet to be determined if I’m really joking – hatred for it. Second: CATEGORY 5: POSEIDON’S ATLANTIC FARMER’S BLOW (must be due to the gays, right neocons?) Third: Anticlimax: It’s alright Poseiden; it happens to all Greek Gods at one point or another.
State tuned for Episode 1
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Response to Self-Titled
Self-Titled is located in Blog Archive under New Project
Here lies altruism
RIP
By Laura Palmer
It took me a long time to digest your thoughts. I think because I value compassion, empathy, and altruism above most other things in life. I have lived the last 25 years of my life rooted in benevolence; constantly thinking in terms of the self-less acts for others. I sent a card to my grandma at 8 just because I was thinking of her. I frequently put change in the meter next to mine. I thank the pilot every time I get off the plane. I send 14 pieces of mail a month simply to tell others they matter.
Reading your words, three to seven times, cause me to question my motivations. Your examples, while valid, were bigger than me. I’m a terrible volunteer. In contrast to my constant need to put other people’s feelings ahead of my own (in part out of benevolence, in part out of fear of my own feelings, but we’ll address that later) I hate volunteering. And as I thought more about just why I hate volunteering, I came up with some of the same reasons you described. I completely agree that people volunteer for themselves. Katrina was horrific, the tsunami devastating, the earthquakes unreal, but no one helped because it was “the right thing to do.” You said that “compassion is a defensive trait to reduce the unpleasant feeling of empathy; compassion being a mental awareness of suffering.” I agree with you here, but to take it one step further…Compassion is compare + passion and I think that it’s not just empathy, it’s the I-have-it-better-than-you feeling. (which might be what you were implying by empathy.)
“The compassion she eventually felt came from and is a defense of the same feeling: guilt. That’s right; I’m claiming all (or most) volunteer work is a result of the often unconscious self-serving need to diminish guilt. Is this bad? This can be debated, but it at the very least drives good causes.”
Maybe you’re right here. Maybe all good deeds are based in guilt. But here is what struck me after reading your thoughts:
Is altruism dead?
1- Have we really become so cynical that we believe selfless acts of benevolence have ceased to exist or have they truly ceased to exist in reality?
2- Does is really matter if altruism is relevant as long as people are contributing to the betterment of others…in other words does motive matter if good comes out of it?
3- Where did the phrase “no good deed goes unpunished” come from?
Because I’m already late with my response, I’ll leave you to ponder these three questions, perhaps we can come back to them when we’re fresh outta thoughts.
It took me a long time to digest your thoughts. I think because I value compassion, empathy, and altruism above most other things in life. I have lived the last 25 years of my life rooted in benevolence; constantly thinking in terms of the self-less acts for others. I sent a card to my grandma at 8 just because I was thinking of her. I frequently put change in the meter next to mine. I thank the pilot every time I get off the plane. I send 14 pieces of mail a month simply to tell others they matter.
Reading your words, three to seven times, cause me to question my motivations. Your examples, while valid, were bigger than me. I’m a terrible volunteer. In contrast to my constant need to put other people’s feelings ahead of my own (in part out of benevolence, in part out of fear of my own feelings, but we’ll address that later) I hate volunteering. And as I thought more about just why I hate volunteering, I came up with some of the same reasons you described. I completely agree that people volunteer for themselves. Katrina was horrific, the tsunami devastating, the earthquakes unreal, but no one helped because it was “the right thing to do.” You said that “compassion is a defensive trait to reduce the unpleasant feeling of empathy; compassion being a mental awareness of suffering.” I agree with you here, but to take it one step further…Compassion is compare + passion and I think that it’s not just empathy, it’s the I-have-it-better-than-you feeling. (which might be what you were implying by empathy.)
“The compassion she eventually felt came from and is a defense of the same feeling: guilt. That’s right; I’m claiming all (or most) volunteer work is a result of the often unconscious self-serving need to diminish guilt. Is this bad? This can be debated, but it at the very least drives good causes.”
Maybe you’re right here. Maybe all good deeds are based in guilt. But here is what struck me after reading your thoughts:
Is altruism dead?
1- Have we really become so cynical that we believe selfless acts of benevolence have ceased to exist or have they truly ceased to exist in reality?
2- Does is really matter if altruism is relevant as long as people are contributing to the betterment of others…in other words does motive matter if good comes out of it?
3- Where did the phrase “no good deed goes unpunished” come from?
Because I’m already late with my response, I’ll leave you to ponder these three questions, perhaps we can come back to them when we’re fresh outta thoughts.
0.00000000001 Cubic Meters/Kg/Seconds Squared on Your MotherF#$@#*n Head!
Do you understand the effect Isaac Newton's revolutionary ideas still have on you at this moment? Or, as the gravitational constant in the title suggests, do you understand the gravity of the situation? (Ugh..Christ that's so cliche).
If you were not aware, let me summarize two headlines from yesterday that were pushed under the figurative rug. Please refer to http://www.wn.com/.
My pride in the United States is a derivative of the idea of our country, not our actions. I will always lay claim to the U.S. (well never say never) and never (ha) be one of those travelers who is afraid to say they are American. I will always get pissed off when I see a bunch of Mexican high school kids in California fly the Mexican flag above an upside down American flag. I even think English should be the primary language, enough said. I think capitalism is actually a great system for driving innovation and higher quality of life, but aspects of socialism should not be burned at the stake. And I definitely think we need an entire overhaul of our foreign policy even if that means we (Americans) need to swallow our pride for a couple of decades.
Here is an absolutely hilarious and scathing review of Sarah Palin from none other than Matttt Damonnnn. Even though Hollywood actors are inherently self-righteous, he does make a couple valid points. **Disclaimer** The following should be viewed for entertainment purposes only.
How is it that Bush - ergo McCain - claim to be conservative, but carry out such a radical foreign policy? Well, according to http://www.conservapedia.com/, a conservative is one who adheres to principles of limited government, personal responsibility and moral values. Limited government, huh? [Iraq War, Patriot Act, Wall-Street bailouts (reciprocity due to their skewed ideas of limited government)]. Moral values, huh? [What the fuck would your Jesus do? You oh so often talk for him, but have you read his teachings? Think your Jesus would be all for preemptive wars? Think your Jesus would be for your torture techniques? (Whoops forgot. It's not torture it's just roughing up. Sorry Johnny Maverick. Evidently you weren't tortured in the Hanoi Hilton, rather just roughed up). Since "No other encyclopedic resource on the internet is free of corruption by liberal untruths," we can safely conclude that Bush - ergo McCain - is not conservative, at least in terms of foreign policy. Guess who has a conservative foreign policy? That's right, Barack Obama. Here is an interesting article discussing the pragmatic approach Obama has on foreign policy; the pragmatic, conservative foreign policy we desperately need at the moment.http://www.dmagazine.com/ME2/dirmod.asp?nm=Core+Pages&type=gen&mod=Core+Pages&tier=3&gid=B33A5C6E2CF04C9596A3EF81822D9F8E
If you were not aware, let me summarize two headlines from yesterday that were pushed under the figurative rug. Please refer to http://www.wn.com/.
- Pakistani troops open fired on two US helicopters for crossing the Afghan border into Pakistani Airspace. The soldiers were following orders from President Musharraf.
- Bolstering a new military partnership, a squadron of the Russian Navy set sail for Venezuela and Venezuelan President, Hugo Chavez, travelled to Russia to meet with Russian President Dmitry Medvedev, or perhaps more importantly, Prime Minister Valdimir Putin.
My pride in the United States is a derivative of the idea of our country, not our actions. I will always lay claim to the U.S. (well never say never) and never (ha) be one of those travelers who is afraid to say they are American. I will always get pissed off when I see a bunch of Mexican high school kids in California fly the Mexican flag above an upside down American flag. I even think English should be the primary language, enough said. I think capitalism is actually a great system for driving innovation and higher quality of life, but aspects of socialism should not be burned at the stake. And I definitely think we need an entire overhaul of our foreign policy even if that means we (Americans) need to swallow our pride for a couple of decades.
For whatever reason - ignorance, fascism, or just bad luck - Bush's policies have not worked. Guess what people? MCCAIN HAS THE SAME GODDAMN POLICIES!!! If a + b = shit pile, and the sum of c and d = the sum of a and b, then c and d are going to produce the same shit pile! The idea of a McCain/Palin foreign policy is potentially more frightening than Monkey Bush and Darth Cheney. You know what though? Upon additional investigation, it appears McCain and Palin should be given more credit. I mean with a nickname like Maverick, a hair-trigger temper and hardline on Russia, what could possibly go wrong? Oh and Palin. Don't worry about Palin's foreign policy experience, which she sums up in an interview on ABC with Charlie Gibson:
Charlie Gibson, "What insight into Russian actions particularly in the last couple weeks does the proximity of the state give you?
Sarah Palin, "They're our next door neighbors and you can actually SEE Russia from land in Alaska."
Charlie Gibson, "But what insight does that give you into what they're doing in Georgia.
Sarah Palin, "I'm giving you that perspective of how small our world is."
......Oh My (Insert Chosen Mythological Character Here).....
Charlie Gibson, "What insight into Russian actions particularly in the last couple weeks does the proximity of the state give you?
Sarah Palin, "They're our next door neighbors and you can actually SEE Russia from land in Alaska."
Charlie Gibson, "But what insight does that give you into what they're doing in Georgia.
Sarah Palin, "I'm giving you that perspective of how small our world is."
......Oh My (Insert Chosen Mythological Character Here).....
Here is an absolutely hilarious and scathing review of Sarah Palin from none other than Matttt Damonnnn. Even though Hollywood actors are inherently self-righteous, he does make a couple valid points. **Disclaimer** The following should be viewed for entertainment purposes only.
How is it that Bush - ergo McCain - claim to be conservative, but carry out such a radical foreign policy? Well, according to http://www.conservapedia.com/, a conservative is one who adheres to principles of limited government, personal responsibility and moral values. Limited government, huh? [Iraq War, Patriot Act, Wall-Street bailouts (reciprocity due to their skewed ideas of limited government)]. Moral values, huh? [What the fuck would your Jesus do? You oh so often talk for him, but have you read his teachings? Think your Jesus would be all for preemptive wars? Think your Jesus would be for your torture techniques? (Whoops forgot. It's not torture it's just roughing up. Sorry Johnny Maverick. Evidently you weren't tortured in the Hanoi Hilton, rather just roughed up). Since "No other encyclopedic resource on the internet is free of corruption by liberal untruths," we can safely conclude that Bush - ergo McCain - is not conservative, at least in terms of foreign policy. Guess who has a conservative foreign policy? That's right, Barack Obama. Here is an interesting article discussing the pragmatic approach Obama has on foreign policy; the pragmatic, conservative foreign policy we desperately need at the moment.http://www.dmagazine.com/ME2/dirmod.asp?nm=Core+Pages&type=gen&mod=Core+Pages&tier=3&gid=B33A5C6E2CF04C9596A3EF81822D9F8E
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I fully understand that international relationships are comprised of unfathomable nonlinear dynamics. This, in conjunction with our evolutionary habits, creates a fertile ground for war. Armed conflict will undoubtedly be around until there is only a singular human left. However, before you are so anxious to send someone else to combat a situation for your ideologies, lets do a little exercise. Just for sake of perspective-driven thinking, pretend that the only way for you to be pro-war on anything, YOU YOURSELF have to risk your life for that cause. Meditate on this for a moment. Do you still agree with Iraq? Would you even want to be fighting Al Qaeda in Afghanistan.?
The irony is the majority of people in agreement with these causes are the ProLifeRightWingChristians.
Spreading Christian Love
Can A Christian Marry An Agnostic?
I am 25 and have been dating the most wonderful guy for the last 3 years. I am a christian and he is agnostic. He treats me so wonderful and there is not a bad bone in his body, he respects my faith. He wants us to get engaged, can I marry an unbeliever and continue to lead him toward salvation?
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Moderator - The Word of God says no. In addition the Word of God states a Christian shouldn't be dating a nonbeliever in the first place. Please read II Corinthians 6:14-15.
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*Shaking head in hands* LOL. Fucking Ridiculous. Way to spread the love. I say she marry a fat, verbally abusive Christian fundamentalist who cherry picks bible versus to justify his mosogynist manifesto.
A Few Visuals...
...that may have had an impact on me in the last months.
Southside
Columbia River Gorge
Santa Barbara
Great Ideas In Humanity
Bridge to Nowhere...or to Prince Edward
Halifax
Mt. Hood
Salmon Roe
Portland Market
Sunday, September 21, 2008
New Project
These days of prosperity have introduced all sorts of initiative to explore new forms of thought. One such initiative is a dialogue between myself and a friend, whom on many levels is an intellectual superior. Subject can be anything and choice is rotated every other week. Below is the first segment. The response will be posted in the next week pending author permission.
Last night I was doing what I always do up here post-work, post-workout, post-dinner and post-shower; I was lying in bed with my computer sipping chamomile tea. Trying to come up with a thought this week, surfing the internet and trying not to get distracted by the hushed, yet raucous music in my ears, I thought of my travels and whether or not I could identify an intrinsic value that projected onto others through my experience. Of course the idea that traveling creates new perspective, strips ignorance and enhances and fosters a compassionate worldview is quite valid as seen through sociological observations, which I can corroborate through my own experience. Only speaking for myself, this result is detached from my actual motives that, for all intense and purposes, are much more self-serving than initially understood. All of my travel has been motivated by gaining personal experience or money. Don’t get me wrong, self-serving is not always negative and is a strong component of self-development. It did, however, start my philosophical wheels and resulted in three distinct questions placed here in order of evolution:
1) How can I incorporate more humanities into future travels?
2) Is the compassion that influenced the above question self-serving?
3) Is it possible to, and if so how can I, foster a non self-serving, sincere concern for the contentment of my friends? Or, is it possible to have broader depth in concern for the happiness of my friends than my own? Would I want this? Is this still an unconscious desire for a reciprocal karmic effect?
The first question is obvious in that the need for volunteers regardless of location is more ubiquitous than neo-cons on Fox News. The second question is more complex, but confident the answer is true compassion transcends ego and does not involve the self. However, if this true compassion does not come from the self, where does it come from? In short, I think it actually does derive from the self, is self-serving for the majority of us, but is capable of coming from outside the self. In honor of the timeless ‘post hoc ergo proctor hoc,’ it is my belief that compassion originates in this manner: experience (pain and pleasure) -> thought -> feeling (empathy) ->/guilt\ sub feeling (compassion) -> action. Using this paradigm, it is obvious that compassion originates deep within the self. What I did not include is that the feeling of empathy – which in this context is not synonymous with compassion, but is the mental projection of ‘putting your self in one’s shoes’ – always has an immediate negative, self-limiting effect. (DISCLAIMER: I do think there is a time and a place for empathy, can be positive and has the ability to aid in the development of the self, as well as a harmonious society).Using this logic, compassion is a defensive trait to reduce the unpleasant feeling of empathy; compassion being a mental awareness of suffering. Let’s look at a practical example.
Hurricane Katrina, the Volunteer and the Nihilist
I’m going down there to volunteer. Why? I want to help. Why do you want to help? Those people are suffering. What about their suffering makes you want to help?
I want to pay back to society. Why? I’ve been dealt a good hand and they haven’t. Why does that good hand influence you to help? (If you dissect the Volunteer’s last statement from a logical standpoint, you will notice that she implies at some point along the analysis there is something wrong about having a good hand vs. others with bad hands. This disconnect is guilt). The compassion she eventually felt came from and is a defense of the same feeling: guilt. That’s right; I’m claiming all (or most) volunteer work is a result of the often unconscious self-serving need to diminish guilt. Is this bad? This can be debated, but it at the very least drives good causes.
To answer question 2), at the basic unconscious level, compassion is self-serving. How the hell am I ever to be truly concerned with Laura’s (you for example) contentment from a non selfish platform? What motivates me to listen to her problems and actually hear what she is saying? Well I care about you, right? Where does that care come from?
If you trace it back far enough you will find it comes from guilt from empathy from our conditioned past. To rephrase question 3), is it possible to demonstrate an unfiltered, unadulterated compassion and concern for YOUR wellbeing that does not stem from my subconscious, but rather from a compassion that stems from nothing, but the present moment? Anticlimactically, no we can not. Despite how religious, spiritual or pure, we are still very much physical entities that are influenced by our blue print (genetics) and nature (experience). However, we are very much capable of doing the next best thing and that is simply recognizing the origins of our thought, urges and actions.
Psychological recognition is much easier said than done. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s been a major hub for intellectual debate and study for thousands of years. With that in mind, the task is quite daunting and questionably worth the time. Live in the present as much as you can. Since this present moment is all there is and ever will be, understand that the past is nothing more than a biased view of the present and the future is an interpolation based on our skewed idea of history. Hone your mental abilities to disregard the past or in other words take mental thought out all together. When I’m listening to you I do my best to concentrate on the sound and inflection of the words, take conscious note of my surroundings, feel my breathing and just listen without bias (as much as possible). I may offer advice here and there, but that’s secondary to feeling what you have to say just for the sake of feeling. To not empathize with your situation, but to void every thought, memory, emotion out of my being and just listen; to create a blank template for you to confide in. As soon as all superficialities are stripped from thought – fostering an understanding for the temporary and fleeting nature of our form – we can learn to put the happiness of others before ourselves. It is said this will bring true happiness. With that in mind, try not to do it for yourself ;)
Is it possible to foster compassion for my friends that is not self serving? This is yet to be determined due to the complexities of the human consciousness. Can I create broader depth and meaning in terms of happiness and contentment for my friends? Absolutely.
Self-Titled
Last night I was doing what I always do up here post-work, post-workout, post-dinner and post-shower; I was lying in bed with my computer sipping chamomile tea. Trying to come up with a thought this week, surfing the internet and trying not to get distracted by the hushed, yet raucous music in my ears, I thought of my travels and whether or not I could identify an intrinsic value that projected onto others through my experience. Of course the idea that traveling creates new perspective, strips ignorance and enhances and fosters a compassionate worldview is quite valid as seen through sociological observations, which I can corroborate through my own experience. Only speaking for myself, this result is detached from my actual motives that, for all intense and purposes, are much more self-serving than initially understood. All of my travel has been motivated by gaining personal experience or money. Don’t get me wrong, self-serving is not always negative and is a strong component of self-development. It did, however, start my philosophical wheels and resulted in three distinct questions placed here in order of evolution:
1) How can I incorporate more humanities into future travels?
2) Is the compassion that influenced the above question self-serving?
3) Is it possible to, and if so how can I, foster a non self-serving, sincere concern for the contentment of my friends? Or, is it possible to have broader depth in concern for the happiness of my friends than my own? Would I want this? Is this still an unconscious desire for a reciprocal karmic effect?
The first question is obvious in that the need for volunteers regardless of location is more ubiquitous than neo-cons on Fox News. The second question is more complex, but confident the answer is true compassion transcends ego and does not involve the self. However, if this true compassion does not come from the self, where does it come from? In short, I think it actually does derive from the self, is self-serving for the majority of us, but is capable of coming from outside the self. In honor of the timeless ‘post hoc ergo proctor hoc,’ it is my belief that compassion originates in this manner: experience (pain and pleasure) -> thought -> feeling (empathy) ->/guilt\ sub feeling (compassion) -> action. Using this paradigm, it is obvious that compassion originates deep within the self. What I did not include is that the feeling of empathy – which in this context is not synonymous with compassion, but is the mental projection of ‘putting your self in one’s shoes’ – always has an immediate negative, self-limiting effect. (DISCLAIMER: I do think there is a time and a place for empathy, can be positive and has the ability to aid in the development of the self, as well as a harmonious society).Using this logic, compassion is a defensive trait to reduce the unpleasant feeling of empathy; compassion being a mental awareness of suffering. Let’s look at a practical example.
Hurricane Katrina, the Volunteer and the Nihilist
I’m going down there to volunteer. Why? I want to help. Why do you want to help? Those people are suffering. What about their suffering makes you want to help?
I want to pay back to society. Why? I’ve been dealt a good hand and they haven’t. Why does that good hand influence you to help? (If you dissect the Volunteer’s last statement from a logical standpoint, you will notice that she implies at some point along the analysis there is something wrong about having a good hand vs. others with bad hands. This disconnect is guilt). The compassion she eventually felt came from and is a defense of the same feeling: guilt. That’s right; I’m claiming all (or most) volunteer work is a result of the often unconscious self-serving need to diminish guilt. Is this bad? This can be debated, but it at the very least drives good causes.
To answer question 2), at the basic unconscious level, compassion is self-serving. How the hell am I ever to be truly concerned with Laura’s (you for example) contentment from a non selfish platform? What motivates me to listen to her problems and actually hear what she is saying? Well I care about you, right? Where does that care come from?
If you trace it back far enough you will find it comes from guilt from empathy from our conditioned past. To rephrase question 3), is it possible to demonstrate an unfiltered, unadulterated compassion and concern for YOUR wellbeing that does not stem from my subconscious, but rather from a compassion that stems from nothing, but the present moment? Anticlimactically, no we can not. Despite how religious, spiritual or pure, we are still very much physical entities that are influenced by our blue print (genetics) and nature (experience). However, we are very much capable of doing the next best thing and that is simply recognizing the origins of our thought, urges and actions.
Psychological recognition is much easier said than done. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s been a major hub for intellectual debate and study for thousands of years. With that in mind, the task is quite daunting and questionably worth the time. Live in the present as much as you can. Since this present moment is all there is and ever will be, understand that the past is nothing more than a biased view of the present and the future is an interpolation based on our skewed idea of history. Hone your mental abilities to disregard the past or in other words take mental thought out all together. When I’m listening to you I do my best to concentrate on the sound and inflection of the words, take conscious note of my surroundings, feel my breathing and just listen without bias (as much as possible). I may offer advice here and there, but that’s secondary to feeling what you have to say just for the sake of feeling. To not empathize with your situation, but to void every thought, memory, emotion out of my being and just listen; to create a blank template for you to confide in. As soon as all superficialities are stripped from thought – fostering an understanding for the temporary and fleeting nature of our form – we can learn to put the happiness of others before ourselves. It is said this will bring true happiness. With that in mind, try not to do it for yourself ;)
Is it possible to foster compassion for my friends that is not self serving? This is yet to be determined due to the complexities of the human consciousness. Can I create broader depth and meaning in terms of happiness and contentment for my friends? Absolutely.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Mission Statement (To Myself): Why Did I Sellout The Right?
If you're thinking I'm talking about the political and religious right, you are more wrong than when God gave George W. Bush Divine directives on foreign policy in the middle east. You are more wrong than Pat Robertson attributing Hurricane Katrina with homosexuality. You are more wrong than the megalomaniacal god of the Old Testament. You are more wrong than the physiological effects of overdosing on fiber. You are more wrong than that Jen-girl who tried to make out with me during Schindler's List; more to do with Seinfeldian Theory than Freudian Theory. You are more wrong than the socio-evolutionary correlation between density of cranial hair and virility. The right I speak of is actually the creative hemisphere of my brain that has been suffocated for the last decade.
Whether or not the characteristics of the respective lobes are more dominate than the others is beside the point. The primary outlet for my creativity in the last ten years could be defined as: The momentous effect of allowing irrational thoughts to sabotage my life (resulting in a perpetual apathy that clouded everything until that culminating moment). For sake of clarity, the time before that moment will be referred to as Pre Moment Satisfaction (PMS), and the time after that moment will be referred to as Sudden Enlightenment Culminating in Satisfaction, or SECS.
Obviously PMS was not pleasant, but as soon as I experienced SECS, everything opened up. There wasn't a singular feeling of comfort knowing that everything was going to be ok, rather an understanding that the concept of O.K. only exists in my mind. There was only an ok if I wanted there to be an ok. There was no good nor bad until there was meaning attached to moment. Very existential, huh? Anyway, soon after the initial SECS moment, I began to experience SECS on a regular basis. The SECS started out slow at first, but soon I was experiencing SECS all the time. Ironically, most of the SECS was with myself, often times I had SECS with someone and once I even had sex, shit, I mean SECS, with multiple partners simultaneously! It is my belief that the majority of us has SECS at least once and the experience greatly varies for each person. Sometimes we go a long time without SECS, this period for me was known as PMS. PMS prevented my ability to foster any type of creativity in my life. Since that initial SECS, the cognitive pressure has been building up and looking for a release - a massive release, and a BLOGSPOT WAS CREATED!
I am not an artist of any type; I cannot read music and my brush stroke is more of a brush jab. The art I refer to is an ability to impart something completely unique - in form and order - to the universe for sake of nothing other than doing something different. That's what art is isn't it? Therein lies my fundamental problem with creativity and art. With a right brain that has sufficient stagnation for mosquito breeding and in a world of influence, is it possible to create something completely unique in form? Hasn't everything already been done? Remember the episode of the The Twighlight Zone with the tiny civilization that sprouts in the pitri dish; then done again by the Outer Limits; then done again with Lisa's lost tooth in The Simpsons; then done again in South Park with Cartman's fish tank, the semen and the brine shrimp. So let me rephrase, is it possible to create something completely unique in order? I'm confident I can take an idea from you, that guy in the corner and the satirist and come up with an originalish thought. Just remember, everything I create, rearrange, plagiarize - call it what you will - is a result of my interaction with you.
Everything I create is a testament to you. That's right, YOU. I came into this world, not with a blue print, but with a first draft. When the smoke cleared, I was the proud owner of 23 chromosomes from my mother and 23 chromosomes from my father. Used chromosomes to say the least. Here I was, this jelly-covered used car; not even a rough draft, but a first draft. Despite everything imparted on me by my parents; my alcoholism, abusive nature, affinity for dendraphila -- my dad is a perverted botanist -- I keep on stumbling on. I didn't realize it at the time, but there was another aspect to my mental development, you! Nature, experience, SECS, call it what you will, every interaction I have had with you, no matter how minute, has had an effect on my brain chemistry; just as I have had you. You are an integral in my equation; just as I am in yours. We are but pinballs bouncing in the night. Enough of the melodrama already. Articles of faith aside, we are all used cars. I don't want to be a used car anymore. I want something more than my analytical career. *Low, ominous voice**I want a blog.
Whether my cognition is analogous to a used car or not, there are parts of my mind that are eager for exploration and refinement. Jake why are you making this public though? Hell I dunno. Maybe my ego wants to impart something tangible on the universe. Maybe I have some strange preoccupation with the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) and want to be proactive. Maybe it's trendy. Whatever the reason, I've been looking for an outlet and for the time being this is it. A stream-of-consciousness platform to express my opinions and frustrations until the towel can stand up on its own.
Love and Logic
Whether or not the characteristics of the respective lobes are more dominate than the others is beside the point. The primary outlet for my creativity in the last ten years could be defined as: The momentous effect of allowing irrational thoughts to sabotage my life (resulting in a perpetual apathy that clouded everything until that culminating moment). For sake of clarity, the time before that moment will be referred to as Pre Moment Satisfaction (PMS), and the time after that moment will be referred to as Sudden Enlightenment Culminating in Satisfaction, or SECS.
Obviously PMS was not pleasant, but as soon as I experienced SECS, everything opened up. There wasn't a singular feeling of comfort knowing that everything was going to be ok, rather an understanding that the concept of O.K. only exists in my mind. There was only an ok if I wanted there to be an ok. There was no good nor bad until there was meaning attached to moment. Very existential, huh? Anyway, soon after the initial SECS moment, I began to experience SECS on a regular basis. The SECS started out slow at first, but soon I was experiencing SECS all the time. Ironically, most of the SECS was with myself, often times I had SECS with someone and once I even had sex, shit, I mean SECS, with multiple partners simultaneously! It is my belief that the majority of us has SECS at least once and the experience greatly varies for each person. Sometimes we go a long time without SECS, this period for me was known as PMS. PMS prevented my ability to foster any type of creativity in my life. Since that initial SECS, the cognitive pressure has been building up and looking for a release - a massive release, and a BLOGSPOT WAS CREATED!
I am not an artist of any type; I cannot read music and my brush stroke is more of a brush jab. The art I refer to is an ability to impart something completely unique - in form and order - to the universe for sake of nothing other than doing something different. That's what art is isn't it? Therein lies my fundamental problem with creativity and art. With a right brain that has sufficient stagnation for mosquito breeding and in a world of influence, is it possible to create something completely unique in form? Hasn't everything already been done? Remember the episode of the The Twighlight Zone with the tiny civilization that sprouts in the pitri dish; then done again by the Outer Limits; then done again with Lisa's lost tooth in The Simpsons; then done again in South Park with Cartman's fish tank, the semen and the brine shrimp. So let me rephrase, is it possible to create something completely unique in order? I'm confident I can take an idea from you, that guy in the corner and the satirist and come up with an originalish thought. Just remember, everything I create, rearrange, plagiarize - call it what you will - is a result of my interaction with you.
Everything I create is a testament to you. That's right, YOU. I came into this world, not with a blue print, but with a first draft. When the smoke cleared, I was the proud owner of 23 chromosomes from my mother and 23 chromosomes from my father. Used chromosomes to say the least. Here I was, this jelly-covered used car; not even a rough draft, but a first draft. Despite everything imparted on me by my parents; my alcoholism, abusive nature, affinity for dendraphila -- my dad is a perverted botanist -- I keep on stumbling on. I didn't realize it at the time, but there was another aspect to my mental development, you! Nature, experience, SECS, call it what you will, every interaction I have had with you, no matter how minute, has had an effect on my brain chemistry; just as I have had you. You are an integral in my equation; just as I am in yours. We are but pinballs bouncing in the night. Enough of the melodrama already. Articles of faith aside, we are all used cars. I don't want to be a used car anymore. I want something more than my analytical career. *Low, ominous voice**I want a blog.
Whether my cognition is analogous to a used car or not, there are parts of my mind that are eager for exploration and refinement. Jake why are you making this public though? Hell I dunno. Maybe my ego wants to impart something tangible on the universe. Maybe I have some strange preoccupation with the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) and want to be proactive. Maybe it's trendy. Whatever the reason, I've been looking for an outlet and for the time being this is it. A stream-of-consciousness platform to express my opinions and frustrations until the towel can stand up on its own.
Love and Logic
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