Disparate Thought

Power to the PeaceFUL

2011-02-26T17:38:00.004-06:00

In response to The Power of Peace and 41 and Done, with deference to Ghandi et al and artistically portrayed through a personal favorite of mine, Anti-Flag's Power to the Peaceful, there are admittedly some reassuring events taking place currently.

Also corroborating Richard Dawkin's idea of a shifting moral zeitgeist,

people are beginning to realize that the use of peaceful protest - en mass - as a means to enact progressive change is perhaps more influential than ever imagined. However, this mechanism would 1) not be nearly as affective without morality as defined in the year 2011 and 2) used in conjunction with the interconnectedness of geographically isolated cultures through the internet and global media.

These events have caused many of the typical freedom and democracy-thumpers to divest themselves of their flag covered shell and to speak of caution and in outright opposition to these overwhelmingly peaceful movements against oppressive autocratic, theocratic and kleptocratic oligarchies. Not only do these naysayers soil themselves with hypocrisy since it has been "vital" to spread democracy around the world - often by force - but they are tacitly acknowledging that democracy is only good when it's good for them, which completely dissolves their definition of "democracy" as an inherently righteous system. For many of us, this comes as no surprise as the American government has been supporting brutal right-wing authoritarian regimes for the last century (see: Egypt, Bahrain, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Yemen, Iran, Iraq, the Taliban, Nicaragua, Chile, Cambodia and many many more and include such individuals as Mubarek, Saddam Hussein, the Ayatollah Khomeini, Pinochet and Pol Pot and many many more than I can think of at the moment). This wasn't just turning a blind eye to genocide, mass murders or the systematic subjugation of a citizenry, this was direct support by the U.S. government in order to protect and perpetuate these regimes in the name of "our" supposed interest.

The hypocrisy of American democracy-thumpers does bring up an important point, which is the inherent goodness of democracy is predicated on the presumption that the majority view is 1) morally superior 2) displays an affinity toward free markets and 3) like the markets tends to be self-correcting through open and honest elections. Without debating the merits of these points, it's important to note what democracy is NOT, and that is, just like the markets, it's unpredictable and inherently oppressive of minority views. I'm not advocating for another system of governance, but I do want to point out the paradox of promoting democracy through verbalized ideology and supporting the antithesis through action. I'd also like to point out that just like anything else, embracing democracy as a dogma can be a dangerous game (see Hamas).

With that said, these peaceful protests have been a touching portrayal of the human "spirit" and whatever the people want, as long as it doesn't promote violence, irrationality or illogic as a doctrine, it is their destiny (ugh melodramatic) to create; we need to sit this one out. I think if anything, this whole movement is indicative of the short-sidedness and futility of the dogmatic view of militaristic intervention as a force for good.

THE CONSTITUTION: FUCK YEAH!!

2010-11-03T13:15:00.001-05:00

RE: OMG! Creeping Christian Sharia!

Mr. Brayton correctly points out the parallels between this case of Biblically-based mediation and the "proliferation" of Sharia law in communities such as Dearborn, Michigan. The implied question is, "Where is the outrage?" Well, this is indicative of the hypocritical reasoning behind a group of certain political and metaphysical persuasion. These are the people who claim to worship a literal interpretation of the US Constitution as a means-all, ends-all to a national philosophy, that is of course... until they don't.

"We worship the 1st amendment, but the clause 'prohibiting any law respecting an establishment of religion' has nothing to do with a separation of church and sate and we ARE a Christian nation even though claiming this in a legal sense is actually unconstitutional."

"The constitution is as inflexible as the Ten Commandments were from the carved out stone of Mt. Sinai and we love the 14th amendment, but it really shouldn't apply anymore to 1st generation Mexican-Americans born of illegal immigrants."

"We love the Due Process Clause of the 14th amendment... that is until it becomes inconvenient and we drop it like a bad date and go home with the Patriot Act."

"The constitution is great because it promises equal protection for all and something something about life, liberty and happiness and we are a constitutionally limited government, but we're still going to tell you whose dick you can or cannot felate and which person you can or cannot marry."

"The constitution is the strict law of the land and if you have any intellectual dissent you are unAmerican and we agree with everything in the constitution... that is... UNTIL WE DON'T!"

Response to Juan Williams Firing

2010-10-22T14:15:00.000-05:00

I don't think what he said makes him a bigot and based on his discussion alone he should not have been fired. Humans have evolved to identify patterns as a mechanism for self-preservation. (Eg: TV shows us: "ALLAH AKHBAR!!" -> BOMB -> people die -> conditioned to resist Islam in all forms/places in order to survive). Psych 101.

People who claim Islam is a peaceful religion are deluded. The religion is based on the doctrine and the doctrine is full of violent - what we now consider highly immoral - dictations. Islam is also not exclusively violent by any means. This whole meme is a lesson in our susceptibility toward irrational beliefs and using reason to overcome that for our own benefit AND the comfort for our collective living space.

However, if a 27 yr old average-Jake can live amongst Muslims, talk with Muslims, maintain many Muslim friends and identify that the chances of being killed by a terrorist attack in America is less than being struck by lightning, then shame on a middle-aged, highly "intellectual" and "cultured" Juan Williams for not doing the same.

As far as being fired by NPR, well, he was correct to say he does not fit in (their) box. NPR is one of the last bastions of relatively untainted journalism in the current age of admitted anti-intellectualism. It's pretty obvious where the conflict of interest arises when you act as an NPR analyst during the day and a Fox pundit at night, not to mention breaking specific sections of NPR's employee standards regarding making opinions public. If he was fired for any reason other than continually defying this employer statute over the course of years, then his termination was wrong.

This isn't censorship though, it's business. My employer is a DOD contractor and if I go around bad-mouthing the DOD there is a good chance we will lose contracts and I will get fired. I took the job on this understanding of professional discretion. Juan Williams did the same, was indiscrete (many times) and was fired for it.

Well what about cutting federal funding?!?!?!??!?!!?
I think there is an argument to be made that if he was NOT fired then gov't funding should have ceased because these funds were being allocated based on the presumption of set standards (ie. contractual guidelines for employees) that was being consistently stretched and broken over Mr. Williams' tenure.

BUTT-SEX INDUCED RETARD FROG-SQUIRREL

2010-10-21T20:18:00.005-05:00

So evolution says...

The simple truth that Glenn Beck can say something of such intellectual incoherence - something in which I could eat tainted chorizo and literally SHART more intelligible audio - and still have such enraptured viewership, amazes me of how much further advanced I really am than him and his ilk and equally as horrified that I supposedly have to face the god that supposedly "intelligently" designed the aforementioned when I die.

Did anyone else draw the same parallels between Beck's faith-influenced obstinance and Mrs. Garrison's glorious display of scholarly interpretation of evolution?

Capitalism as Proxy for Truth???

2010-10-20T17:00:00.004-05:00

via xkcd

This indicator is not without essential caveats:

1) Suggesting that people don't capitalize on many of the above phenomenon that are unchecked is simply false.

2) Whether or not these unfortunate people benefit from "utilizing" certain unsubstantiated phenomenon is independent to the credibility of such claims (I.e. the placebo effect).

3) It goes without question that in our society, capitalism, or the act of making money for the sake of making money, attracts some of our brightest minds. It is also apparent that many of these minds work for some of the most ruthlessly capitalistic companies where "business ethic" means "profit margins." The supply-siders would argue that capitalism does a great job of regulating itself by rewarding innovation and overall effectiveness of product or service.

Essentially, if homeopathy cured cancer or even helped with depression or the common cold, Fortune 500 companies would be on this money maker faster than you can say "bullshit."

Substitute homeopathy for any number of delusive claims and this model is actually pretty reliable.

Stream of Lottery-Balls:

2010-07-22T21:46:00.002-05:00

Ugh.. I'm super fucking tired because last night in my Kauakauna, WI hotel I "tossed and turned" from 10pm until after 2am, which never happens. I ALWAYS sleep like a rock. My morning could be described by what Rowdy Roddy Piper said in They Live, "Life's a Bitch... and she's in heat." Then it pisses down on me during the entire 'subsurface hydrological investigation' I was conducting. After I get done - muddied, soaked, dejected- it takes me 6 fucking hours to get home for a typical 3.5 hour drive: Traffic. Fucking Traffic. The single leading reason why I want to move on a very private piece of 10 acres. Don't get me wrong, I love the city... most cities in fact. I would rather raise children in the city. It's a perfect place for someone with a hyper 'sympathetic nervous response' because it's wonderful immersion therapy. One of my biggest pet-peeves, especially after living/working in chicago/london for over a combined three years, is when people I come across ask where I live and retort with, "Oh.. I'm from Chicago!! I grew up in Joliet!" Are you fucking kidding me? There is something admirable and challenging and sexy about living in the city. I can so empathize with sahar and her friends and everyone else who is Chicago-proper and have to listen to a bunch of spoiled Schaumbergians tell people that they too are from Chicago. It's like saying you were in Nam, but served in the Texas Air National Gaurd.

It's common knowledge now that BP lobbied the British govt for the release of the lockerbie mass murderer. BP sold their souls and we continue to suck willingly at their over-powering, evil dick. This is sick. We love to bitch them out when they destroy our earth and lobby to free a murderer of innocent people for profits, but continue to lovingly swallow their black jiz without bashing a lash or thinking twice. They are jokes. We are jokes. I stopped buying BP gasoline, but not only is my 401k probably heavily diversified with BP funds, as are all of yours, any other oil companies are just as bad. You'd think by not buying anyting plastic, buying all locally made product and using an electric vehicle would put these guys out of business... HA.. good luck with that. This is an anal-rape Stockholm syndrome. We're hooked. I mean for one, everything is plastic. And two, not only do we not have the electric-generation infrastructure to support even a 100K more electric vehicles, but where teh fuck do yo uthink we're going to get the electricity if a demand is created for these cars? Most likely, coal-fired power plants. Pound for pound... well let's just say this... in terms of pollution and greenhouse gasses: Faith is to Science as Coal is to Petroleum. Ok not the most congruent of ACT questions but illustrates my point nonetheless.

This post is a result of several weeks of chronic anxiety + acute stress + way too much scotch.
If I had a dollar for every one of you I loved I'd hav elike fifteen dollars.

A Book (Book) Review

2010-07-20T21:35:00.002-05:00

The term Bible comes from a Greek word meaning books. And here are several reviews of said book(s):

Hell Froze Over

2010-07-19T19:59:00.002-05:00

Tonight Bill O'Reilly unexpectedly, pragmatically, rhetorically asked if Al Gore was correct about global warming. This aberration was a result of a recent press release by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric citing recent climatic data indicating June 2010 the warmest month on record and that 2010 is on pace to be the warmest year on record, not to mention that the last decade was the warmest on record. All of this warming, which climatologists cannot explain through natural processes, ironically coincides with an unprecedented amount of unnatural unsequestering (if you will) of greenhouse gasses. Maybe we should listen to the climatologists.

Personally, I have no doubt regarding the validity of anthropogenic alterations of our climate. Deniers - many of whom live in relatively quaint suburbs, all of whom seem to perpetuate their ill-informed views due to an ideological ego-complex - either base their views on faith or actually look at some of the evidence, but retain their status quo because a narrow worldview does not allow abstract ideas to influence their bias. They continue to experience placid springs, frigid winters and that coupled with an ideological ego means all is good in the land of God and guns. You don't have to study the recession of the Greenland Ice Sheet through advanced physical techniques in glaciology to gain a concrete understanding of what is going on.

Simply travel to a city such as Beijing, Tehran, Mumbai or even L.A. and hundreds of others and you will get close-up and personal view (and smell) of how we are warming and changing our world's environment (for the worse). It's not difficult to determine the molecular byproducts of internal combustion, add the roughly 3.6 million cars in Beijing plus all the other internal combustion vehicles in the world, include industrial processes and all of the other inconspicuous sources of CO2, CH4,... including the artificially inflated number of cattle and you'll understand that for the first time in history we are dramatically changing atmospheric constituents at an alarming pace. Something is going to happen. Even if you completely disagree that the current warming trend is man made, you no doubt agree that:

1) If you fucking blow the tailpipe of your Escalade while on, you will pass out or die. If you continue to blow the tailpipe while on, you will turn into a cancer-ridden, conservative Christian invalid. Since most people don't blow their tailpipe, the earth - in a way - is blowing your tailpipe. The tailpipe effluent typically stays in the atmosphere for a long time. This is going to do stuff and if nothing else, destroy our air quality.

2) Current lifestyles are not sustainable. Not the relative ignorant, self-anointed environmental liberal idea of sustainable that is living in a 3,000 square foot home, but taking advantage of Chicago's recycling program. (FYI- None of our current recycling programs are sustainable). And not the conservative definition of sustainable, which is inherently evil because it infringes on personal liberty and is nothing more than green-industry propaganda; rather, sustainable as defined by Thomas Friedman, "Sustainability says that I will behave as if I will always be here and always be held accountable for what took place on my watch."

3) Despite your misguided definition of conservatism and ignorant views on nationalism, you are supporting terrorism. Every dollar of gas you put in your car helps support radical Islamic countries such as Iran and Saudi Arabia who are very well-known financial supporters of groups like the Taliban, Al Qaeda, Hamas and the like.

With this is mind, I think it's a great idea to continue driving your Hummer and supporting a business-as-usual energy paradigm because that doesn't conflict with your conservative views at all.

I Love Airport(s) (Bar(s))

2010-07-15T14:27:00.003-05:00

Possibly due to the optimistic excitement created only by large groups of outgoing explorers, or perhaps it is the same characterstic hustle and bustle that draws me to the city, or maybe it is because I am still a little boy when it comes to any type of aircraft, but most likely it is the fact that I can look professional whilst binge drinking large amounts of piss beer.

Mel Gibson's Pancake Nipples in all Their Glory

2010-07-14T22:01:00.003-05:00

Possibly the worst idea in the history of mankind is the advent of white undergarments to cover orifices that excrete dark brown, bright yellow, red and sometimes even green. I seriously cannot fathom why anyone would buy white underwear. White underwear is a perfect analog for religion: A great number of people believing a horrible idea because that is what the people before them believed and so on ad infinitum. This case being that it is a good idea to cover a shit-spewing sphincter, for example, with white linen.

Speaking of shit-spewing sphincter, is anyone else tired of the incongruity that is Sarah Palin's logic? The media should also be humiliated for covering Bristol "I preach abstinence-only eduction, but continue to take more black cocks than that blonde in 18 and Taking it Deep 4" Palin and her supposed future husband. It's one thing to cover inane topics such as the Palins and their erroneous relevance, it's another thing to cover Mel Gibson in an attempt to destroy is reputation and career.

I used to think Matt and Trey were being hard on Mel when they would seemingly arbitrarily satirize him. Yet, as a testament to their genius, they were obviously on to something.

He's pretty close to winning the douche of the year award, but a close second would have to be Dr. Phil. God what a douche.

At least legitimate shrinks capitalize on people's problems in private instead of exploiting them for ratings. And please don't think that Dr. Phil's pancake nipples make him credible. A lot of douche bags have wonderful pancake nipples. Hell, I bet Sarah and Bristol have pancake nipples.

pan·cake nip·ple
Pronunciation: \ˈpan-ˌkāk ˈni-pəl\
1. Aeriola or tissue of 'Andre the Giant' proportions around the protuberance of mammary gland, see pannies.

Can you use it in a sentence?

That bitch looked like a shit-spewing sphincter, but Daayyamn! she had some sweet-ass pancake nipples!

I'd like to close with the keys to a Clean Sweep (ie. The ART of defecating without the need to clean up effluent remnants).

1) Fiber, insoluble and soluble
2) Adequate protein
3) Morning and evening squat thrusts
4) Tri-weekly meeting with Colonel and Anel Angus
5) And most importantly, communion. The weekly consumption of the Body of Christ, specifically the portion of his divinely superior small intestine.

Ten Commandments Vs. Ten Commandments:

2010-07-13T20:45:00.004-05:00

Let me present a lesson in modern morality - or amorality - brought to you by of those Christ'n Christians, Jump'n Jewsafits and Maulin Muslims. Please allow yourself to be refreshed by the 'moral' foundations many of you continue to fight for in our society. Taken from the book of Exodus, which is the narrative of Moses's acid trip in which 'God' spoke to him and inscripted his absolute moral directives on stone, and retold in Deutoronomy, here is what you've all been waiting for! (with a bit of my rudimentary insight in red)

-I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery (I'm afraid since I was not of Jewish lineage, God technically did not bring me out of the land of Egypt ergo he does not want me to claim him).

-Do not have any other gods before me. (There are a lot of people around the world breaking this one. Is it just me or does God seem more of a self-conscious, pimply-faced deity?)

-You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. (What about Freud's theory of 'Penis Envy.' Many woman subconsciously worship the Almighty Peep. Didn't God make woman in his image from Adam's rib or something. Does God worship the Peep above himself?)

-You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments. (I thought God was all-loving. If you failed to notice, he's flat out saying that he will punish innocent children. Hmm.. jealous and vengeful. What a wise God).

-You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name. (My Grandfather used the phrase God Damnit several times a day over the course of his successful and relative fortuitous 85 year-old life).

-Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. (God in human form, God's Son, one of the several Gods that make up what many people think is actually Christian polytheism or some conman (Jesus), says in Mark that not only was the Sabbath made for man, not the other way around, but the Sabath was/is just for Jews, so I guess all of us gentiles (the unchosen people) can sleep in).

-For six days you shall labour and do all your work. (Monday through Friday, 9 to 5. Guess most of the working class is going to hell).

-But the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work—you, your son or your daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock, or the alien resident in your towns. (Ohhhhhhh.. so God is saying that slavery is morally acceptable. Great!)

-For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but rested the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and consecrated it. (I believe we have a name for people who believe this: Fucking Batshit Ignorant DogShit Bloody Tampon-Taco Crazy.

-Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. (Most teenage girls are going to burn).

-You shall not murder. (Duh).
-You shall not commit adultery. (From a social perspective, no. From a biological perspective, adultery is more natural than green grass).
-You shall not steal. (That would be the nice thing. Tell that to the pyramid scheme sub-prime mortgage securities and derivatives dealers, or maybe that should fall under the next one).

-You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

-You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor. (Once again, it's ok to have slaves just not fuck them in the physical or in mind. Donkey? Really? Yeah, just because I have a partner means I find all other females hideous. Great intelligent design'n Jebus's Ghost).

For all you people of religion, particularly Abrahamic religions, that proclaim morality is absolute and a derivative of the above commandments, take a look at the list of 'commandments' below. Please read them carefully, study them, meditate (or pray) and compare them with your list. If you can look into your 'soul' and honestly say that you would rather live in the world with the former, we're all fucked. However, I already know your answer; I already know that no matter how much evidence and reason contradicts your amoral and paradoxical belief system, you will always side with your god because THAT IS FAITH. For everyone else, read and be enlightened:

*Do not do to others what you would not want them to do to you.

*In all things, strive to cause no harm.

*Treat your fellow human beings, your fellow living things, and the world in general with love, honesty, faithfulness and respect.

*Do not overlook evil or shrink from administering justice, but always be ready to forgive wrongdoing freely admitted and honestly regretted.

*Live life with a sense of joy and wonder.

*Always seek to be learning something new.

*Test all things; always check your ideas against the facts, and be ready to discard even a cherished belief if it does not conform to them.

*Never seek to censor or cut yourself off from dissent; always respect the right of others to disagree with you.

*Form independent opinions on the basis of your own reason and experience; do not allow yourself to be led blindly by others.

*Question everything.

I Worship YOU Carl Sagan!

2010-07-12T20:58:00.008-05:00

Somewhere in my awkward adolescents - before my scientific and literary comprehension allowed me to fully grasp the depth of such substance - I read Carl Sagan's "Dragons of Eden." Having won a Pulitzer prize in some years before my conception, this work of art about evolutionary biology, psychology and the like has all but contextually fleeted at this point in my life except for a few thoughts about similarities between the brain scans of humans and chimps. However, as a symbol of my enlightenment for the unrelenting profundity of our existence and 'the' - not our - universe, it persists.

Later, during my intoxicated teens, it was Sagan's "Billions and Billions" that really brought me into the realm of science. Written as a collection of essays on global warming, religion and morality, abortion, anthropology and on and on, "Billions and Billions," in its unpretentious prose, illustrated the sheer breadth of science as a practice and savior: I was hooked.

The final stage in my conversion came in college with "The Demon Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark." A book that should be required reading for all high school students, after consuming this instruction manual on the scientific method as a means of critical thinking, there was no going back. I could no longer accept a claim on face value regardless of volume of belief. I could no longer NOT question authority whether in politics, religion and even science. I finally understood that faith as a virtue meant a life without integrity.

The following is Mr. Sagan at his finest, perhaps because of his relaxing tone or maybe because of the density of consciousness-raising in nine minutes, either way, Carl Sagan has taught me that there is more beauty and wonder in the universe than any religion and spirituality can offer, there is comfort in scientific achievement and there is always hope - without simply conjuring fictions - in what we don't yet know.

via Pharyngula

Days of My Life (via iphone and a self-hating neo-luddite)

2010-07-11T20:31:00.006-05:00

We believe this is the elf that tends to defecate in our mouths after long nights of drinking. There is also reason to believe the elf steals my socks and hides my keys. Based on apparent excitement of the elf, it is likely the subject just consumed several of my socks and subsequently took a nice dook in my sleeping mouth.

Rare physical contact with the elusive underpants gnome.

Beast-sitting this cat-dog, Sahar gets a free exfoliation from a sandpaper tongue, but developed a rash probably due to the fact that this thing regularly licks its butt.

Dr. Seuss role-playing.

My home office. It's a much less depressing view in the summer and the thick foliage allows me to work naked without being branded a pervert. It's pretty tranquil until the affluent queens come by walking their noisy ankle-biting designer dogs and bump Cher in their convertibles. No joke. They don't help the stereotype.

I call this "Afternoon Sailing: Horizon Over Easy."

Commuter's view of the most underrated 'coastline' in the world.

Lunch Break
Crosstown bike commute.

Shakira, "Statistics Don't Lie and I'm Starting to Feel It's Right"

2010-07-10T11:05:00.006-05:00

"Jake, you have no idea how bad it's getting down there," as my friend attempts to justify Arizona's new immigration bill, most likely in response to the murder of a rancher - suspected by this Fox News report - by an illegal immigrant drug scout. The author takes no time in stating that the rancher was, "...likely killed by an illegal immigrant," but cites circumstantial evidence that would not hold up in any objective court.

I don't want to take away from the tragedy of such senseless violence, and I am in no position to claim an understanding of the Mexican-American border town dynamic, but wish to make two points:

1) This is a perfect example of mob mentality: condemning a group of people based on the actions of a few outliers.

2) There are conspicuous differences between the overwhelming majority of the estimated 12 million illegal immigrants residing in the U.S. and that of illegal immigrants associated with the drug trade.

Take a look at arrest records from around the country to confirm my claim. After all, what is the incentive for someone who takes great risks for a better life just to turn around and break the law by committing a violent crime and risk imprisonment and deportation back to the ghetto? It's simply cost/benefit and the short answer is there is no incentive.

Most of the 'crime' associated with illegal immigration isn't about immigration at all, but about the drug trade, which was brought to Mexico in a large part due to our 'War on Drugs.' The geniuses decided that creating a blockade in the Caribbean would stop drugs and crime in the U.S., but all it did was reinforce the 'path of least resistance' principal. Now, drug cartels have taken over Mexico, created virtual war zones and have ultimately helped in destroying the economy south of the border. And who do we blame but the very hardworking people who have ultimately helped grow our GDP (overall net positive/negative fiscal benefit can be debated).

Conservatives, mostly, are using the increased crime wave caused by illegals to push through the most controversial immigration bill in our history. But, if you look closely and objectively, there is no increased crime wave. The FBI has just released new data indicating that overall, violent crime in Arizona is down.

This debate is as much about violence as a violent regime was Bush's reasoning for going into Iraq. If that was the case, Bush would have gone into Darfur and we would currently be talking about the internal genocide taking place on the streets of Chicago's south-side instead of the 'violence' 'perpetuated' by illegal immigrants in Arizona. But it's not about violence and crime; it's about power and selfishness and a lack of empathy and xenophobia.

President Obama was all but crucified by conservatives when he stated that, "The southern border is more secure today than at any time in the past 20 years." Any objectivist can look at the data (e.g. number of personnel on the border, amount of technological security developments, length and height of physical obstructions and crime rates in southern states) and reasonably make the same deductions of Mr. Obama. Just take a look at these two graphs illustrating violent crime in Phoenix and Mesa over the last decade through data collected by the FBI:

Obviously these aren't exactly 'border towns,' but not only can these data reliably be used as proxies for other towns in Arizona, much of the anti-immigrant and pro-SB 1070 rhetoric comes from cities such as Phoenix and Mesa. There are no doubt many violent crimes committed by illegal immigrants and these graphs also do not represent the first generation children of illegal immigrants, many of whom turn to gangs and other crime as a result of what some experts say is a loss of culture and lack of supervision by parents who have to work long hours and multiple jobs. However, suggesting there is an inherent relationship between illegal immigration and crime is disingenuous at best and is more likely due to the well-documented relationship of poverty and crime.

I have no problem carrying a national i.d. card with me all the time or limiting immigration in the U.S. similar to that of NPOs keeping a large percentage of profits in order to perpetuate their cause, but let's acknowledge that America is not a white-Anglo-conservative closed system, rather it's a country that was the original moral authority as a model for freedom despite race, color and creed.

Christopher Hitchens Meet God's Wrath

2010-07-09T13:26:00.010-05:00

Christopher Hitchens, author of "Why God Is Not Great" and most notably known for his unrepentant anti-religious views, has rather unsurprisingly developed esophageal cancer. After years of blasphemy toward, well, all faith ideologies, it's apparent that the God of Christ - or perhaps Allah, or maybe the Jewish Yahweh or Vishnu or Krishna or Nirankar or Buddha, oh and let's not forget conman turned deity Joseph Smith - has smote a group of Mr. Hitchens' esophageal cells with uncontrolled cell division.

Experts are not yet sure which one of these deities was responsible, but the consensus is that it was a group decision most likely taken place at a restaurant known as The Golden Coral, famous for its Divine trough for lower class individuals of greater mass. An unconfirmed report noted that Jesus, being a poor, dirty, whore-fucker (Mary Magdalene) who also enjoys babyback ribs, threw a temper tantrum until his Father, being the most powerful deity, chose the trough.

Time passed not until our compassionate, humble leaders came out of the pew-work and noted that Mr. Hitchen's cancer is the obvious result of his repeated blasphemy and will end in his deathbed conversion. Writer for the online Star Ledger, George Berkin, is quoted as saying,

"It would be a huge blow to Hitchens' ego (as it is to any ego) to admit that he's been wrong these many years. But Hitchens' rebellion against God has been so public that God may require a very public humbling.

But maybe God is doing it this way because he desires that Hitchens give up his "god," that is, Hitchens' pride in being different from the run-of-the-mill mortal. Maybe God is doing it this way so that Hitchens can encounter the God he has been denying for so long, before eternity sets in."

Berkin, being the good Christian he is, also asks all believers to pray for Mr. Hitchens despite his deserved diagnosis. At first I did not understand why we should spend time with this hell-bound mole, but it makes sense after reviewing double-blind studies of prayer in medicine that conclude prayer is no more useful than a placebo effect and actually, if people know that many believers are praying for them, they tend to fair much worse due to an anxiety to get better. Therefore, Hitchens won't get better (pheww!). (Need us not forget that people of faith tend to reference science when it helps our cause, but reject it in defense of God's Will when evidence hurts our ideology).

My fiancée, a rather ignorantly boorish woman with whom I have dominion over, has a scientific (psshh) graduate degree from a non sanctioned (by God) University. She is employed as an Ear, Nose and Throat (ENT) Physician's Assistant and claims she is inundated with empirical evidence indicating that Mr. Hitchens' cancer was not a result of super-natural punishment. HA! Yeah right.

I have looked at this so-called evidence that has been published in countless peer-reviewed medical journals, textbooks, media programs and while the evidence 'appears' to be valid and while there 'is' a consensus of my fiancée's claim with the same people who have developed what is known as Western Medicine (psshh again), we all know God's Will is not evidential, but based on the Virtue of Faith: Belief in something in spite of all evidence to the contrary and an unwillingness to change our minds even if it makes us look like ignorant stubborn-headed Christards. Let us not forget these are the same people who insist on sticking fingers up Men's butts in order to supposedly "check" the prostate. Need we forget that homosexuals should not be trusted and will burn in hell for their sins?

Rationalists, people of 'reason' and nonbelievers have already begun claiming that even if Mr. Hitchens does have a deathbed conversion, it has no relevance on the validity of their absurd claims that there is no God, or at least the violent megalomeniacal jealous and ignorant God of Abrahamic religions. Remember, people of reason are EVIL! Reason undermines our faith-based belief system and will result in a world where our children will go to Sunday Science School and learn to look at the world objectively and will solve humanity's problems - Divine tests purposely sent down by God - which will lead to better quality of life for everyone. I say, why would we want gays and Mexicans to have a better life?

In the end, my fiancee continues to blasphemously claim that Mr. Hitchens' cancer is the result of years of abuse represented in the images below. What horrible Reason:

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

2010-06-30T19:55:00.001-05:00

Alien Penis to Planetary Intercourse: Is it Sodomy?

2010-06-23T16:55:00.004-05:00

HOW THE TEXAS GOP THINK BLOW J'S ARE DIRTY AND ARE ACTUALLY ALL CLOSET HOMOGAYS SO THEY WANT TO RUIN IT FOR THE REST OF US:

(Please reference this story in previously linked article pertaining to the Texas GOP attempting to recriminlize sodomy and make homosexuality a felony in new platform).

Let me state for the record that sex without sodomy (e.g. oral sex, anal sex, ear or nose sex, basically any non-genital to genital contact) is like fishing… sober. Sex without sodomy is like non-alcoholic beer. Sex without sodomy is like eating a black-bean burger. Sex without sodomy is like baked, not fried Buffalo wings. Actually sex without sodomy is like baked, not fried anything. Sex without sodomy is like being in Wrigley bleachers and not drinking Old Style. Sex without sodomy is like basing your worldview on ancient creation stories purple-monkey-dishwashered down from generation to generation.

The “platform” is outlined with ten main principles that are woven within more hypocrisies and naiveties than bullet points. “We believe in: the sanctity of human life, created in the image of God; having an educated population; a free enterprise society unencumbered by government interference or subsidies,” to quote a few.

I’m not quite sure how having an educated population equates to the abolishment of mandatory schooling for children and not having even a rudimentary understanding of scientific methodology and its inherent motivations – based on historical evidence, it’s not an effective practice to attribute all unknown phenomena to divine intervention.

Without government subsidies, not only would the private Texas farmer go out of business, but without regulation such as Sherman (Anti) Trust, we could all likely work for a handful of giant corporations in what would be the ultimate plutarchy. While at it, why don’t we remove subsidies from gasoline as this is government intervention? I have no problem riding my bike or paying more for gasoline if that means a paradigm shift to a more energy efficient and independent culture. However, it’s highly likely that if this happened, the Texas GOP would somehow use the unsubsidized, higher gas prices to blame the government in its predictable charlatanic fashion.

The points that really grab my attention though are 1) Strict adherence to the Declaration of Independence and U.S. and Texas Constitutions, and 10) Restoring American sovereignty and leadership, and we honor all of those that serve and protect our freedom with peace through strength.

It’s not an accident that strict adherence to the Declaration of Independence (DOI) – a document that has no legal standing – is mentioned before the U.S. Constitution. While the DOI is an honorable mission statement with respect to human rights, the only reason they hold it in such high regard is because it is their only connection – albeit erroneous – between the U.S. and their dogmatic ideology. First, the DOI refers to the “Divine Providence,” “Creator” and “Nature’s God,” all terms that reflect the majority of founders’ deistic views. Again, for the evidence-impaired, objective historical analysis tells us that most founders were at the most, deistic, which is the belief that a supreme being kick-started the universe, but has absolutely no interference therein. While some of the founders attended church as cultural status, a few of the more insignificant founders were Christians, but most were private agnostics and atheists while many were openly critical of theism.

Here are just a few quotes to corroborate my claim:
Thomas Jefferson:
“(the God of Moses is), of terrific character – cruel, vindictive, capricious and unust.”

“Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. Ideas must be distinct before reason can act upon them; and no man ever had a distinct idea of the trinity.”

“Christianity is the most perverted system ever shone on man.”

“Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear.”

Benjamin Franklin:
“Lighthouses are more useful than churches.”

James Madison:
“During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity; in both, superstition, bigotry and persecution.

Let’s not forget the treaty with Tripoli drafted in 1796 by George Washington and signed by John Adams in 1797 that states, “As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion.”

Even if the term “Creator” was in some sense a literal interpretation, in no way does it specify a “Christian Creator.” In fact, I’d be willing to bet the writers of the DOI were referring to a monstrous extra-terrestrial ejaculation on what we now call Earth that created us in the well-known theory of Panspermia; a cosmic facial of universal proportions, if you will. In fact, the only reason the Texas GOP does not welcome Panspermia with open arms is because it’s considered sodomy – alien penis to planetary intercourse, not alien penis to alien vagina intercourse.

First, let me explain the Texas GOP’s closet gay infatuation with sodomy. It all began with a biblical reference to Sodom and Gomorrah in the book of Genesis and the story of Lot, an upstanding citizen who houses two angels – who have the appearance of men – to protect them against a mob of men. The mob of men want to “know” the two men in the house (i.e. rape them) and Lot in his compassion offers up his two virgin daughters instead, “bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes.” Eventually the mob is blinded and God, in his infinite wisdom and loving kindness, annihilates Sodom along with all innocent bystanders, in a rain of sulfur and fire. From this account, the Texas GOP does not want you to have oral or anal sex. Bummer.

Jude reiterates this account in the New Testament, “just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding cities, which likewise indulged in sexual immorality and pursued unnatural desire, serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal fire.” In other words, if you have anal, you’re going to burn, right? Wrong! The phrases in the English version of the bible that use the above terms, “sexual immorality” and “unnatural desire” were incorrect translations that should have read, “strange flesh.” Most biblical scholars believe the story of Sodom was not referring to consensual sex, but either rape or a desire to have sex, possibly with angels.

Let’s review: The Texas GOP is basing public policy on millenia-old, misinterpreted stories about a mob of men who wanted to rape angels. Do we really want to go back to this level of thinking? Or let me rephrase: Can we once and for all divest ourselves of this ignorance? Most people say, “Even though I am a Christian I’m not as radical as the Texas GOP.” Unfortunately, many of my friends and family, people who I love dearly, still think Jesus was born of a virgin. Instead of taking this indoctrination at face value, I have actually done some research and found that the English version of the bible translated “virgin” from the Greek word for virgin, “parthenos,” which was MISTRANSLATED from the Hebrew (first biblical language) word “almah,” meaning YOUNG WOMAN! Even if Jebus existed and divinity aside, he was born of a young woman according to the original version of the Bible.

The Texas GOP also states, “We believe that the practice of homosexuality tears at the fabric of society, contributes to the breakdown of the family unit, and leads to the spread of dangerous, communicable diseases. Homosexual behavior is contrary to the fundamental, unchanging truths that have been ordained by God, recognized by our country’s founders, and shared by the majority of Texans.” Not to mention the over 50% divorce rate in the U.S., which I’m sure they’ll blame on gays; not to mention the reference to “…ordained by God, recognized by our country’s founders,” which was completely and accurately refuted by what little evidence I provided in the above essayic ramblings; not to mention there is not one credible peer-reviewed study showing any evidence connecting the decline of the nuclear family and homosexuality: But we’re still on the gay issue?! I’m getting tired so I am only going to say this, countless studies in The American Psychological Association, American Psychiatric Association, and National Association of Social Workers illustrate that the vast majority of homosexual adults were raised by heterosexual parents and the vast majority of children raised by lesbian and gay parents eventually grow up to be heterosexual. Way to turn your kids gay, supposed straight Texas GOP representatives.

Let me finish by briefly touching on the concept of freedom, which is referenced in bullet point ten. I have two complaints about the people who preach about freedom – or lack thereof – due to government “overreach.”

1) These people preach, “Freedom! Freedom!” unless of course it contradicts their dogmatic, dark-age view of humanity.

2) These people – libertarians, Christian conservatives, etc – don’t understand nonlinear dynamics. They don’t understand that the freedom of an industry in a deregulated market is the oppression of those who get sick or die due to unethical waste disposal practices or work conditions. They don’t understand that the freedom for a multi-national conglomerate monopoly is the oppression of a small business start up as well as the oppression of a consumer due to price-fixing. They don’t understand how the freedom of insurance companies to drop customers to save money is the oppression of the sick who desperately need the health insurance they purchased. They don’t understand that you can’t have an omniscient and omnipotent (pronounced Omni – pōtent) God and have freewill.

The Texas GOP and their ilk are unable to comprehend how one person’s freedom is another person’s oppression; their platform is a throwback to an totalitarian dogmatic theocracy and a very slippery-slope to a modern day Inquisition.

The Barbarians... A Dialogue: Response to Brain

2010-06-16T22:36:00.003-05:00

Well it's important to identify the distinct dangers between the two groups. Through empirical evidence we can safely conclude that the group currently containing the most extremists is Islam. (Extremists being those who not only foster fundamental and violent views, but are also willing to bridge the gap between those views and action, as opposed to people who, for example, believe homosexuals should die, but are unwilling to kill them).

I completely agree with you that the acute danger comes from the likely chance - and continual willingness - that Muslim extremists will carry out an extremely destructive, relatively isolated one-off attack. However, for someone like Hedges who has probably been completely desensitized to the violence of war and of terrorist attacks, the fear the rest of us have in the back of our minds no longer lingers in his, which allows him to see perhaps the most destructive danger facing the United States.

Think about it: Chicago gets nuked, the economy crashes, we go Hulk on all countries harboring Muslim extremists, we start back with our lives (well those who weren’t within 100 square miles of the city), the economy comes back up, life goes on and the U.S. survives.

Now what could completely destroy the U.S. as we know it? The danger, as Hedges understands, lies with the connection of Christian iconography with American nationalism; a U.S. Christian Theocracy, or some form thereof. As much grief as Obama gets from both sides* for trying to mitigate multiple cluster fucks, it’s not entirely out of the realm of possibility that someone like Palin or Huckabee get elected in 2012.

[*That’s a big difference between conservatives and progressives, the former, who is pretty use to making decisions based on little evidence, rarely questions or criticizes authority of the same “party,” yet, the latter will shoot themselves in the foot because they are typically of the more rational persuasion and will criticize and hold leaders of their “party” to the fire until Jebus comes back with a bunch on those horses. ]

It’s bad enough that during one of the Republican debates when the panel was asked if they rejected evolution, three of the candidates raised their hands and they all agreed that intelligent design (creationism) should be taught alongside evolution. I listed just two quotes, but there are countless quotes that just reek of ignorance, intolerance and an unwillingness to learn facts.

These are the same people who think that the U.S. was founded as a Christian nation even though there is not a single word of relation in the constitution and while some of the framers were relatively fundamental, most at best were deists and according to historical consensus, the majority were cultural Christians while holding agnostic or atheist views (even though agnosticism is being an atheist). These are the same people who waste more moral time and energy on the rights of a 150-cell blastocyst while refusing to promote technology that could relieve the suffering for billions of actual HUMANS. These are the same people who have been responsible for the very real stagnation of scientific and moral progress as a result of their dogma. These are the people who think the burden of proof is on us and claim WE are the intolerant, dogmatic, arrogant ones even though THEY are the ones that claim their “book” is so profound that it was written under the direction of an omnipotent and omniscient super-being, even though WE are just simply the ones who have considered their claims, have read their books and have made the rational deduction that their claims are absurd.
When you divest yourself of the acute fear Muslim extremism brings, you can clearly see what we should be worried about and continue to fight.

PS: There are 20-500 million sperm cells per milliliter per 2-6 milliliters per ejaculation. Jesus Christ, how many living cells (ie, potential human beings) have I destroyed with just my involuntary ejaculations (ie, nocturnal emissions, monthly through my urine due to natural production and renewal of sperm cells), not to mention my voluntary ejaculations?! The simple answer is trillions and trillions of potential human beings have been put to death through natural processes that I cannot control. Since I am made in God’s image and I have murdered trillions to the power of trillion potential human beings… well… God must be a dick (no pun intended).

The Barbarians Are Coming!

2010-06-10T09:32:00.002-05:00

Chris Hedges - despite his overused pessimism, likely the result of years as a war correspondent in some of the most violent zones in recent history - is one of the most prolific reality clarifying writers of our time. In his article, The Christian Fascists Are Growing Stronger, Hedges quickly states, "...the Christian right, have begun to dismantle the intellectual and scientific rigor of the Enlightenment." Perhaps the most frightening revelation is that Hedges believes the Christian right believe “Global war, even nuclear war, is not to be feared, but welcomed as the harbinger of the Second Coming.”

This is nothing new to people who follow these ignorant ramblings, but it makes it none less inevitably horrifying when potential conservative candidates such as Sarah Palin is quoted as saying, "God made dinosaurs 4,000 years ago as ultimately flawed creatures, lizards of Satan really, so when they died and became petroleum products we, made in his perfect image, could use them in our pickup trucks, snow machines and fishing boats,” and Mike Huckabee is quoted as saying the earth is only 6,000 years old.”

Hedges briefly mentions the “rewriting of textbooks,” referring to recent amendments in Texas social studies curriculum. For those of you who are not privy to this very public information, these changes include, but are not limited to:

-The removal and/or downplay of Thomas Jefferson’s role in our founding due to his secularist philosophies.

-Questioning the separation of church and state.

-Claiming the U.S. was infiltrated by communists during the Cold War and giving credit to Joseph McCarthy for his infamous “witch-hunts.”

He concludes this thought with a spot-on observation that,“Facts and opinions, once they are used “scientifically” to support the irrational, become interchangeable. Reality is no longer based on the gathering of facts and evidence. It is based on ideology. Facts are altered. Lies become true.”

The scientific method, which I would define as developing results (making conclusions) through repeated experimental observation (emprical evidence), reporting methods and conclusions in peer-reviewed journals, allowing other scientists to repeat these methods to come up with new results and if these methods are repeated enough and consistent results are maintained whilst holding to the rigors of peer-review, then a consensus is developed (Long sentence, poor grammar. Get off my back. This is science not english). That is science. There are no absolutes in science, only statistical likelihood. For instance, experiments with gravity have yielded consistent results since Newton’s day that says the statistical likelihood that the gravitational constant is approximately 9.8 m/s^2 are pretty good. However, the beauty of science is that this “theory of gravity” – while the whole of it remains intact – has and will continue change as new empirical evidence is produced through the scientific method. With this we know that gravity is weaker at lower latitudes and higher altitudes and etc, etc, etc.

The theory of evolution is analogous to the above. Through the scientific method we have determined the accuracy of isotopic dating, illustrated the evolution of the eye and have identified natural selection as the primary mechanism of evolution, which is NOT survival of the fittest, but the process by which certain genetic traits that favor survival our passed down through successive generations. Yet as Hedges correctly cites, “The Christian right has, for this reason, its own creationist “scientists” who use the language of science to promote anti-science.” He goes on to say, “Once creationists can argue on the same platform as geologists, asserting that the Grand Canyon was not created 6 billion years ago but 6,000 years ago by the great flood that lifted up Noah’s ark, we have lost. The acceptance of mythology as a legitimate alternative to reality is a body blow to the rational, secular state. The destruction of rational and empirically based belief systems is fundamental to the creation of all totalitarian ideologies.”

I have so many beloved friends, families and professional acquaintances that consider themselves religious moderates. These people typically hold one of three views:

1) I don’t want to get involved. Ignorance is bliss.
2) I don’t have time or don’t want to take the effort to educate myself.
3) Unfortunately I shape my world view around my ideology beginning with conclusions, then searching out evidence, which is the inverse of scientific method.

It is this last world view that is by far the most frustrating, but all three are detrimental to our species. There is a great quote from Boondock Saints where the priest says, “Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men.” Most of my friends and family are genuinely good people, but as the priest says, stop being evil, get off your ass and fucking educate yourselves so we don’t get literally and figuratively ass-raped by the impending wave of barbaric theocrats because as Hedges says, “They are coming.”

I do have one criticism of the article, however, which is the false equivalency Hedges draws by grouping Jews and Muslims in what the Christian right is attempting to eradicate, along with the other "social deviants": homosexuals, immigrants, secular humanists and feminists. Obviously Hedges is attempting to provide examples for the intolerance of the Christian right; I just hate to see the "Chosen People" and "a group that calls for the extermination of anyone who does not follow Islam (see the Qur'an)," two groups of people that make conscious decisions to follow immoral, violent Abrahamic doctrines, with people that were born with a sexuality they could not choose, people seeking a $5/day job in order to feed their families, people who refuse to base decisions on ignorance, or faith, and people who attempt to seek equal treatment and opportunities as their male counterpart. (As an aside, there is a very proven inverse relationship with the empowerment of woman and population growth. Hmm... )

Regardless, this is another gift from a man who has devoted his life to intellectual enlightenment, despite his seemingly sexual fetish for war zones.

Islam a peaceful religion?

2010-05-27T16:16:00.006-05:00

For those who occasionally stomach my crappy and sporadic blog posts, but don't have facebook, their was a brief discussion about the appropriateness of a mosque being constructed near the ruins of the World Trade Center. I urge everyone to participate in this dialogue as it is vital to our moral progress.

**DISCLAIMER** MORAL PROGRESS: It is good to give someone a hug. It is NOT good to behead someone based on your "supernaturally" derived doctrinal directives. Alliteration is good. It is NOT good to worship a violent doctrine, but call yourself a peaceful religion.

Below is a transcript of the online discussion started by the Artificial Intelligent simply known as, "Brain." But first, here is a picture that proves we can all get along:

In order of intelligence: oh shit.. um.. don't think I can categorize these guys by intelligence. From left to right: Joseph Smith, Buddha, Jebus and Muhammad. (Note how they are all getting along).

--------------------------------------------------------------

Brain:

A mosque 600 ft from Ground Zero, are you fucking kidding me?? BRB...I'm going to go erect a Hooters next to the Dome of the Rock, I'm sure the Islamic faithful will have no problem with that.

Girl:

We shouldn't punish a whole religion of people because the actions of a very small group of people. It's like the man who attacked me on the el telling me I had no right to be in America because my people bombed Pearl Harbor (ha moron, I'm Koean - but that is besides the point) and the man who attacked me on the steet yelling "you killed my uncle ... See Morein Korea!!!!!" I would hope that I there will come a time that I and everyone else in the world is no longer judged simply by their race/religion or the actions of a few crazies (example for white people: the KKK).

Brain:

I have no sympathy for the followers of a religion that preaches the destruction of everything we hold dear.

Islam is NOT a religion of peace, their prophet was a militant who killed over 3,000 people.

Just a few "peaceful" passages from the Quran below... tell me you want the followers of this religion anywhere in our country, let alone Ground Zero.

Quran 4:89: "They (infidels) desire that you should disbelieve as they have disbelieved, so that you might be (all) alike; therefore take not from among them friends until they fly (their homes) in Allah's way; but if they turn back, then seize them and kill them wherever you find them, and take not from among them a friend or a helper."

Quran 8:12: "Instill terror into the hearts of the unbelievers;"

Quran 2:191: "... kill the disbelievers wherever we find them …"

Quran 22:19-22: "… for them (the unbelievers) garments of fire shall be cut and there shall be poured over their heads boiling water whereby whatever is in their bowels and skin shall be dissolved and they will be punished with hooked iron rods."

Quran 8:12: "Your Lord inspired the angels with the message: 'I will terrorize the unbelievers. Therefore smite them on their necks and every joint and incapacitate them. Strike off their heads and cut off each of their fingers and toes.'"

Quran 8:7: "Allah wished to confirm the truth by His words: 'Wipe the infidels out to the last.'" Quran 8:59: "The infidels should not think that they can get away from us. Prepare against them whatever arms and weaponry you can muster so that you may terrorize them. They are your enemy and Allah's enemy."

Quran 8:60: "Prepare against them whatever arms and cavalry you can muster that you may strike terror in the enemies of Allah, and others besides them not known to you."

Quran 9.29" "Fight those who do not believe in Allah, nor in the latter day, nor do they prohibit what Allah and His Apostle have prohibited, nor follow the religion of truth, out of those who have been given the Book, until they pay the tax in acknowledgment of superiority and they are in a state of subjection."

Quran 47:4: "Strike off the heads of the disbelievers" and, after making a "wide slaughter among them, carefully tie up the remaining captives."

Hadith Sahih Muslim (41:6985): "Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: 'The last hour would not come unless the Muslims will fight against the Jews and the Muslims would kill them until the Jews would hide themselves behind a stone or a tree and a stone or a tree would say: Muslim, the servant of Allah, there is a Jew behind me; come and kill him; but the tree Gharqad would not say, for it is the tree of the Jews.'"

Quran 9:5: "When the sacred forbidden months for fighting are past, fight and kill the disbelievers wherever you find them, take them captive, torture them, and lie in wait and ambush them using every stratagem of war."

Sura 3:151: "Soon shall We cast terror into the hearts of the unbelievers for that they joined companions with Allah for which He had sent no authority: their abode will be the fire; and evil is the home of the wrong-doers!"

Sura 8:60: "Against them make ready your strength to the utmost of your power including steeds of war to strike terror into (the hearts of) the enemies of Allah and your enemies and others besides whom ye may not know but whom Allah doth know. Whatever ye shall spend in the cause of Allah shall be repaid unto you and ye shall not be treated unjustly." Tabari IX:113: "Allah permits you to shut them (women) in separate rooms and to beat them, but not severely. If they abstain, they have the right to food and clothing. Treat women well for they are like domestic animals and they possess nothing themselves. Allah has made the enjoyment of their bodies lawful in his Quran."

Tabari I:280: "Allah said, 'It is My obligation to make Eve bleed once every month as she made this tree bleed. I must also make Eve stupid, although I created her intelligent.' Because Allah afflicted Eve, all of the women of this world menstruate and are stupid."

Ishaq:327: "Allah said, 'A prophet must slaughter before collecting captives. A slaughtered enemy is driven from the land. Muhammad, you craved the desires of this world, its goods and the ransom captives would bring. But Allah desires killing them to manifest the religion."

Girl:

Everyone knows I'm not a fan of any organized religion in general. I just believe in respecting humanity. I could paste the whole bible, any bible, here and it would be filled with all kinds of nonsense that is good for no one. I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. :) Have a fantastic weekend! Can't wait to see the kitties at Kims!

Me:

Anyone who says or thinks Islam is a peaceful religion is patently ignorant and so pumped with "tolerance" that they rob themselves of any and all intellectual credibility.

For those who claim they are peaceful Muslims and Islam is a peaceful religion, they 1) are bad followers of their own religion as you can tell from the aforementioned ... See Morepassages 2) need to omit those passages and print new doctrinal hardcopies, which really just voids their current religion and creates a whole new mythology and 3) need to come out and speak LOUD against the violent rhetoric and horrific murders being carried out all over the world against all "non-believers" (which they aren't doing.. and if they are.. it's not LOUD enough).

You can be a compassionate progressive, such as ourselves, without giving violent mythologies a free-pass from any type of justified critiques. Even Christianity, in terms of a doctrine, is arguably just as violent as Islam, and for those of you who disagree, in my next post I will repeat all of the lovely passages that advocate genocide, gang-rape of minors, slavery, intolerance, etc etc etc. Just because most Christians don't preach violence doesn't mean they once did not do this, as history dictates. Christianity is just an older religion and fortunately the brightness of reason has cut through and diminished that violence and ignorance over the centuries. It's tragic how people somehow derive THEIR moral authority from these writings.

Erecting a mosque next to the site where 3,000 civilians were killed in the name of Allah and preaching the same violent doctrine the 19 hijackers used to justify this genocide... well in OUR world we protect this type of behavior because that is the civilized, moral action that we concluded through millenia of trial and error through evolution... but next time I'm in the area, don't be surprised if I eat a bunch of greasy Sbarro and take a steaming hot shit on top of your new shiny mosque.

Girl:

There were millions of people killed during th Christian Crusades in the name of Christianity and millions before and after including specific events towards Jews, Heretics, Native Americans, Africans, the Vietnamese, and the list goes on and on. These actions were done by everyday Christians in the name of "god", not even close to the radical muslims involved in the twin towers tragedy. You don't see anyone attacking churches, do you? Oh wait, yeah, the KKK burns them cuz the church happens to be filled with black people. If we judged whole groups of people by the actions of a few - we would live in a pretty intolerant world with very few of the freedoms that we all enjoy - espeically this crazy freedom of speech thing.

Me:

"These actions were done by everyday Christians in the name of "god", not even close to the radical muslims involved in the twin towers tragedy."

So you're saying there is a false equivalency with christian and islamic violence? I'm sure quantifiably they are different, but analogously they are the exact same in terms of violence. I completely ... See Moreagree that there are a few "bad apples" in a world full of relatively peaceful muslims. When I was in Iran most people I came across were either cultural muslims or at least "public" muslims in order not to risk indefinite detainment without habeous corpus. Now these people were mostly educated, but my point is that if you look at the current islamic theocracies or pseudo-theocracies such as iran, saudi arabia, afghanistan, jordan, bahrain, etc., you will see a very concrete causatory relationship with violence (particularly against woman) and islam.

We should never judge a whole group by just a few, that is obviously the sign of an advanced, civilized species; however, when the vast majority of a peaceful group bases their life around a violent doctrine and doesn't come out and LOUDLY, publicly decry the violence of their few, they are doing a disservice to themselves and insulting the rest of us.

As a quasi-pacifist I never advocate violence or even the defacing (with feces) really anything. My comment about the sbarro-induced flaming poo was merely a facetious parallel to highlight the incongruities of constructing a mosque based on a violent doctrine next to the 9/11 site. Freedom (reasonable freedoms not unrealistic childish libertarian freedoms) is the most important aspect of our country, but a little compassion is prudent occasionally as well. Until I see these mosque leaders hold multiple press conferences, advertisements, release statements decrying violence toward anyone in the name of islam, even against satirists who draw muhammad, I will continue to view this situation as insulting and absurd.

My point was that from a doctrinal standpoint, both islam and christianity are incredibly violent religions; this is indisputable.

Boy:

This is why religion is evil

Girl:

exactly!

Brain:

I'm sure there's plenty of "peaceful" Muslims out there, cherry-picking what parts of the Quran they're going to adhere to and ignoring that part about killing the infidels, but are they even Muslim in the first place?

As Jake pointed out, when you remove certain parts of the holy text you create an entirely new mythology all together. I've ... See Morealways found it strange to refer to suicide bombers and their ilk as "radical" or "extreme." I think a much more accurate description would be PRACTICING MUSLIMS.

No matter how you try to defend these "peaceful" Muslims, the fact remains that their instruction manual for life, the Quran, basically beats you over the head with the mantra, "KILL THE NON-BELIEVERS." I'd like to believe that most humans would realize that killing someone because they don't believe in your deity is completely fucking stupid, unfortunately, this is not the case. Christianity's been around longer than Islam and, for the most part, Christians have stopped murdering non-believers (even though the Bible instructs them to do so). I can only hope that in another 700 years, Muslims will do the same.

Until then, Islam remains very dangerous and every mosque that pops up only causes their numbers to swell and unfortunately for us, there's no disclaimer in the Quran that reads: "Just ignore all that stuff about beheading infidels, spreading fear, owning slaves and degrading women."

Me:

I'm going to assume since no one else is chiming in here everyone on facebook agrees with Jakemon and Brainba. Come on... won't someone continue the debate...?!

PEACEANDLOVEPEACEANDLOVEPEACEANDLOVEPEACEANDLOVEPEACEANDLOVEPEACEANDLOVEPEACEANDLOVEPEACEANDLOVEPEACEANDLOVEPEACEANDLOVEPEACEANDLOVEPEACEANDLOVEPEACEANDLOVEPEACEANDLOVE
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Daily Thoughts

2010-05-22T12:24:00.000-05:00

The Duggar Mom's "plumbing" has got to be absolutely destroyed. Maybe they have raised some good kids (despite being crazy jebus freaks), but seriously, save some air for the rest of us. Did you know they declared their house a freakin church and are tax exempt now? For someone who is an ardent supporter of zero-population growth and who thinks that just because you pray to "zeus" doesn't mean you shouldn't have to pay taxes, watching this show is like listening to nails on a chalkboard all the while seeing our president placate conservatives and libertarians by doing shit in mitigating the worst environmental disaster the U.S. has ever experienced.

You know, libertarians, the people who rail against such institutions as the EPA until THEIR child develops brain tumors or leukemia because of some companies reckless waste disposal practices and they have to watch THEIR child die a slow tortured death. On a lighter note, our friend Javi is making a Mexican feast the likes of haven't been seen since good'ol Rob Rum's fiesta days. You can't beat ethnic food, high life and Sahartsock on a beautiful Chicago afternoon.

PS: Libertarians and Theocrats eat poop.

Exploiting fat kid... Childhood obesity is hilarious

2010-03-27T10:33:00.000-05:00

Hey Jude

2010-03-27T10:29:00.001-05:00

Fighting semantic misinformation with polls that make me embarrassed to share a country with these people:

2010-03-25T15:19:00.003-05:00

CNN published the results of one of their recent polls last Friday with the conclusion that 39% of Americans favor the current health care legislation and a WHOPPING 59% of Americans oppose it. As soon as the results were released, Republicans and conservatives jumped ALL OVER this with spastic heaving from their their speak-for-exvery-American pedestal that continued to reiterate how "The vast majority of Americans despise this bill," ie: "3/5ths of America does not like where the country is headed," ie: "3/5ths of Americans believe this is a conservative country," ie: "Masturbating is wrong and will lead to sex with degenerate black voodoo hookers."

I responded to this issue on a friend's facebook page with the following retort:

"I don’t think we should underestimate the significance of the mischaracterization of this poll. As soon as CNN released the results, every Republican/conservative that was interviewed cited, “59% of American’s oppose this government/totalitarian/socialist (I even heard dystopian) takeover of our healthcare system.” A little more research and we discover that Republicans are doing what they do best: Strengthening the Pavlovian conditioning of their base through their typical semantic misinformation. If you value personal responsibility and contain a twinkle of critical thinking skills, you see that according to the CNN poll 52% of Americans favor the bill and/or oppose it because they think it’s not progressive enough and 46% flat out oppose the bill.

Republicans are great at aversion-therapy: Democrats=don’t care about your safety. Democrats=Socialists=Soviet Russia. Obama=soft on terror. Healthcare Bill (HB)=govn’t takeover. HB=death panel. HB=loss of civil liberty. HB=YOU WILL DIE. Progressive=piss on the constitution while wiping your ass with the American flag. It’s no wonder that once pragmatic conservatives are now speaking about revolution and independent minded liberals are second-guessing themselves. Logical fallacy-based arguments laced with fear, that’s their platform.

PS: I think it’s hilariously tragic how every Republican thinks they speak for all Americans and even funnier, God (or their god rather). ... "

[Update: Hell even I disagree with the current legislation. I don't think we can have comprehensive reform of both health-care coverage and in terms of longterm economics without a single payer system. I still think this is better than nothing though]

And now, Harris has just released these poll results indicating that Republicans believe that Obama:

-Is a socialist (67%) Response: Yeah he's a socialist all right.. a reverse socialist. Usually socialists give money to the people, not corrupt financial institutions. If anything, he's a corporatist.

-Wants to take away Americans’ right to own guns (61%) Response: Not only has Obama not done anything to take away guns, he's fucking loosened gun laws: We can now take guns into national parks and on Amtrak. He also hasn't publicly said anything about the brilliant idea of some states to allow guns in bars. I mean that only makes sense.

-Is a Muslim (57%) Response: Why is being a Muslim any worse than being a Christian. They both believe millenia old writings with well documented and clear contradictions, hypocrisies and paradoxes, violent and reprehensible (by our current definitions of morality) devine interventions and delcarations, not to mention many revisions, and at the crux of both is a belief in something with little or no evidence. Makes sense to me.

-Wants to turn over the sovereignty of the United States to a one world government (51%) Response: Even if this were the case it's not in any REALM OF POSSIBILITY. This is less plausible than my budding porn career. I think the Law of Conservation of Mass says that "I must be THIS ----------> LARGE to enter the ride"

-Has done many things that are unconstitutional (55%). Response: Um.. you only have arguably the most conservative (majority) (and corporatist) supreme court of all time. Stop fucking complaining and bring your cases...

-Resents America’s heritage (47%) Response: Sorry to break it to a lot of you a-empathetic whites, but the people we stole from Africa, the families we split up, the young woman we raped and the people we tortured, killed and treated like a commodity, yeah those were black people and the we who did that was America. Even those "Founding Fathers" - that many of you think you (inaccurately) speak for and guiltily masturbate to followed by ashamed self-flagellation - had black slaves. I guarantee Obama is not 100% proud of America's heritage. I'm not 100% proud of America's heritage. That's the difference between us and you. You are nationalists. You believe no matter what your country does, it is correct and morally relevant. We are patriots. We recognize past mistakes and question the norm to make the country better for everyone.

-Does what Wall Street and the bankers tell him to do (40%) Response: Yup exactly. Even though Obama's proposed "Bank Tax" which would have given the tax payers some of their money back with interest was struck down by Republicans.

-Was not born in the United States and so is not eligible to be president (45%) Response: Ugh...

-Is the “domestic enemy that the U.S. Constitution speaks of” (45%) Response: Ugh.. and the anti-christ.. getting tired...

-Is a racist (42%) Response: Against whom?! Obama is half black and half white. If he's a racist he's a self-hating black man.. no.. I mean he's a self-hating white man.. no black... ugh.. so tired.

-Want to use an economic collapse or terrorist attack as an excuse to take dictatorial powers (41%) Response: Hmm.. 9/11:Iraq:the suspensions of habeus corpus with the patriot act:the most civil rights divesting legislation ever... That WAS Obama who did that.. right?

-Is doing many of the things that Hitler did (38%). Response: Like breathes in a mixture of 78% Nitrogen/21% Oxygen/1% other gasses to stay alive? Like take shits? Like gets from point A to point B using an upright bipedal movement?

---------------------------------------

Here's an even more clarifying follow-up by Harris that separates differences between those with no college education and those with a post-graduate degree:

-He is a socialist (45% and 20%)
-He wants to take away Americans’ right to own guns (45% and 19%)
-He is a Muslim (43% and 9%)
-He was not born in the United States so is not eligible to be president (32% and 7%)
-He is a racist (28% and 9%)
-He is anti-American (27% and 9%)
-He is doing many of the things Hitler did (24% and 10%).

Disagree on philosophy all you want.. but start believing in bullshit with no evidence.. sounds like Christian or Muslim thinking. FUCK, people.. read an objective scientific or law book written in the last hundred years. Learn some critical thinking skills... ANY critical thinking skills. I'm embarrassed for you people and embarrassed for myself by national and geographic proxy.

This is the same old shit: "Protesters rail against "socialistic government takeover of healthcare" while holding near and dear their medicare and social security cards.

I'm a Farmer, I Like to Grow Meat and Beans.. and Potatoes Too

2010-02-15T19:31:00.002-06:00

Anyone remember the song Informer by some GAWD-awful white geek rapper? Well if not, here is the video, followed by a great Jim Carrey parody from way back in the In Living Color days.. you know.. before he was an anti-vaccination douche.(For those of you who are seeing this on facebook..videos are at disparatethought.blogspot.com).

The Intellectual Elite Paradox

2010-02-09T08:22:00.005-06:00

**DISCLAIMER** Sarah Palin said it was ok to say "fucking retarded" as long as it was confined to satirical use.

"What is so unnerving about the candidacy of Sarah Palin is the degree to which she represents—and her supporters celebrate—the joyful marriage of confidence and ignorance . . . Ask yourself: how has "elitism" become a bad word in American politics? There is simply no other walk of life in which extraordinary talent and rigorous training are denigrated. We want elite pilots to fly our planes, elite troops to undertake our most critical missions, elite athletes to represent us in competition and elite scientists to devote the most productive years of their lives to curing our diseases. And yet, when it comes time to vest people with even greater responsibilities, we consider it a virtue to shun any and all standards of excellence. When it comes to choosing the people whose thoughts and actions will decide the fates of millions, then we suddenly want someone just like us, someone fit to have a beer with, someone down-to-earth—in fact, almost anyone, provided that he or she doesn't seem too intelligent or well educated."

— Sam Harris

There is one gaping difference - rivaling the distance between Bristol Palin's feet after a lesson in the virtues of abstinence - between Fox News and MSNBC. Fox News will undoubtedly, obligatorily, reflexively ALWAYS defend a Republican conservative. There are minimal exceptions to this rule, such as if a Republican senator raped a rich white blond girl (wouldn't matter if she was poor or hispanic), but the vast majority of criticism spewing from that outlet tends to bypass anyone in the conservative movement.

On the other end, MSNBC justifiably criticizes anyone who should be, regardless of party affiliation. Obviously MSNBC is left-leaning relative to FOX News, but the above fact and a refusal too cloak their intellectual capabilities with a blue-collar religiosity, lends them far more journalistic credibility.

It's bad enough that Fox trumpets their female broadcasters with eerily similar physical characteristics as that of a Stepford Wife, but to purposefully dumb yourself down in order to connect more with your viewer is not only outrageously fallacious (*high pitch blonde questioning* "does that mean blowjob? hehe"), but an insult to honest journalism, education, critical thinking and most ironic, to the poor schmucks that continue to eat this shit up.

Take Gretchen Carlson, for instance, who co-hosts Fox and Friends. She routinely theatricizes the looking up of such words as czar and ignoramus. I understand that journalism is part expressing a story by informing a recipient through explanations, but she routinely admits an desperately confounded ignorance before reading a dictionary definition. Gretchen Carlson graduated from fucking Stanford with honors, studied at the shit-hole known as Oxford and is a classically trained violinist. If Gretchen Carlson really doesn't know what czar or ignoramus means, she should either demand a refund or start eating her own cinnamon-flavored feces (*high pitched blonde quesitoning* "Feces, wait, is that baby mice?")

Or we can look at Bill O'Reilly whose viewers "connect" to him because of his broken-record trumpeting of his youth spent in Levittown, Long Island playing little league. Bill O'Reilly has two fucking Master's degrees and one of them is from fucking !!!HARVARD!!! I completely understand that this "persona" is for business purposes in order to draw the figurative moth (ie, ignorant American) to the flame in order to perpetuate his salary (reported in 2008) of $10,000,000/year!!

Even with crazy Sean Hannity, whom I occasionally (well, really never) find myself thinking "Hmm.. maybe he actually does have a point there," completely, intentionally disavows his credibility with brazen diatribes, defenses and well-placed overlookages based on nothing more than a parochial attraction to anything and everyone that is somehow related to the word conservative and/or christian, regardless of the overt misrepresentations that plagues those two "C" words. It's probably not a coincidence that the two most irrational, blatant-lying and outwardly religious broadcasters on Fox lack an advanced degree or any formal education beyond high school. Actually I shouldn't say that; Hannity was awarded an honorary degree by Jerry Falwell, which speaks for itself. Oh, and Beck is a morman, which leads credence to his vast critical thinking ability. Again guys, the story you know as Jesus Christ... um.. do some fucking reading in your own rigid doctrine (that you are actively trying to alter because of your subconscious fear and acknowledgement of the liberal Jebus).. Jesus was a fucking poor socialist. The fact that you take laissez-faire capitalism in the ass more than sexually repressed catholic priests (take little boys) and republican congressman (take man whores), is a sin based on your doctrine. Oh, but your sins are forgiven if you ask for it. Hmm.. here's a nice quote for you non Christians to show you what we're dealing with here:

"But if this charge is true (that she wasn't a virgin on her wedding night), and evidence of the girls virginity is not found, they shall bring the girl to the entrance of her fathers house and there her townsman shall stone her to death, because she committed a crime against Israel by her unchasteness in her father's house. Thus shall you purge the evil from your midst."
(Deuteronomy 22:20-21

That's an entire new can of worms though...

So, we have Gretchen Carlson and O'Reilly who are pitiful excuses for journalists, commentators, intellects, etc. And we have Beck and Hannity who are just fucking crazy people who create their own realities through conjured facts. You know if Fox really wanted to get the independent vote for the Republican party, they would STOP defending Sarah Palin regardless of what ignoramus thing she spouts next (yes i know incorrect usage). Sarah Palin should be as passe as a clean sweep ghost poo (you know, the one wher eyou don't have to wipe cuz there's no residual and it sneaks into the piping before you flush). Instead, she's being touted as the Republican nominee for president in 2012 mainly due to the Palin apologists on Fox.

Recently, Rham Emanuel made a douche bag comment about liberals calling them "fucking retards." When news of this spread to Palin, she got all huffy puffy and responded on her facebook with the insistence of Emanuel's firing for the "atrocity" tha the committed. Well Rush Limbaugh came to the aid of Emanuel with this patronizing defense,

"Our political correct society is acting like some giant insult’s taken place by calling a bunch of people who are retards, retards,” said Limbaugh. What part of “a bunch of people who are retards” is difficult to understand?".. When asked why she didn't criticize Limbaugh for these remarks, Palin retorted with overwhelming logic that,

“They are kooks, so I agree with Rush Limbaugh. Rush Limbaugh was using satire … . I didn’t hear Rush Limbaugh calling a group of people whom he did not agree with ‘f-ing retards,’ and we did know that Rahm Emanuel, as has been reported, did say that. There is a big difference there.”

So moderate democrat Rham really likes far-left liberals decrying the administration for not passing single-payer health coverage? So Rham wasn't using satire, which Gretchen Carlson helped me define as 'the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc?' Sarah Palin, YOU are the fucking retard.

You know this type of head-splitting-when-trying-to-comprehend comment made by Palin has come to be expected. It's when she ejaculates ignorant opinions that have truly frightening implications tha tbother me the most:

“Say (Obama) decided to declare war on Iran or decided really to come out and do whatever he could to support Israel, which I would like him to do.”

How can someone speak so cavalier about a president declaring war (which congress actually does) for the purpose of political gain? Not to overlook the obvious that this bitch is not only fucking crazy and completely empty, but how the hell is declaring another pre-emptive war conservative at all?! It's not, but the misguided conservative apologists will continue their misguided defense of a conservatism regardless of however far their misguided understanding of conservatism actually deviates from the actual definition of conservative.

Stewart v O'Reilly

2010-02-09T07:43:00.002-06:00

I guarantee if this were scored as an Oxford Style Debate, John Stewart would have won in a landslide of epic proportions. Oh, but I'm sure dissenters would revert to their default argument and claim a lack of credibility with liberal, elitist universities (ie. the oxymoron that is liberal fascism). Frankly though, I don't understand why O'Reilly would agree to give a platform to one of the most prolific social satirists of our time.

At one point - I'm paraphrasing - Stewart makes the claim that O'Reilly has become the most reasonable voice at Fox News, which is like being the skinniest kid at fat-camp. In many ways this is very true. If you get rid of Hannity and Beck, two theoctrat anti-government capitalist hypocrites, Fox News becomes much closer to the conservative equivalent of MSNBC.

Stewart's most accurate example of Fox News's misinformation politicization campaign was, ironically enough, edited out of the original aired interview. Here is what they left out:

Stewart: "I'm not saying your mother's a whore. I'm just saying she has sex for money. With people." [F]ox News used to be all about, you don't criticize a president during wartime. It's unacceptable, it's treasonous, it gives aid and comfort to the enemy. All of a sudden, for some reason you can run out there and say, "Barack Obama is destroying the fabric of this country."
--------------------------------
Stewart: But let's go into this. Because all I hear on your network is, this guy is -- it's tyranny, and socialism.

O'Reilly: That's what he believes.

Stewart: So, how is Barack Obama a socialist? As far as I can see, the majority of the billions of dollars he's given, he's given to banks. So if he is a socialist, he's dyslexic! Because when you redistribute the wealth, it's supposed to be going to --

O'Reilly: But he does believe in redistribution of income.

Stewart: Well, he's redistributed it to the banks.

O'Reilly: And that is a socialist tenet -- no, he's redistributing it --

Stewart: He's going up. He's dyslexic! It's supposed to be coming down!

O'Reilly: He -- Look. If you don't know that the Obama administration is redistributing income, then I'm gonna have to haul your program away from you. Get you off the air.

Stewart: Let me ask you: What is different about his redistribution of income and all other presidents -- he wants to raise the marginal tax rate back to where it was during the Clinton era. Was Clinton a socialist?

O'Reilly: He has promoted a variety of programs, OK, that --

Stewart: We already have Medicare, right? We have Medicaid. We have Social Security. Are we a socialist country? Do you want to get rid of those three?

O'Reilly: No.

Stewart: So are we a socialist country?

O'Reilly: But I want to moderate them so we don't go bankrupt.

Stewart: OK, but that's different. Now you're talking about fiscal responsibility.

O'Reilly: In a socialist country, the government pays for all of these entitlements -- the Obama administration is down that path.

Stewart: Who pays for Medicare? Who pays for Medicaid?

O'Reilly: The government pays for it.

Stewart: So now we're socialist.

O'Reilly: But now we're on Medicaid and Medicare with steroids, with the new health care bill. That's steroids!

Stewart: Once again, this is like the old joke. "Would you sleep with me for ten dollars?" "No." "Would you sleep with me for a million?" "OK." So now we know what you are, you're just negotiating price. For you guys to stand up --

O'Reilly: Of course, that's the degree of anybody when you describe socialism. There are little socialistic programs and giant socialist programs. OK? And some people believe that Obama is on the huge government creation -- the government dominance. And you yourself said it! You yourself said it! He wants more regulation, he wants to create things, he wants big government.

Stewart: But he's given back so much executive power!

O'Reilly: What?

Stewart: Executive power!

O'Reilly: He hasn't given back anything. He just hasn't handled the Congress. He doesn't know how to handle them yet. That's inexperience. Now --

Stewart: So he's not a tyrant. Because if he's a tyrant, then he's pretty lame for a tyrant.

O'Reilly: I don't object --

Stewart: How many tyrants do you know that really suffer because they can't get cloture? Very few.

Unedited Video Interview:

Greenspan/Waxman video for previous post

2010-02-02T20:34:00.002-06:00

When an economist admits he is wrong and no one is around to hear it...

2010-02-02T07:52:00.007-06:00

...or understand it.

Remember near the end of 2008 when the economy began to tank and the US was experiencing the worst deficits ever, coincidentally under George W. Bush?

If not, here are two graphical representations of deficit by president. The first chart, created by the Congressional Budget Office, is from 1961 to 2005 with projections into 2006 from Republican v. Democratic budgets. Notice the difference here: Republican budget proposals projected to -$337 Billion vs Democratic proposal projected to -$428 Billion into fiscal year 2006.

Now take a look at a more recent chart created from data taken from the US Treasury Dept.

Notice how at the end of 2006, the Republican deficit in reality is -$574 Billion, before Democrats took back majority of congress. In Bush's defense, when Clinton took office, the growth, or perhaps more accurately the decreases in debt, were steadily decreasing over time. Even Clinton, had he been able to stay in office, probably would have been facing some of the same issues. Also in G. Dub's defense, the 2008 bailout worth some $700 Billion proposed by Bush and signed into office with bipartisan support, added to the annual deficit (but spread over the course of years). This in defense of Bush because any economist would agree that during a massive recession the most effective means to stimulate growth or create increased "demand" is to inject a shit ton of money into the economy.

Remember the Great Depression? Well the reason it turned into a great depression and not a relatively short-lived recession is that instead of injecting capital into the economy (ie. printing more money), everything was liquidated or sold off. We have learned from our mistakes which is why the Bush Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008, however unfair to the average citizen, was necessary in order to stave off a horrible economic depression. Do you guys remember when all of the Republicans and Tea-Baggers were accusing Bush of socialism? I don't either because it didn't fucking happen: hypocrites.

Even with the $700 Billion Bush bailout, annual and projected deficits would not have been nearly that large had there been a Democratic congress between 2000 - 2006. Hypothetical yes, but Dems did not have cut taxes for the wealthy, Republicans did (Republicans will counter this citing that it helped the middle-class and the economy through the ever wonderful theory of trickle-down economics). Dems did not create the projected $724 Billion (through 2015) Medicare Part D with no way to pay for it, Republicans did. Dems did not create other unfunded mandates such as the irresponsibly operated No Child Left Behind, Republicans did (Props to Arne Duncan for initiating changes). Dems did not invade Iraq costing the US as of yet more than $3/4 Trillion, a Republican President with a Republican Majority did (amongst other Dem votes. Props to Obama for not voting for it). This also took the eye off the prize in Afghanistan which will end up costing us $billions, perhaps $trillions more, not to mention the loss of life.

Let me briefly touch on the subprime mortgage crisis. Conservatives will always jump the gun and blame the Community Reinvestment Act (CRA), which they say led to banks being forced to lend to uncreditworthy borrowers who would eventually default on loan payments. This is a complicated subject with multiple factors including predatory lending, repealing of the Glass-Steagall Act, etc. Regardless, let me give conservatives two statements to meditate on:

1) Randall Krosner, former economic adviser to G. Dub and Federal Reserve Governor, has stated that the CRA was not to blame for the crisis.

2) Nobel Prize-winning economist Paul Krugman said, "...the CRE bubble is highly significant; it gives the lie both to those who blame Fannie/Freddie/Community Reinvestment for the housing bubble, and those who blame predatory lending. This was a broad-based bubble."

Or for the layperson, bubbles in both markets graphically illustrated here, developed even though only the residential market was affected by the proposed causes. However, this is somewhat tangential to the point of my post.

Being confined to a dogma, whether in science, religion, politics or economics and resisting ideological alterations in order to fulfill an egotistical place in the universe, is dangerous. And arrogant. And ignorant. I'm not saying dogma as in following the scientific method, but dogma as in saying the single universe theory is correct no matter what even though the Large Hadron Collidor in Cern just revealed the Higgs-Boson particle that led to an understanding of dark matter that led to an understanding of dark energy that pointed to the validity of the multi-verse theory (did not happen). And I'm not talking dogma as in that saying all historical evidence points to capitalism as the most sustainable and prosperity-inducing economic system, but dogma as in Ayn Rand or Milton Freemon and FORMERLY Alan Greenspan's theory of Masturbate to Laissez-Faire Capitalism and Capitalism with investment banks regulating themselves.

It's important to note that in modern economies there are ebbs and flows of recessions and expansions. When a recession occurs, which is more often than not the result of too much supply and not enough demand (maybe people are scared to spend because there are no jobs out there so they put all their money in an account or under their bed all while supply is still up), the way to prevent a serious depression is to inject money into the economy, which stimulates spending. The problem is, if you inject too much money, inflation will occur. This is kind of what the Federal Reserve wrestles with on a daily basis.

Most economists today believe that Obama's stimulus package in 2009 was far too weak to spur the type of recovery that is needed for a recession of this magnitude. Unfortunately, due to the irrational hatred for our President and ever-increasing politicization, this is what we got. Ok so what were the reasons for the recessions. Too many to list. However, if you watch the video I have posted below, you can hear for yourself. You can hear Alan Greenspan, a truly brilliant mind with a formerly dogmatic view of capitalism, say how he was wrong. I give him credit for this admission, but he has not done enough (or anything) to educate the public on the benefits of government control within certain aspects of the economy.

I highly encourage you to watch and have translated the entire video, but here is the gist:

Mr. Greenspan: “Those of us who have looked to the self-interest of lending institutions to protect shareholders’ equity, myself included, are in a state of shocked disbelief."

So basically he's saying that he's surprised that profiteers took advantage of the system for financial gain.

------------------------------------

Rep. Henry Waxman: "It sounds to me like you are saying that those who trusted the market to regulate itself, yourself (Greenspan) included, made a serious mistake."

Greenspan: "Well I think that's true of some products, but not all."

Waxman: "Where do you think you made a mistake then."

Greenspan: "I made a mistake in presuming the self-interest or organization, specifically banks and others, were such that they were best capable of protecting their own shareholders."

HA. Let me repeat. So basically he's saying that he's surprised that profiteers took advantage of the system for financial gain.

----------------------------------------------

THE KICKER (and quite funny):

Waxman: "The question I have for you. You had an ideology. You had a belief that free, competitive markets are by far the unrivaled way to organize economies. You had the authority to prevent irresponsible lending practices that led to the subprime mortgage crisis. You were advised to do so by many others. “Do you feel that your ideology pushed you to make decisions that you wish you had not made?”

Greenspan: "Well remember that what an ideology is is a conceptual framework with the way people deal with reality." HA! "Everyone has one. You have to.. to exist you need an ideology. The question is is it accurate or not? And what I'm saying to you is yes, I’ve found a flaw. I don’t know how significant or permanent it is. But I’ve been very distressed by that fact.”

THE LESSON:

Greenspan: "I still do not fully understand why it happened and obviously to the extent that I figure it out where it happened and why, I will change my views. The facts change, I will change."

The damage has been done (It is Obama's fault). Alan Greenspan, per his parlanced retorts, did not do his job as Federal Reserve Chairman and was responsible for this economic recession that had international ramifications. The positive point to be made, however, is that he will (claims) to change his ideology based on new data that he has received.... unlike so many others.

Ah fuck it. It was Obama.

via Disclose TV

postS.. this was semi-stream of conscious so if it is a bit disjointed or full of non sequiturs, go jerk off to the Wall Street Journal op/ed section.

MUST SEE!!!!

2010-01-30T15:44:00.004-06:00

**Facebook still cannot embed videos from imported sources so you will not be able to watch unless you go to youtube or my blog**

Republican House leadership invited President Obama to one of their annual "retreats" in Baltimore yesterday for a dialogue that proved to be some of the most intriguing political television I have ever seen. I literally could not take my eyes off the tv for the over 60 minutes of the impromptu Q&A. Whatever Obama lacks in tangible leadership ability, he more than made up for with this rare show of confident, intelligently precise evisceration of Republican questioning, each preluded by a talking-points, bumper sticker-esque attack on the President.

The entire time I'm watching this unbelievable political spectacle, I can't help but think how G. Dub. would have responded to such reciprocal questioning. It probably would have looked something like this:

During the 2008 presidential campaign, I had a Republican family member firmly state that he would rather have a relatively ignorant soccer mom in the White House over a Harvard-educated lawyer \any day. He would rather have had someone who had graduated from a state college with average grades after transferring three times due to academic probations, who had never travelled outside of the United States or had nothing more than a rudimentary understanding of economics and foreign policy and literally... LITERALLY zero understanding of science and the importance of research in societal progression and quality of life. (I'm of course talking about Sarah Palin as McCain probably would have died shortly after had he been elected in the ultimate finale of apocalyptic irony). Whereas Obama graduated top of his class in the number one law school in the world. (Law school rankings fluctuate annually.. or something). Someone please explain to me how this makes sense.

Where does this distrust, not only for intellect, but for experience come from? The simple and correct answer is that it stems from selecting and being confined to a role and more germanely, taking every piece of information at face-value that permeates from the respective politically philosophical collective. The worst part of all, momentum is built that terminally narrows perspective and creates an ideology where, for example, any aspect of socialism will inevitably lead to the disintegration of the United States and ultimately space-time as we know it, and where any aspect of capitalism is inherently corrupt and middle-class killing.

I read an article today from CrooksandLiars touching on this same idea.

"No matter what the topic, from health care reform to Wall Street, and no matter how many points we agreed on or how many facts I laid at their feet, someone would invariably turn to me and dismissively say "Yes, but you're so left wing that you..." or "This is a center-right country, and you're so far left that..." In each case I asked them to explain -- please give examples of what makes me, or anyone, "left wing." The only thing they could come up with was deficits! Pelosi and Reid! Beyond that, it was because I didn't hate people like Al Gore and Howard Dean and I watch Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow, and EVERYBODY knows they are really "far left."

Head. Smash. Desk.

The irony of it all is that in the end, we agreed on about 90% of everything we talked about. Old habits die hard and they couldn't let go of the old targets they were trained to hate by the right wing media. In their minds, any policy or legislation that comes from Democrats with no support from the right is just far left and that can't be good. We ended up agreeing to disagree ... on all the issues we agreed on! I'm sure I'm not the only one who has suffered through these kinds of skull-numbing experiences so if you've found yourself in the same position, please feel free to use this post to vent. "

In the following video, President Obama eloquently touches on this transparent idea of Republican obstructionism and hypocrisy for the sake of politicization. Obviously this happens on both sides as it doesn't take a genius to identify when a liberal radio host attacks a conservative for 'X', but wouldn't touch a fellow liberal who did or said 'X' as well. However, there is nothing more relevantly disgusting as the current politicization against Obama, which he coherently destroyed at the Republican's expense (and at their invitation). Say what you will after you watch it, but when conservative news sources don't cover a historically epic event such as this, it is because the more people see it the more it hurts their agenda.

There were two points that Obama made which are unequivocally corroborated by non-partisan organizations and every objective observer that has an ounce of grey matter:

1) "Now, look, let's talk about the budget once again, because I'll go through it with you line by line. The fact of the matter is, is that when we came into office, the deficit was $1.3 trillion. -- $1.3 [trillion.] So when you say that suddenly I've got a monthly budget that is higher than the -- a monthly deficit that's higher than the annual deficit left by the Republicans, that's factually just not true, and you know it's not true.

And what is true is that we came in already with a $1.3 trillion deficit before I had passed any law. What is true is we came in with $8 trillion worth of debt over the next decade -- had nothing to do with anything that we had done. It had to do with the fact that in 2000 when there was a budget surplus of $200 billion, you had a Republican administration and a Republican Congress, and we had two tax cuts that weren't paid for.

You had a prescription drug plan -- the biggest entitlement plan, by the way, in several decades -- that was passed without it being paid for. You had two wars that were done through supplementals. And then you had $3 trillion projected because of the lost revenue of this recession. That's $8 trillion.

Now, we increased it by a trillion dollars because of the spending that we had to make on the stimulus. I am happy to have any independent fact-checker out there take a look at your presentation versus mine in terms of the accuracy of what I just said."

Republicans ALWAYS assert that all progressives want to do is create a larger more obtrusive (fascist) government which is run through perpetually irresponsible spending. Again, say what you will about Obama always blaming Bush, but the fact of the matter is what would you do if someone was trying to take the above truths and turning it against you? My question is, why the fuck should we allow the Republicans to govern again after the last 8 years, who not only took a budget surplus to a budget deficit, but took the budget deficit to a projected $8 Trillion over the next decade and pawned it off as a result of Obama's policy? Again, for the bazillionth time, between the Patriot Act, Medicare Part D, irresponsible defense spending ( ie F-22), and two police actions that were not paid for... holy shit people.. come on.. AND YOU ARE GIVING OBAMA SHIT?!?! THE HYPOCRISY IS PAINTED ON YOUR FUCKING SKULLS!!!!!!!!!!!!

2) "And so I'm thinking to myself, well, how is it that a plan that is pretty centrist -- no, look, I mean, I'm just saying, I know you guys disagree, but if you look at the facts of this bill, most independent observers would say this is actually what many Republicans -- is similar to what many Republicans proposed to Bill Clinton when he was doing his debate on health care.

So all I'm saying is, we've got to close the gap a little bit between the rhetoric and the reality. I'm not suggesting that we're going to agree on everything, whether it's on health care or energy or what have you, but if the way these issues are being presented by the Republicans is that this is some wild-eyed plot to impose huge government in every aspect of our lives, what happens is you guys then don't have a lot of room to negotiate with me.

I mean, the fact of the matter is, is that many of you, if you voted with the administration on something, are politically vulnerable in your own base, in your own party. You've given yourselves very little room to work in a bipartisan fashion because what you've been telling your constituents is, this guy is doing all kinds of crazy stuff that's going to destroy America."

Now, I hope you can identify my assertions at the beginning of the post and tie it in with what Obama was saying and ultimately why our current political system is ineffective in fixing any problems. Congressional Republicans tacitly understand that Obama's policies are not ideologically oppressive, socialist or fascist and are actually far more conservative than the policy that spewed out during the last 8 years of Republican control, but politically they have tried to and have successfully villainized him to their constituents for the purpose of politicization. Now, the absent-minded citizen will pick up on these hypocritical talking points, which perpetuates this intellectual tunnel vision. Now no matter what, Republicans cannot be seen compromising on anything or they run the very real danger of being seen as a socialist-fascist-babyeating-sociopath-ideologue by the monster they created.

Republican leadership had almost a decade of control and look what happened. Now progressives have been in power for one year and they are already bitching and refuse to participate.

FUCKING BABIES

2010-01-29T15:03:00.004-06:00

Rebecca Sheets Ohhh Jacob!! HA!! I do love you more and more each day!! :) This absolutely made my day!!!

I now have 10 questions for you...

1. Are you going to Haiti?... See More

2. Do you really miss Bush?

3. What would you do, or wouldn't you do right now to be inside drinking HOT tea with my mom while ABBY AND I do all the work outside in the COLD?

4. Why did you shave?

5. Did you come up with the saying twenty-dime?...

6. Or...did Obama say that tonight and I am the only American that didn't watch the State of the Union because I was watching my DVR of Oprah about where my food "comes from"?

7. I hate Groundhogs Day!!!!!! You don't really like that movie, DO YOU?

8. Doesn't the Beast become a dashing young prince at the end? Or was that the Becca Sheets version?

9. What is your New Years resolution?

10. Do you miss me??

Hope to see you soon and get some answers young man!!!!

Hello to Sahar!!!!!

lol.. "oh jacob".. . becca when am i going to move to sb?!

1. It has come to my attention that there is a possibility.

2. I miss Bush's leadership skillz in the context of Obama's pussyfoot bob-and-weave. I kinda wish Obama had the ability to make a decision and push it down people's throats and truly believe it was the right thing to do no matter how many people dissented and how many innocent people died and how many constitutional amendments it broke (partly kidding).

3. OMG that would be awesome. I miss your parents. I could talk with pat, drink jack with your dad and play with your cats (ohhhh..) :S do you remember that pic of me trying to force feed a treat to one of them with my mouth?

4. I was using this cheap ass beard trimmer and it was going fine until I did my chin and it went all the way to my fucking skin and ruined my wonderful face full of pubic-like coarseness.

5. I did not come up with Twenty-Dime. I like it though. It brings me back to my Bloods and Crips days.

6. I should just stop talking to you right now.

7. Are you kidding?! Groundhog day is an excellent piece of cinematographic art. It's also a 96% on the TOMATOMETER. Duh.

8. Not in the Sahar version. She wants me to get chest and back hair extensions and wear a wig. I really think she has an unhealthy fetish.

9. I don't need an arbitrary holiday based on a calendar that was created and introduced by the most corrupt institution ever during the arguably most corrupt era ever in which scientists, objectivists and rationalist were persecuted, tortured and murdered for their free-thinking, amongst many many others.

10. Rebecca I miss you so much. I'm really hoping you move to Chicago to be close to your friends and family. Fix is also moving to Chicago.

postS. Sahar gives her painfully cheery, "oh tell her HI! and when do we get to see her again?!" I'm almost certain what she's really thinking is, "Look at my man the wrong way fish pants and I'll cut you..."

In Other News While I was spell-checking, I came across the word-of-the-day: DESCENT
A surgical procedure to remove the anal sacs, which are musk-producing glands on either side of the anal opening.

Can you use it in a sentence?

If Brain was descented *draumatic pause* our lives would be much happier.

God This Sucks

2010-01-27T17:31:00.003-06:00

Things aren't great right now, relatively speaking of course. I mean things are far better than getting punched in the crotch or living in Haiti, but in my reality.... ho. hum. (Just as a quick aside, I found out there is an opportunity for me to go to Haiti and do some environmental work. More to come.) Here is a list of why things suck right now:

1) Coldest week of 2010.
2) Working outside during the coldest week of 2010.
3) Haven't worked out since Sunday since I have no energy due to working outside during the coldest week of 2010.
4) Feeling guilty that I use the coldest week of 2010 as an excuse to not get to the gym.
5) Suffering from PTSD. Post Traumatic Shave Disorder... I miss my beard and it misses me.
6) Ever since Sahar became an ENT Surgical PA, there has been a q-tip holocaust in our apartment. The other day it came to my attention that she used some q-tips and never told me. I don't even know who to trust anymore.
7) My 12-consecutive clean-sweeps ended yesterday. I was going to save the world with my paperless-poo's.
8) Obama continues to disappoint.. he's no worse than any other president that talked a big talk and didn't come through, except his talk was a giant talk and I believed him. Fool me once...

God I miss Bush.
Actually, in terms of PolitiFact's Obameter, which keeps track of the status of all of Obama's "hope-filled" campaign promises, we should reserve judgement. Regardless, there is something missing in Obama's persona. I want the fucking bold progressive leader we were promised, not a pussy-footing Ghandi. I hate to say this, but I wish he would adopt the Bush W. style of leadership and not care what anyone thinks, especially the minority party, regardless of how much of a stupid fucking moron he really is, which Obama is not. And frankly, I don't give a shit what he has to SAY at the State of the Union, we'll see what he DOES in Twenty-Dime.

9) Sahar saw one of those bookstore rolling ladders and said, "I wish I had one of those so I could be like Beauty and the Beast." Deductive reasoning: I'm the fucking beast.

10) I feel like I'm living with Bill Murray in Groundhog's Day. Not only is every day the same, but Sahar is just like Stu Price's wife in The Hangover. "Don't forget your fucking Rogaine!" she'll scream, "I can tell when you don't use it you bald shit dick." Or, "I'm not giving you another blow job until we get married." Which we all know is a trick because once a guy gets married fellatio relates inversely proportional to the amount of shows he has to watch on Lifetime or Bravo.

Update* Diver Bar COMPLETE!!

2010-01-24T11:24:00.005-06:00

Come one come all and join us consumptionists in overcoming the existential vacuum.

High Life is on the house!

postS to last post

2010-01-23T11:23:00.001-06:00

fix you are one of my best friends and i love you and i am anxiously awaiting your hopefully impending arrival to the greater chicago area this summer and remember the time we got drunk and you did the thing with the easy cheese?

Rebuttal to Illogic..

2010-01-23T10:49:00.002-06:00

Too often in politics, partisan bias on both ends of the spectrum cloud judgement and completely destroys any attempt at objective analysis:

Jake:
*refer to previous blog post*

Fix:
Jake you should be happy...now all of your union friends will have even more say in getting their buddies elected than they did in the 2008 elections

Jake:
Fix.. you should be just as disillusioned as i am but instead you resort to a double logical fallacy with your sarcastic implications. it doesn't take a genius to identify this as a guised ad hominem attack, in which you attempt to tarnish my standing in our societal caste system, as well as my intellectual credibility and general character, with your veiled and factually inaccurate attempt to portray my so-called affinity toward unions which, are I guess, intrinsically evil. every time some type of progressive initiative is introduced, far too often do cons. bypass rational thought and introduce the slippery-slope argument to the painfully boring and redundant conclusion of fascism. you know hitler was never a fascist. he was the nihilist leader of a death cult. mussolini, now he was a fascist, augmenting his brutal ruling with a corporatist economic system. i don't give a fuck if it's ge, local pipe fitters #138 or news corp., no corporation should be allowed to thrust influence of a collective treasury to influence the body politic and drawn out the voice of the individual (even more so than they all already do). i get so much sand in my vagina every time i am the lone identifier of the terminal hypocrisy of conservatives with their default fascist argument with these now two, tragically overlooked FACTS:

1) it was a conservative republican administration who created the most AUTHORITARIAN and civil-rights divesting initiative ever with the aptly-named patriot act, which true conservatives recognize isn't really conservative at all. Yet, beacuase of partisan bias, they (you) refused to speak out about it (and still do). And since i am of higher intellectual enlightenment than most, i can see the hypocrisy of the current so-called progressive admin. continuing this horrific law.

2) it was a conservative supreme court that ignored centuries of precedent and allowed for the creation of the most CORPORATIST economy in the history of the u.s. conservatives are dead silent about this now because they know it is grotesquely wrong and/or know it might favor a republican agenda at the present time. i assure you this is not a victory for anyone.

do me a favor do some research on how AUTHORITARIAN and CORPORATIST relate to fascism.

Supreme Court decision strips the people of any remaining voice...

2010-01-21T15:39:00.002-06:00

While I'm politically engaged, I rarely get a bunch of sand in my vagina over legislation or rulings; this is one of those rarities (I could have a beach party in my vestibule).

If this doesn't bother you - regardless of political affiliation - you are either an apathetic nihilist (redundant, I know, but trying to get my point across) or Ignorant.

From Crooks and Liars: "Here's the bottom line to today's 5-4 ruling: giant corporations can spend as much as they please on elections to advance their agendas. The right-wing Roberts court ruled that Exxon has the same free speech rights as you and me. In other words, Exxon is a person too."

Dive Bar: Day 5 and Beyond...

2009-12-21T19:32:00.012-06:00

It seems facebook has updated their blog import capabilities to accept jpg's, unbeknownst to me, so I'm re-importing Disparate Thought.

I know it's been a few days since I've updated our dive bar construction, but I have been busy being arguably the best uncle in the world to a nephew trying to overcome a faux-macroglossia disorder:

And putting in 10-hr days in 0-degree F weather:

The bar has been going pretty well when we've had a chance to work on it and one of the main issues has been reaching that critical level of blood-alcohol concentration where productivity is no longer a function of intoxication. The last pic is where we left off tonight.

Next Steps:
1) Measure and cut trim.
2) Paint and apply trim.
3) Install glass blocks.
4) Sand bar top.
5) Figure out how the hell to use a router and make a decorative edge for the bar top.
6) Install bar top.
7) Touch up paint.
8) Install bar prep covering (laminate, tile, sheet metal)
9) Install bar top covering (laminate, tile, sheet metal??)
10) Install interior shelving/wracks
11) Paint cabinet area/Install shelving/wracks
12) Install bar and cabinet lighting (rope lights?)
13) Buy new bar stools
14) Stock bar with all sorts of expensive wines and scotches
15) Site at The Dive bar and drink copious amounts of High Life

PostS: The premise of The Dive Bar is actually a crappy piece of modern art that did not cost shit to construct. Here is the current and projected breakdown of costs for what actually went into the bar:

Dresser: $12
Lumber: $40
Trim: $12
Paint: $30
Glass Blocks: Free
Bar Stools: Free (Indirect Christmas Gifts)
Lights: $25
High Life 24-pack bottles: $12
---------------------------
Total: $ 131

It's not done yet, but I promise when it is: PARRRRRRRRTTTYYYYY

Dive Bar: Day 3 and 4

2009-12-09T08:10:00.012-06:00

Who knew using an orbital sander would produce an inordinate amount of respirable particulate matter. The result:

Only thing, when you live with a beautiful wonderfly hygienic young woman, said woman typically frowns upon performing aforementioned videographic actions. The result:

So after Sahar got done waterboarding me, we were finally ready to begin Day 3: Construction Of A Dive Bar To Facilitate The Consumption Of At Least Fifteen Ice-Cold Golden High-Lives In One Sitting In What Is Now A Bar Room As Dusty As John Steinbeck's Imagination.

Day 3 did not start very Jamba Juicish. My circular hand saw jammed and it took me three hours to take it a part and go in from behind (Sahar seriously, get your mind out of the gutter) and fix it. Without this boost in my ingenuitous confidence, I probably would have quit after I had to figure out why all of my screw-heads were stripping. Who the fuck knew I had to pre-drill "pilot holes" to screw? Since I wasn't using the correct pilot-hole bit and just a regular drill bit, I really had to apply aggressive pressure when I was screwing because the hole was pretty small.

First things first: Frame

Did I mention I'm not using any plans other than what my savant mind contains?

Hmmm... ok.. I guess I can start to see how this is going to work.

Day 4: Come To Find Out, It's Just As Easy To Drink At An Incomplete Homemade Bar...

Back side...

So it's coming along slightly better than I thought. There's probably going to be excessive use of trim to cover some small gaps due to shitty sawing, uneven edges, an uneven floor and an ancient uneven dresser. Still, I assure you your beer will NOT fall off the bar top once it's done!

Night

Dive Bar: Day 2

2009-12-08T20:09:00.008-06:00

I'm getting really antsy to sit at my own bar in the dark, pounding High Life's (shouldn't it be High Lives?) until I thoroughly resent everyone who is more successful and has more hair than I do. Can't this lead paint remove itself? Scraping is NOT the way to go...

Unfortunately, apartment dwellers don't really need power tools so we had to hit up the Depot and rent an orbital sander. The ironic thing was that we got this at Sahar's insistence, yet I was the one who ended up with the forearms of a 14-year old who just went on a sick-day vhs porn bender. (I never actually did this though. Prove I did). Like pounding High Live's, it wasn't a quick fix, but it did the trick.

Dive Bar: Day 1

2009-12-06T20:50:00.012-06:00

There's something therapeutic and fulfilling - working with your hands - constructing a form from nondescript pieces into a finished product whose essence is defined by the "sum of its parts." Creativity is the ability to rearrange pre existing thoughts, words, ideas, hardware, etc. into a new form whose meaning, quality and relevant worth is deeply and perpetually existential.

Fulfillment undoubtedly comes from positive reinforcement, but this recognition is only one component as true gratification comes from viewing your creation as the sole form in a formless world. There is no relativity to bring comparative meaning that too often robs us of a job well done, only the satisfaction that we - using our invaluable finite time - brought a new form into existence. Perhaps the most significant component of creative fulfillment comes from the acknowledgement that living beings can take away something positive from interaction with your creation.

There are no new ideas, just rearrangements of previously existing components. (Don't doubt me. I'll take you down to the molecular level if I have to).
Whether it's having a child, painting a canvas or building a house, find meaning through existentialism and your fulfillment will be far more significant.

Sahar and I built these bookshelves from an idea we saw on Apartment Therapy using plumbing supplies and wood boards. Simple in construction, but building something far more structurally sound, aesthetically pleasing and spatially effective than anything that can be purchased is a great accomplishment for two creative and carpentry beginners.

To keep the ball rolling with this new hobby, Sahar came up with the idea to turn an old dresser into a dry bar. We hope to accomplish one distinct goal from this project (aside from helping Aids patients by purchasing our dresser from Brown Elephant and all that existential fulfillment): To have a credible refuge for our moral-bending debauchery.

There is nothing sophisticated about playing full-beer flippy cup in a cold garage, drinking Tabasco-saturated cuervo shots, smoking on the roof, letting the cat out on the roof, trying to get the cat off the roof, falling off the roof and waking up the next morning in some shrubs after pissing myself. Now to clarify, I never actually did this, but had I performed these shenanigans with, next to and/or on my homemade bar, I'd go from this guy:

To these guys:

(This coincidentally is a tribute to my friend Brain).

Since Sahar and I have no former carpentry experience except Mr. Prusman's 7th Grade Shops class, we will only be using our critical thinking skills. So we're not quite sure how it will turn out, but I can promise you this: YOUR BEER IS GUARANTEED NOT TO SLIDE OFF THE TOP.

This will be the crux of our rehabbed dresser bar. I'm hoping this isn't lead paint.

Sahar attempting to scrape off years of other people's memories (and what I hope isn't lead paint). I'm sure you'll be fine Sahar. This is about where we left after Day 1 and were having the following thoughts:

Why did we start this?
I'm bored.
Can we hire an illegal and/or just buy a bar from Ikea?
Do we have beer?
Thank Jebus, we do have beer.
We have tequila too?! I quit. It's going to be a fun night.

Funniest Fucking (and little known) Cartman Songs + DVDA

2009-12-05T09:24:00.003-06:00

The end is the best

Thought Stream...

2009-12-04T16:34:00.002-06:00

...Last year when I lived in Canada for five months I befriended a middle-aged retired Navy diver and current explosive ordinance expert. We naturally gravitated toward each other as we were both intelligent, pragmatic Americans surrounded by a bunch of ex-Canadian military, most of whom were in their sixties, some of whom spoke mostly French, all of them ignorant bigots. As the months went by I made perhaps the most significant coming-of-age discovery through my new friend: As Ron Burgundy says, "I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly..."

Seriously, when you acquire a taste for scotch, you begin to taste the Elixir-of-the-God's, or Christ Juice as I like to call it. Does anyone else want to get down on their knees and start pleasing Jesus? Feel his salvation all over your face? (The entire clip is genius, but for relevant purposes, it's the 1:35 mark).

------------------

I realized I never formally wrote about my experiences in Iran or posted any pictures. (Or did I?). It was the most unique experience of my life, and for the first time ever, I felt what is was like to want to fight and possibly die for a cause. Of course after 9/11 I was pretty geared up, which most likely influenced my enlightening, yet short-stint in the military several years later. However, the problems with our ensuing police actions were 1) What the fuck did Colin Powell's ethereal UN presentation kicking off our unfortunate relationship with Iraq have to do with terrorist hijackers? 2) While I was deeply upset and infuriated - still am - at those terrorist attacks, the reality was that it did not directly influence my way of life. I still had college classes. I didn't lose my job. I could still drink underage. I didn't lose any freedoms.

The distinct difference came during my civilian tour in Iran when I experienced first-hand the horrors that accompany a totalitarian theocracy: An inability for men to wear shorts in public and much more severe the clothing requirements for woman. The censorship of literature, publications, the media, etc (ie. no freedom of speech). The accounts - and visual scars - from family members and friends who have been detained and beaten for talking with the opposite sex or drinking alcohol. The well-known accounts of the Basij (a militia group) raiding dorms and raping females and murdering both sexes. The blood-stained concrete where just a day ago a protester(s) of the government and elections were shot.

I could go on and I will when I decide to write about my experience, but my point is the difference between our war on terrorism and what I experienced in Iran is the difference between intangible and tangible. Terrorists are these ghosts that no one can see and rarely ever rear their heads in the civilized world, but something that 'should be feared at all times.' The situation in Iran is an ongoing oppression that is clear to anyone who enters. Now I'm not saying we shouldn't be doing something proactive about the aforementioned ghosts, but how do you fight a few bad apples among us all? There is no good answer... it's very difficult. However, my experience in Iran directly affected me and continues to affect many many good people who I care about dearly.

(A rarely addressed irony is that Iran is like a vacation in Del Boca Vista compared to the fucking travesty that is Saudi Arabia and many other Islamic nations).

---------------------------

Sahar just got home and per the norm the first words out of her mouth were -imagine the voice of an abusive Cinderella mouse, "Take your clothes off bitch!!" Then she grabbed my crotch and growled, "I own thisss." I can only cover these bruises for so long... Gotta love the Fridays though. Last Saturday we had rare after-party at our A.P.T. and like clockwork, Brain bought way more alcohol than was needed and now I will be drinking a bunch of his typical leftover Bud Lights.

Tomorrow we'll be attending an ugly sweater party, which is somewhat painful since it is like the most overused cliche amongst young professional Lincoln Park douche bags, but a lot of my friends will be there so I will swallow my pride and attend fully-wooled. (My young pro friends who live in Lincoln Park.. you aren't d-bags.. mostly).

Ok beer beer beer.

Bygones Be Here; I'll Just Leave

2009-12-02T15:11:00.002-06:00

British gay roman-catholic libertarian conservative blogger Andrew Sullivan wrote a goodbye letter of sorts divesting himself of anything related to the current US Republican Party (ie. modern conservatism). While Mr. Sullivan's proclamation of homosexuality in conjunction with rigid Christian doctrine effectively robs himself of logical credibility, he nonetheless presents a passionate, succinct argument summarizing what is wrong with intellectual and empathetic stagnation.

A few of his quotes:

I cannot support a movement that claims to believe in limited government but backed an unlimited domestic and foreign policy presidency that assumed illegal, extra-constitutional dictatorial powers until forced by the system to return to the rule of law.
I cannot support a movement that exploded spending and borrowing and blames its successor for the debt.
I cannot support a movement that criminalizes private behavior in the war on drugs.
I cannot support a movement that holds that purely religious doctrine should govern civil political decisions and that uses the sacredness of religious faith for the pursuit of worldly power.

These are few of the many reasons why I am becoming increasingly militantly-progressive with a dash of libertarianism. For those of you who shiver at that thought, here is the classical definition of progressive:

Promoting or favoring progress toward better conditions or new policies, ideas, or methods

This pragmatic conclusion of mine is a result of one of the very few absolute truths in our shared reality: The earth on which we live is - for all intents and purposes - a closed system* with finite resources. The processes that take place within this closed system are composed of nonlinear dynamics and while natural processes might seek equilibrium, they are always in flux. Furthermore, our brains and the resulting thought processes are perhaps a level of magnitude more complicated and non-static than this closed system in which we reside.

So, we have this dynamic human condition within a relatively, ever-increasing claustrophobic closed system that is also dynamic. These two PERPETUALLY CHANGING factors have, over time, allowed for the creation of societies, economic and political systems. How is it logical for a dynamic, imperfect human to remain socially, economically and politically rigid amongst this never-ending storm? It's not.

One of the best pieces of advice I have been given is that if it's not broken, don't fix it. Unfortunately, sticking with the norm or being conservative in a changing system will only work with only work for so long. I'm not arguing for major changes within any of our current societal systems or foreign policy. I am saying that sometimes it's acceptable to admit that no matter what you know, you might be wrong. Sometimes it's ok to rise a tax for the common good. Sometimes it's ok to limit profits at the top to protect the entire system. Sometimes it's ok to tweak a policy here, remove a policy there and implement an all new policy that does not have a prior precedent. How about some of you stop speaking for a God that doesn't exist (or at least doesn't intervene... oh he does intervene? Tell that to the seven year old that was just raped and beheaded), stop speaking for a christ that is more compassionate and social oriented than you are and stop speaking for the intentions and religious orientation of our founding fathers despite your lack of historical knowledge. (If anything, they were mostly deists, if not agnostics. At the very least they were ardent secularists!!).

Factors change. Demographic fluctuations occur. Viruses and diseases mutate and branch out. Environmental processes ebb and flow from natural and anthropogenic changes. Memes change society. Evolution changes life....

Times change. Conservatives don't.

postS. Andrew Sullivan's article here.

"Capitalism In Its Best Form"

2009-10-19T15:12:00.003-05:00

When Dylan Ratigan first came to MSNBC mornings months back, I wasn't really sure how he was going to work out and was quite critical as he baby-stepped into the 8.00AM time slot. However, as he progressed and gained a productive level of comfort, his confidence seemed to open up his natural ability to be an incredibly intelligent and effective, relatively balanced 'new-age' journalist. For those of you who haven't seen him yet, this guy is very sharp and can hold his own with just about any current player out there. Let me just say he does NOT paddycake financial-oriented interviews like I've seen with just about every other host including Wolf Blitzer, Lou Dobbs, Anderson Cooper, Sean Hannity, Bill-O, Maria Bartiromo, Jim Cramer and everyone else at CNBC and Fox News Business.

Also, say what you will about Michael Moore, but comparing him to the liberal version of Ann Coulter is highly inaccurate and is due to an ego-oriented ad hominem attack of the left. I'm not going to turn this post into a defense of Michael Moore; however, some of the flack he is getting about his current movie is that he is preaching against capitalism, but making millions off of this and all of his other endeavours. Well, for those of you who are too ego-centric to form your own objective opinions, he is actually much in favor of capitalism, but a highly regulated consumer protected version of said system.

This is a great video articulating the absurdity of the current Wall Street bonuses and general issues with our heavily UN-regulated economic system that helped put us into our current place (and what little has been done to change this broken system).

I particularly enjoy Ratigan's explanation of "Capitalism in its best form," at the 4:08 mark.

I love you

It Depends What The Definition of Is, Is...

2009-10-16T09:57:00.002-05:00

(http://www.disparatethought.blogspot.com/ is back for a few posts)

Define Work. In terms of physics, generally speaking, energy is the ability to do work. Therefore, you could say work is the input of energy to do something useful. Define useful... Ugh. However, if we transfer the idea of 'work' or 'what works' to my rudimentary knowledge of economics, we come up with an infinite number of theories. We'll take two absolutist theories for sake of time. Laissez-Faire-Capitalist-Masturbators suggest that pure Capitalism is a self-correcting system that rewards effort, innovation and intellect. It is also very capable of being an anti-humanist system that rewards misinformation, a disregard for individuals and questionable ethical practices.

On the other side we have nonsensical nearsighted proponents of Socialism, which doesn't reward anyone and stagnates technological innovation and is capable of bogging down quality of life.

Under the Bush administration, the US economic system became more socialist than Hugo Chavez's Venezuala (Funny how I didn't hear any Tea Baggers' ball-stuffed mouths then). Under the Obama administration, we did this more times over bailing out derivative traders (oh but the Ball Mouthers got so panty-twisted when the autos got some tax-payer cash).

We are only as strong as our weakest link. It is very well-documented that the gap between social classes continues to rise. The inherent problem when a very small percentage of the population controls a very high percentage of the population's wealth is that the wealthy have easier access to the control and manipulation of information. Lobbyists, campaign contributions, radio stations and the subtle bending of information towards one's cause seems to be perpetuating the growth and sustainability of the wealthy few.

Conservatives seem to want their cake and eat it too. Particularly more hypocritical and unpragmatic are libertarians. Has anyone ever heard of the Tragedy of the Commons. Bible-thumping missionary-sex'n fornicators are breeding the intellect and rationality out of the rest of us. Get this through all of your govn't phobic minds: FINITE RESOURCES + EXPONENTIAL POPULATION GROWTH does NOT equal PROSPEROUS SUSTAINABILITY. At some point we have to step in as a group and look out for the greater good of the populous over a longer time line. I suggest we all get together in a big group and talk about some ideas. Then, we should pick some individuals who have really good ideas and single them out. These individuals can then take turns talking and the group can then get together and take turns saying who they think has the best idea, then that person can lead the rest of the group. Hmm... sounds a lot like something we have now.

Government is not the answer, but remember this too often glanced over fact: we are the government. However, government is ultimately not the answer and the burden lies on personal responsibility. Remember though we are only as strong as our weakest links and as the socio-economic gap continues to rise, our weak links continue to grow. I'm telling you know, the sign of a more advanced society is a social-oriented society with the benefits of capitalism. Decades from now, barring any major global catastrophe, we WILL have a heavily regulated capitalist society with socialist tones intertwined that are heavily oriented towards education and health as intrinsic rights of EVERY U.S. citizen.

We are all goign to have to give up some freedoms for the greater good. Instead of having eighteen kids like that fucking Christ-humping TLC family, maybe it might be a good idea to limit your procreating to three kids. Is that really that bad? My god. Too many adults in our population act like children when they can't have something.

... Ugh.. my disparate rantings have to end for the day and I'm sure there are more punctures in the above content then the Houston 500, but you get the jiz (ha). I'll end on two frightingly pragmatic and intellegent quotes.

"Private capital tends to become concentrated in [a] few hands, partly because of competition among the capitalists, and partly because technological development and the increasing division of labor encourage the formation of larger units of production at the expense of the smaller ones."

"The result of these developments is an oligarchy of private capital the enormous power of which cannot be effectively checked even by a democratically organized political society. This is true since the members of legislative bodies are selected by political parties, largely financed or otherwise influenced by private capitalists who, for all practical purposes, separate the electorate from the legislature. The consequence is that the representatives of the people do not in fact sufficiently protect the interests of the underprivileged sections of the population. Moreover, under existing conditions, private capitalists privately control, directly or indirectly, the main sources of information (press, radio, education). It is thus extremely difficult, and indeed most cases impossible for the individual citizen to come to objective conclusions and to make intelligent use of his political rights." Albert Enstein

"Corporations are ubiquitous parts of our lives, and those that own and run them want them to remain that way. We eat corporate food. We buy corporate clothes. We drive corporate cars. We buy our fuel from corporations. We borrow from, invest our retirement savings with, and take out our college loans with corporations and corporate banks. We are entertained, informed, and bombarded with advertisements by corporations. Many of us work for corporations. There are few aspects of life left that have not been taken over by corporations, from mail delivery to public utilities to our for-profit health-care system. These corporations have no loyalty to the country or workers. Our impoverishment feeds their profits. And profits, for corporations are all that count." Chris Hedges

I've never felt closer to a lyrical diatribe...

2009-10-15T16:57:00.002-05:00

Electricity for Dummies

2009-06-11T20:56:00.002-05:00

As an Environmental Scientist (I use the term 'Scientist' quite liberally since I'm only a 'Scientist' in the for-profit consulting sense and not the more admirable for-research sense) who has an interdisciplinary degree covering such subjects as meteorology, geology, hydrology, agronomy, astronomy and even a bit of business, I often times lose touch of certain concepts such as how electricity works. So when I discovered a way to splice furthering my education with psychedelic drug use, I jumped all over it...

Alternative Medicine: Better Take Your Gullibex

2009-06-10T19:22:00.003-05:00

Several months back I found myself having a difficult time dealing with some issues and found myself at a desperate end. I even went as far as making an acupuncture appointment despite having no practical knowledge of acupuncture as a therapy of any type or having read any credible peer-reviewed studies. Even though I never followed through with the appointment, this provides a represenative example of capitalistic opportunities through human desperation. I actually just googled acupuncture studies and came across this WaPo article summarizing a study done by the U of Maryland. Accupuncture has anectdotally demonstrated millions of times through the ages its ability to relieve physical symptoms, but guess what?!

"Studies in animals and humans have shown that traditional Chinese
acupuncture releases natural opium-like pain relievers called endorphins, as
well as other chemical messengers, in the brain, spinal cord and pituitary
gland."

HA! Guess where else you can achieve this effect. Um... by cutting yourself or inflicting localized trauma to your body by, oh let's say, tattoos. That is probably why so many people end up getting inked subsequent times.

Alt-therapy is a mutli-billion dollar/year industry, yet the majority of claims are not substantiated by any type of study whatsoever. And, in fact, many studies clearly counter such claims or at least illustrate effects of such therapies as no more efficacious than a placebo. This means that:

1)The mind is a powerful apparatus
2)There is something to the power of positive thought
3)Many people get to positive thought by blind faith in false claims

I'll never forget what my dad told me regarding these magnetic bracelets he wears for his arthritis. "Jake, I don't care if there is proof that magnets relieve pain or if it's just the placebo effect. Frankly, all I'm concerned with is that it works, and it does." I've always said that you have to do what works for you. No one should ever tell a cancer patient that the psychic energy they are receiving from their "healer" is as analogously bogus as bigfoot. However, we should all be aware of charlatans and the damaging illogical fallacies of faith.

What we SHOULD be doing is putting our energies into understanding that:
*THere is no easy way out (wasn't that a song in Rocky montage?)
*Ignorance could be beneficial to your health, but these short-lived benefits far under-weigh the costs to your intellectual development and hence, the perpetuation of an enlightened human race. Oh, as a quick aside, did you know that intelligence has a very proven positive correlation with longevity? Oh oh... and... did you know there is a very concrete negative correlation between intelligence and religiosity? Hmmm...?

Anyway, to give credit where credit is due. One of my favorite blogs is Bad Astronomy, written by Phil Plait, an astronomer and an author. His post on alt medicine, which can be found at the above link, is what motivated my expoundiation. I found two of his quotes particularly pragmatic, compelling and eloquent, which sums this whole mess up better than I ever could.

"A lot of people comment on my blog when I talk about this stuff and call me closed-minded, which makes me chuckle ironically, since most of these people are so anti-science their minds are clamped tight. And in fact I want to test these techniques to separate what works from what doesn’t. "

"My point: when the tests are done, and the technique is shown not to work as promised or even at all, then into the trash bin it goes. That’s science. That’s reality."

Kitty Vindication

2009-02-19T21:47:00.003-06:00

I've had quite the influx of complaints at the anticlimactory nature of my last kitten video. I don't know about you, but I laughed like hell at this new one........

... I think something's wrong with me..

American Terrorist Logic

2009-02-19T19:39:00.004-06:00

I've determined that inherent in an open-minded, easy-going philosophy on life is not an inability, but rather an unwillingness to form an opinionated lifestyle. This is because at the crux of open-mindedness is an admission to yourself that regardless of the views and opinions you create, there is always a chance that the very opposite is true. I say 'opposite' because the laws of relativity invoke the transitory and illusory nature of 'right and wrong.'

Despite what the theists - mono or poly - say, there is no Absolute Truth for which our decision making has a reference point. More interestingly, and something I would really like to expound on in later posts, is my refutation that morality does not stem from this supposed Absolute Truth that was inserted into each and every one of us prior to birth as a DIVINE SUPPOSITORY; rather, is a byproduct of an evolutionary survival mechanism within a societal matrix. Basically what I propose is that morality started as a cro magnon quid-pro-quo of sorts. It's the same principal we see in schools of fish or herds of mammals. In order to promote survival, the individual - even at the most basic and primitive level - identifies that their chances lie within the group. Therefore, the individual is only as strong and safe as the whole of the group. For sake of time, the conclusion I draw is that after several millenia of evolution, what some see as morality from a God is actually a physiologically conditioned sense of right and wrong in order to strengthen the group in order to preserve the individual.
.......................................

Until Chicago begins to thaw and I buy my first road bike, my north-side/south-side cross-town commute will continue in my truck (28 mpg's so get off my back hippies). Sometimes I take Lakeshore Drive, especially when we have temperate weather because nothing beats the coastal illusion and energetically dense sky line. Other times I'll just hop on the loop. Independent of route is the comfort and joy I feel during the transition of bitter cold to the warmth of my cab with the vital assistance of my Silk'd up English Breakfast tea and talk radio. Since I absolutely cannot stand music radio, I have adopted four talk radio stations. I begin with 820 AM Progressive Talk to get a boost from my fellow compassionate, social-oriented libs. During commercials I'll switch to AM 560 to get an idea of the conservative talking points for the day. When I get tired of politics I'll go to NPR, but when I get tired of hearing about the biography of the first librarian or genocide in Africa, I'll resort to WGN 720 and listen to Kathy and Judy talk about soccer mom drama.

It's really intriguing to andectdotally identify the differences between progressives and conservatives (P's and C's) on the radio. My observations are as follows:

-While rates of Christianity among both groups parallel at high levels, C's tend to adopt more of a literal interpretation of biblical text that leads back to my earlier accusation regarding Absolute Truth and morality. P's tend to follow the teachings of Jesus (as I know him; a fictional being who epitomized compassion and socialism and liberalism) much more closely. P's are spiritual in their religion where as C's lack the right-brain ability to introspectively gain empathy.

-C's are much more narrow-minded (probably a result of their skewed theocratic following), much more likely to judge others and much more stubborn. P's are tolerant of differences and view all human beings of equal worth.

-C's tend to be self-centered and hold grudges. P's are socially generous. C's are mine mine mine.

-P's believe everyone should have an even playing field prior to developing a capitalist identity. C's believe inborn circumstance is tough-luck.

Perhaps the most startling and sad difference, which leads into the main point of this post, is that conservatives spew unadulterated hegemony.

The other morning I was listening to the conservative John & Cisco on AM 560 interviewing Bill Ayers, the media declared 'domestic terrorist' whom Republicans tried to smear Obama's presidential campaign with a supposed association. Regardless of Bill Ayers' political and philosophical ideals, his responses in this interview were eloquent, intelligent, compassionate and humble. However, the comment he made that motivated this blog was perhaps the single most prevalent saying I have ever heard, at least in terms of national identity.

Listen to the interview and decide for yourself:
Bill Ayers Interview on Chicago Conservative Radio

I'll end on the following:
"I love the ideals (of our country), and we should live up to them. The difference between a Patriot and a Nationalist is a Patriot says let's live up to the ideals of this great country. A Nationalist says our country is great no matter what it does." - Bill Ayers

Kittens Inspired By Kittens Hilarity

2009-02-17T20:21:00.001-06:00

Michele Bachman Crazy Audio

2009-02-17T20:18:00.000-06:00

Dry Sphincter Heaves

2009-02-16T21:14:00.015-06:00

So Ketchup Whore, now known as (nka) KW, nka kDub and I decided to delve into the ancient culinary arts of the country surrounded by "The Ring of Fire." For you ignorant fucks who think that's a country surrounded by a Johnny Cash song, it's not. Before I tell you the results of our creative and daring escapade, let me take this moment to foreshadow through a previous publication:

Sunday, July 15, 2007 (London, UK)

Out of Commission

Tragedy has struck my life. My one true love has betrayed me. She was so lean, bright and beautiful. Her personality was so vibrant, spicy when she wanted to be, yet laid back and soothing when my feelings called for it. Above all else, her sensuality was an irresistible gift from an erotic god, a god who blessed my love with a kiss so salty it stung my loins. My erotic god...*sniff*....has forsaken me. I asked for absolutely nothing in return and loved her with every ounce of my palate. Despite my unwavering devotion, she came back and bit me in the ass. Seriously, almost literally. My almost daily SUSHI fix which I loved dearly, gave me Gastroenteritis. More specifically Salmonella. More specifically severe food poisoning. I'm not going to get into details, but it involves the most painful stomach cramps you can imagine and bowel movements so disturbing you'd think there was a rodent in my intestines chewing away. Oh shit (no pun intended), umm..the whole rodent in my intestines wasn't like a Freudian slip or anything. Ok nevermind. I finally had to venture in pain to the hospital where I was treated by young, beautiful British doctor. My boyhood fantasies of a pornographic doctor's office were dashed when I had to describe my bloody stools...amongst other things. To make a long story only moderately long, I have Salmonella, was prescribed antibiotics and three different painkillers that almost make the experience worth the pain. I'm scared to death to eat the only food that really makes me happy and I'm going to end up losing more than a week experiencing this wonderful city. Therefore, at the VERY LEAST, I will be home a week later now. If anyone is wondering why I took time blogging this story, well I've spent the last several days either reading in severe pain or reading in moderate pain. I'm bored. Well I hope everyone else is doing better than I am! Bye Luvs

ps-my blood test indicated I have perfect liver function. Drink too much my ass!

...the ambiance was a cocoon of warmth floating through a dimension void of time and space. There were no consequences of actions undertaken adjacent to our newly created reality. A therapeutic meditation in color and texture that developed an enlightened understanding of Presence, which led to the transcendence of past experience and future anxiety. An olfactory-induced conscious-coma was conceived from volatilizing organic molecules hitchhiking on internal trade winds; a psychedelic sense of invisible movement nudged from a temperature differential created by a life-saving, ass-warming radiator. This organic movement was perhaps substantiated from the tangibly ethereal motions of our mind-expanding byproduct.

No one could have ever have guessed what would happen next.
Come on.. who would have thunk that preparing a meal in this manner could have resulted in any negative consequences:

The following series of images is an illustrated framing of the tragic circumstances that continue to haunt us to this day:

Reverse Spooning

Uh-oh. What ever is that feeling?

First Round (a)

First Round (b)

Second Round (a)

Second Round (b)

Final Round. Butt Heave Power

Fucking Spent

If you could not already determine from the above photographic series that I had acute gastroenteritis, well, naked sushi + socio-economic debate+intense spanking=DRY SPHINCTER HEAVES*

*Originally coined by kDub during her delayed onset gastroenteritis, "Dry Butt Heaves," and later paraphrased by me.

The physiological effects of food poisoning are commonly misunderstood and it is my duty (haha) to educate my readers. Here's how it goes down...or out...

The citizens in the colon are bacteria -- compassionate, free-thinkers granted permission to live and work and raise their families in your large intestine in a free and open society. They're good, honest, educated people. But sometimes bad bacteria, or Catholics, manage to sneak into your stomach, perhaps hitching a ride on ignorance (or in sushi). The Catholics can prevent the good bacteria from doing the job. They will continue to inundate your colon with ignorance, bigotry and harmful pseudoscience. Unfortunately at this point, the colon can only rid itself of ignorance by flushing everything. It fills itself full of fluid to flush everything out -- bad bacteria, good bacteria, and anything else that might be in the colon, like broken glass. Fucking gross Nick. Accounting writes this off as a loss: diarrhea.

Often times during gastroenteritis, the colon cannot recognize when it is void of 'Catholics,' and it continues to attempt to void itself of ignorance. When this occurs, you can experience painful dry-butt-heaves, or as the medical world dictates, Tenesmus. Tenesmus is characterized by a sensation of needing to pass stool, accompanied by pain, cramping, and straining. Despite straining, little stool is passed (Wiki).

We have to ask ourselves, "Was the therapeutic, meditative, psychedelic evening worth it?"

Um... fuck yes.

Michele Bachman is a Cunt

2009-02-12T13:29:00.009-06:00

...probably not the most eloquent talking point I ever conjured, but that's how strongly I feel.

Melting into my couch in the early afternoon hour, drinking diet coke and eating dark chocolate -because I still have latent experential post-menopausal conditioning - and watching MSNBC, I see a news conference/protest near the Capital building with the mission statement: NoStimulus(.com). A large group (maybe a couple hundred) of all caucasians backdropped an older Republic gentleman (assumed because they all look the same...like black people.. right conservatives?) spouting talking points about taking back our country from our supposed Stalkin-esque controlling government. "We have 400,000 thousand signatures of average Americans who do not think this bill should pass...should not pass because it is B I G G O V E R N M E N T and more frightingly, socialism!"

Ok.. anyone can hold these protests near the Capital, but this group had several US Congressional members as leaders. So this group of so-called 'avg. Americans' is helped in leadership by noneother than M I C H E L E B A C H M A N...! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

I love this picture and here is why.. follow me here. This is a coffee cup with a picture of Michele Bachman rolled up in it -> this either says Bachman is only worthy of being rolled into a dense weapon worthy of beating a poop-happy dog, or is like coffee -> coffee is a stimulant, which in most people produces a laxative effect -> laxatives stimulate the gastrointestinal tract through an increase in rectosigmoid motor activity -> an increase in rectosigmoid motor activity results in uncomfortable, acidic, explosive and watery defecation E R G O Michele Bachman = uncomfortable, acidic, explosive and watery defecation

Remember Michele Bachman? Well she is the Minnesota Republican Congresswoman who stated on Hardball with Chris Matthews that then time presidential candidate Barack Obama and wife Michelle held anti-American views and couldn't be trusted in the White House. More absurdly and McCarthy-incarnate, she even called for the major newspapers of the country to investigate other members of Congress to "find out if they are pro-America or anti-America."

She recently told Fox News in a concerned tone that, "We are running out of rich people in this country," and on the stimulus package, "These are morbidly obese levels of spending." Eloquent Michele. For a second I felt bad about the title of this post. As an aside, the other day I was watching a session of congress where an unnamed Republic congressman was giving a refutation of the stimulus bill. His presentation was a series of visual aids illustrating, for instance, what a trillion dollars would look like if you stacked up $1 bills until you reached the sum. Another was how many times a trillion dollars would wrap around the world if you lined $1 bills end to end. This logical fallacy-laced presentation is a blatantly irreverent display of arrogance and ignorance, an insult to his constituency, the American people as a whole and most importantly, me. What a fucking douche bag. What point was he trying to make? That the funds he OK'd for the illegal invasion and occupation of Iraq - ironically now over a trillion dollars - would not pile up to the moon, but a trillion dollar bailout for working class (fucking hard working, non lazy) individuals would pile to Saturn?? ...... Ugh.... I've gone cross-eyed.

How these people gain power can only be testament to the rampant ignorance and seemingly inherent inability to experience empathy that is still roaming our country. Does it surprise anyone that she is a proponent of Intelligent Design Theory, aka Creationism? Obviously spending a trillion dollars for destroying (Republican for 'Giving Freedom') Iraq is necessary, but a trillion dollars to help out desperate middle-class, lower-class Americans is just, well, anti-American. 'God,' what a cunt.

So 400,000 average Americans have signed this petition to stop the stimulus bill.. I'm willing to bet that not one of the estimated 500,000 people who lost their jobs in January have signed this petition. I wonder what NoStimulus thinks of the current 7.2% unemployment rate. You know, had I been born with a silver spoon reamed deeply up my overly-toned sphincter, I'd sign the petition as well; good thing I wasn't. I bet Michele poops cinnamon-scented blood diamonds. Oh don't even get me started with diamonds.

Well anyway, If you currently have a job you should feel pretty blessed compared to a lot of our countrymen. Not to mention the armless children of Darfur (Jen-girl!)

My Pops has always told me that if you have enough money to take care of your basal needs and if money is your biggest worry, you really don't have any worries. So why don't we create new meanings in our life independent of an unnecessary need for social class aspirations and concentrate on concepts such as love, compassion, family, friends and all the other small stuff that makes life worth holding onto that high-velocity projectile? Trust me people, you do not require Uggs or an Armani pea coat to transcend the existential vacuum.

Questions Posed By My Roomate?

2009-01-07T20:11:00.003-06:00

If you moved to a planet where it was socially acceptable to shit and piss your pants, how long do you think it would take you to adjust?

What if you moved to a planet where instead of hugging or saying hi, people fucked?

Blog Wars: Fighting Jaundiced Journalism

2008-12-09T21:43:00.013-06:00

For those of you who don't know, my roommate shot me an unprovoked request to start a blog war, so I find a quite ironic that when I sent the first attack, I have to hear (see on his shitty blog) his irrational bitching, out-of-context attacks and blatant yellow journalism.

Typically, I don't respond to such unqualified statements regardless of accusatory severity, but this is a special case. I'm relatively new to the blogosphere and I deem it vital to clear my name this one time to send a message to my readers that I will not back down to Ken Ham and Rush Limbaugh wannabes.

Last night my roommate raised a comment and a question for his alter ego, Fartpennies, who I will refer to as Penny from here on out - Canadian penny nonetheless undergoing severe inflation - since that is the relative monetary value of his thoughts. "Jake," Nick said probably because Penny is too much of a pussy to address me in person, "People read my blog because it's fun and makes them happy." The implication is implied. Sorry Penny, if you want a pattycake, cookycutter blog about arts and crafts or celebrities or other reality distracting supplements, go masturbate to BillboardJen or CupofJo or your own Vomit.

I write for myself and if you actually read my blog, you'd know I explicitly stated this in prior posts. I'm not sorry I write about deep, unpleasant topics (only to certain Perez-loving mentalities) that touch on subject matter that most people want to avoid because they'd rather live in a sense of ignorance-is-bliss denial.

Penny followed his comment with the following question: "So you aren't going to respond?" The implication is implied. "Sorry [Penny]." "I'm not a fucking pussy Democrat afraid to throw a little heat. I'm a fucking registered Independent, which means I don't play by whatever rules you live by."

I'm going to arrange my rebuttal in three parts:

#)A verbatim accusation from Penny's blog
Truth) My refutation to the accusation
Duh) State an objectively identified hypocrisy relevant to the accusation

--------------------------------------

1) Self righteous 10 paragraph rants about religion, politics, and other dumb shit.

An use of language/phrases that goes past dickish and right onto being in love with owning a thesaurus.

Truth) If you actually read my blog instead of (Sean) 'cherry-picking quotes' (Hannity),' you'd realize that this self-righteousness you speak of is actually a pragmatic sense of equality. Take this quote for instance, "I might scoff at the absurdity of religion, but I absolutely do not blame you in your practice to overcome the universal fear of nonexistence." When did it become self-righteous to form an opinion, but acknowledge the validity of the other side as well? As far as my vocabulary, there is an important difference between, "being in love with owning a thesaurus," and the truth. See my thesaurus is in my fucking head and I'm proud of my extensive vocabulary imparted from years of reading. When discussing in a philosophical or scientific context, large words are imperative because as I have stated previously, linguistics are frequently being misinterpreted. Therefore, complex (only to certain Perez-loving mentalities) words are necessary to define as specific meaning as possible as to avoid further ambiguity. However, I mostly use large words as a platform for humor because it's funny to use words such as paradoxicist, which if you were at all well-read you'd realize this didn't come from a thesaurus, but was completely made-up by yours truly, then talk about your (Penny) fuck-pot erection.

Duh) Penny you say I'm self-righteous, but look at this piece of hate (literally) - filled rhetoric taken from your blog. "I've decided that I really don't like most people."

"...and other dumb shit," you say. Is it dumb to touch on the very nature of reality? Or, is it dumb to post about such topics as Showerbation? I'm not going to answer this question because dumb is an arbitrary meaning humans attach to experience, but I will let my readers decide for themselves.

----------------------------------------

2) I'm sure he'll knock the fact that I believe capitalism is a good thing.

Truth) Come on Penny, don't insult me, my readers AND your readers with your assumptive logical fallacies. Didn't Steven Segal ever teach you anything in Under Siege 2: Dark Territory starring Steven Segal when Steven Segal says, "Assumptions are the mother's of all fuck-ups? Since, according to your assumption, I never said this, I'm not going to specifically refute it.

Duh) Duh will come with Penny's attack on my profession

----------------------------------------

3) I happen to know what that shit for brains does for his own job...cleans up pollution caused by companies/governments/etc. You can tell tell that he thinks his shit doesn't stink because he's "helping the world" or some bullshit. Let me ask you this, when a company pollutes the groundwater somewhere and there is a public outcry what are the choices? By continually cleaning up after these messes your allowing the very companies you rail against to continue doing what they've done previously.

Truth) Anyone who is close to me knows that I continually stress that I am NOT an environmentalist, but work for a very business-oriented, profit-driven company that provides various environmental services. Do I have a sense of elitism over say investment bankers in terms of environmental altruism and human secularism? Absolutely. I know unequivocally that what I do has more of a direct positive effect and I do feel a sense of pride when making critical decisions that result in increasing amounts of diesel fuel being removed from the Chicago River.

Duh) Penny, your oversimplification about somehow being responsible in perpetuating poor management of production, which results in continued pollution is just hilarious. I'm not a fucking Sierra Club Dbag. I simply provide a service that is in-demand because of environmental law. Remember your love for capitalism? Good or bad, it is capitalism that allows these companies to continue their most cost-effective approach in reducing environmental impact, regardless of long-term detriment.

If you want to blame someone, blame legislatures for our lackadaisical environmental regulations. Guess what though Penny? Guess what happens when you over-regulate? See when you continue to penalize companies for environmental related issues, they lose profits and in poor economic times such as these, they go insolvent. (I know you have issues with big words... insolvent is an inability to pay debts, but guess what? I'm not going to act like you and claim expertise from the arm-chair. I know you are in financial services so you probably know all about insolvency).

So let's say the EPA continues to penalize an irresponsible mine for discharging heavy metals into a river. The mine can't afford to pay these fines, goes insolvent, becomes abandoned and turns into a Superfund site. A Superfund site is typically an area of severe pollution that has been abandoned and is no longer claimed by any party. I also clean these sites Penny. See this is where Environmental Pragmatism, NOT just Environmental(ISM) comes into play. To somehow claim that the services I offer lead to continued pollution is another example of your fetish for logical fallacies that you presumably Showerbate to in your screamingly loud manner.

SUPERFUND SITE

via Penny

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I could go on for days, but I need to do some work. (I'm working from home today biatches.. eat it! Actually it's not all it's cracked up to be. I'll probably do about 10 hrs of work, but only charge 7.5 because my productivity at home is inversely proportional to Penny's masturbatory decibel-level.

4) I don't dislike consumerism. However, my roommate is ready to go purchase a $40 winter hat from Urban Outfitters because it has a picture of a donkey fucking on it. A waste of money, not to mention totally classless.

Truth) Penny you don't dislike consumerism, but you just chose not to get involved? (And NICK, I told you about the fucking reindeer hat in confidence...dick..) Ok the $40 winter hat was actually kind of a response to Penny purchasing a $10 ugly sweater. I justified buying this hat with the following points:

Duh)

1) It makes much more sense for me to purchase an ugly (I love what most people view as ugly) $40 hat and wear it almost everyday this winter and perhaps next than for Penny to purchase a $10 sweater and only wear it once. Using his logic, our respective knit apparel is worth $10/use. Therefore, if I wear my hat 90 days this winter.

90 days x $10/use x 1 use/day = $900. $40 initial price - $900 Penny Logic = -$860. Urban

Outfitters is actually going to pay me $860 to wear a knit moose-humping hat this winter.

2) I consider myself a minimalist. I don't own a tv. I don't own a computer (I do have a work computer) I don't own a stereo.. dvd player.. In fact, the State Farm lady was pushing renter's insurance on me yesterday and I told her what my possessions were. She agreed it wasn't necessary. She's in sales and basically said she wasn't going to sell me insurance because I had nothing worth insuring. GREAT feeling. So I like to spend my money on travel, food and if I want to buy a perceived ugly hat for $40, well I damn well will and will have no guilt. Not only will it protect my head from the cold, but I'm also pumping money into our struggling economy.

I think I will buy it out of spite now. Please comment on whether I should buy it or not and remember, the more you say it's ugly and I shouldn't, the more I will want to buy it. Let the psychological war begin

What are you pumping into our economy Penny?

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I want to state for the record that I love this guy:

Nick is a great roommate, we share many of the same views and get along quite well. Nick if you really did have a dog Jake (like most people do), even though I have no evidence to indicate this, I'm sure he is somewhere humping away in the spiritual dog-ether.

Fartpenny, on the other hand, well, you judge for yourself:

Penny I am done warring with you. Life is too short for Perez-Hilton type drama. I... (this is hard for me).... I... I... love you

Odds & Ends & Breakfast Chili & Self-Inflicted Sore Throats & Sabbath Tequila & Perpetual Snot Drip.... oh and the...

2008-12-08T21:07:00.011-06:00

Perceived Genetic Predisposition within the Construct of Patterned Social Recognition

Que cryptic sequiturs...

Why is it taboo to allow snot that comes out your nose to enter your mouth, yet no one blinks an eye at the volumes of mucous that is swallowed through post-nasal drip? Just curious. Do you think the farmer's blow is underrated? If you do not utilize the farmer's blow, you are destroying the environment! In fact, there is a strong correlation between tissue use and your responsibility in causing 911, just like smoking grass supports terrorism. Free Cuervo must never be turned down, even on Sunday. You are not considered gay for getting a blue curacao margarita, Jen! You are not considered straight for getting a liter Bud heavy. Breakfast chili after a weekend of Sex Jello is never a good idea. Is it just me or is it that every time someone is sick it is "going around?" When is it not going around?

There was a veritable orgy of Fart's Spooge at the Cellar (synonymous w/ 1040 w. school coined by JM and Fart) this last weekend.

via Fartpennies (arguably worst blog in blogosphere)

Much to the chagrin of Fart, I suggested that we have a monthly Sex Jello social gathering. Not that anyone can even think of consuming any more Bill Cosby's, but why not create a little tradition amongst friends? He's still pissed off that every time we have guests I somehow manage to avoid the dank (cellar) until he can't stand the (probably mostly his anyway) filth and ends up cleaning solo. Just fucking great. I have another whiny ultra-liberal corrupt insurance selling roommate. That is what you do, right Fart? You sell insurance for expensive umbrellas? Nice job. Way to give back to society. Fart always goes on these nonsensical rants about the evils of mass consumerism, yet, I'm pretty sure insurance is considered to be within the financial services industry. Fart I think you’ve been consuming too much of your own (1:1 water:vodka) Spooge. Just great. If it’s not narcissistic hegeministic neocons, it’s ultra-liberal paradoxicists. Blatant hypocrisy aside, I’ve uncovered concrete evidence illustrating Fart’s hatred for old people. It’s NOT a slippery slope to conclude Fart also hates children, especially babies, and most likely Jews as well. He also masturbates absurdly loud and his favorite self-love, love-nest is the living room. If you don’t believe me ask him for yourself. And… the kicker…!!

The other night I was having a drink on the cellar couch when I got the urge to check the B-sphere. Unfortunately my computer was not within my critical radius (the area in which something is reachable without getting up), but oh, there was Fart’s computer. So unassuming me, whistling and drinking without an apparent care in the world, opens his computer and discovered it is pass protected. “Fart! (Fart is actually only Fart’s cyber name) What’s your password?” Fart was in the kitch preparing something presumably awful. “Jake!” Fart replied over the superfluous noise created by someone obviously trying to get attention. “What?!” Pre-innocence. “Jake. My password is Jake.” Post-innocence. Now the actual elapsed time is much greater than the time the following thought took to evolve, but this type of situation transcends the concept of physical time.

The moment of flattery that never really existed with Fart using my name as his computer password was shattered by the matter-of-factness tone of his voice when saying my name. Had he said, “Jake,” then laughed, it would have been awkward, but somewhat humorous as Fart tends to be. Horrifyingly, he just said it straight-faced and monotone as he continued to preoccupy himself with unnecessary clanging and presumably rub his Ted Kaczynski-esque fuck-pot erection against the counter to the thought of ‘Jake," (me).

Before absolute fright set in, I decided to input jake into the password box to see if he was messin around. He’s known to mess around. j… a… k… e… … *ACCESS DENIED* The sense of relief I felt can only be described as forgetting to buy milk for your cereal then discovering you have JUST enough. So my roomy wasn't insane after all. “Wait...” I told myself in a cynical tone. ‘J’… a… k… e… *ACCESS GRANTED* NOOOOOOOOO!!! Holy Jebus I’m living with a homosexual serial killer. (Like he is the homosexual, but not biased in whom he kills. Not I’m the homosexual and he only kills gay people. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Gay people. Not killing gay people. Ugh..nevermind). I began to hyperventilate and was suddenly ass-present.

Ass-present, v. The sudden physical awareness of any possible anal discomfort due to night sexcounters by a crazy roommate utilizing the likes of black-market anesthesia and Sex Jello to fulfill his debaucherous fantasies.

You know it was a pretty rough weekend. My roommate is as nutty as his blog is shitty. My girlfriend cares more about lycopene than me. It’s not even like she has a freakin prostate. Fart’s Spooge left a horrible taste in everyone’s mouth and I’m pretty sure despite my urging of monthly jello socials, I’m abstaining from them for the foreseeable future. I didn’t get any sleep yet again and the Cubs lost. *sigh* Well if they would have played I’m pretty sure they would have lost. Despite all this, it was actually a great weekend, it’s business as usual and per the norm, I’m all smiles.

Perceived Genetic Predisposition within the Construct of Patterned Social Recognition

I have become increasingly interested in the influence of pre-adolescent mental conditioning, specifically how consistent methods of parenting through multiple generations of the same family often manifest apparent inherited characteristics in offspring. My hypothesis is the majority of basic mental states, or deficiencies, are actually ingrained through certain techniques of socialization. What we view as genetic predisposition, in terms of mental state, through familial relation is actually the result of perpetuated parenting styles and not genetic make-up.

What is a genetic predisposition anyway? Basically it is any genetic (inherent) effect that influences our development, biochemical and physiological characteristics. The amazing aspect that the school of genetics concludes is that genetic predisposition can be changed by environmental factors. With that said, I'm halfway to corroborating my thesis already, but the next hurdle is determining strength of influence with respective, compounding generational parenting styles.

Basically it boils down to the nature v nurture quagmire, but if my claim proves true, the implications would be radical in our approach to overcome so-called mental limitations. I doubt I'll be applying for any grants in the hopes of conducting a decade long study, but I will continue to research the topic and hopefully come up with a circumstantial conclusion. I'm soliciting the help of my cousin who is currently studying for her Master's degree in alternative medicine (I think. Something like that). She is writing a paper on the components of western socialization, which she claims is the installation of one fear after another into children. I have not read her paper, but it's not only relevant to my study, it's also incredibly thought provoking. I'm hoping she will allow me to post excerpts or all of the paper upon completion.

From an anecdotal standpoint, I think it's important to acknowledge the malleability of our mind and body. We are not carved from stone.

In Water Writ

In light of the philosophical melodrama of most of my blog posts, I present a dumbed-down manifesto regarding piss and sex jello.

2008-12-03T19:13:00.007-06:00

So I’m in my junior year of college (1st junior year that is) and have this crush on an acquaintance of a good friend. At the time, I considered the girl in question to be quite attractive with her smooth, slender body and soft, cute features. What she lacked in size she made up in party-ability though. The moral of liking this chick is perhaps the fine line between free-spirit and sloppy drunk. I could not for the life of me figure out why no one else was after this girl, who we will call Betty from here on out. I’m guessing it had something to do with:

1) Most people knew the true nature of Betty, which I had not yet determined, and
2) I was blinded by my underachieving drunken apathy

Betty and I never dated; in fact we barely even made-out a couple of times. I never confessed my feelings, but I’m pretty sure she knew my interest. Mostly we just drank with mutual friends until Betty invariably got to the point where she would:

A) Get kicked out of a bar for ethanol-induced epileptic-like dance moves that would result in a meeting with the floor
B) Punch a bouncer then the subsequent ejection
C) Walk home with some random guy then the subsequent ejaculation, and
D) Take me home and then the subsequent urino-flatulation

Betty was especially whorish toward me during a particular evening. We were all hanging out at our favorite Mexican Resto/Smoke-Free Dive Bar and of course drinking Boulevard and taking copious amounts of shots because not only were we drunks back then, but the bartenders knew us quite well and gave us ‘discounted rates.’ At this point in my relationship with Betty I was beginning to see her wild side and was losing interest in proportion to her drunken antics. Who am I to judge though? (=young and horny).

Betty and I were pretty fucked up as I was lassoing her steer-like dance movements. Just prior to the inevitable ejection, I managed to hog-tie her gaunt body (resulting from an eating disorder) and walk her home. I was pumped because there was NO WAY I wasn’t going to get laid… right? We’re walking home and as Betty swerves one way; I swerve the other way so if a cop sees us, through an optical illusion it will appear as if we are walking in a straight line (probably similar logic I used in my apparent attraction to Betty). So after two blocks Betty decides she needs to find an alley bathroom. With no regard for decency, she pigeon-toe squats and yanks up her slut-esque skirt revealing her panty-free outfit. Holy high-pressure urethral action… she’s going strong until the gravitational force overcomes her force of static friction against the brick wall and SPLASH!! Ass and skirt in a puddle of watered down piss. Classy.. My respect for her had long disappeared; my respect for myself was dwindling fast. I at least had to make sure she made it home safe though.

We got her home and she told me to lie on her bed. Hmm… sex with pee-butt or self-respect? Betty decided to bathe so I decided it might not be a bad idea to hold my self-respect hostage. As Betty laid her now fresh scented body into bed with me, she almost immediately small-spooned me and passed out. I rolled over on my back and put my hands behind my head as if to relieve some of the self-loathing that stemmed from ever bothering with this girl.

It didn’t even faze me that Betty’s ass was exposed as if telling my leg of the horror to come. As I’m consciously zoned-out, Betty’s ass suddenly (and not all that unexpectedly) blew its top in a raucous, disturbingly shrill, sustained fart. Then, as if my leg and olfactory senses hadn’t had enough, almost exactly in queue behind Betty’s noxious release, she started pissing all over my leg.

“Well Jake,” I told myself aloud, “live and learn buddy.” As I walked home in a thankful dejection, a now partially frozen right leg and a destroyed sex-drive, I realized this was where the rocks fell and I could only go up from here. I approached the dumpster in front of my apartment building and parted with my pants not because I was disgusted, but rather I was being reborn and parting with my old ways. I slowly walked into my building fully clothed and shoed save for my pants. With cold, naked legs, I held my head up high and entered the threshold a new man.

It’s disturbing, but probably funnier to think about all the times I’ve been pissed on. Like the time I woke up in my bed soaking wet being spooned by my muscle-bound, red-headed-ogre of a friend (who was fucking naked by the way..). The next day of his visit I told him under NO CIRCUMSTANCES is he to sleep in my bed. So I arise bright eyed Sunday morning to find the genitals of the red beast stairing deep into my eyes from the floor as that is where hepassed out wearing nothing, but MY winter coat, bordered by a shadow, only it wasn’t a shadow, it was…you guessed it… another god damn piss stain. It’s not a coincidence that this is the same friend who woke up in jail naked after his birthday. Then there was the time I passed out in the middle of my two friends (in my bed again!) and we woke up severely saturated. We reviewed each other’s boxer briefs and it was determined that they BOTH pissed. Then there was the time one of the same friends puked all over my Surficial Hydrology notes, which I continued to use the rest of the year after they dried. I couldn’t really get mad at him though because a while back I had decided to neatly break an estimated twenty beer bottles on his floor because, “he didn’t say I couldn’t.”

Why is this at all relevant? Well it’s not really, but the fact that my roommate decided to, and I quote, “Make 200 jello shots this Saturday,” possibly led to the retrieval of those respective lottery balls. On second thought it is extremely relevant. I invested in a new bed after finally giving up the Piss Bed (coined thanks to my friends overzealous consumption), which I was possibly conceived on. This amazing sleeping apparatus was not cheap!

My orgasmic pillow top bed has an accompanying magical comforter that has an overall symbiotic effect that can probably only be described by the comfort of an un-aborted fetus lying in a womb, or maybe a care-free sleeping kitten. (Did you know sometimes when I'm feeling down I google image search kittens. What?! I don't care what you think. THey're cute.)

I wake up every morning and carefully make her, talk to her in a comforting tone and reassure her that I’ll be home soon. If anyone ever pisses on her…. Oh man I will be so pissed.

Ok back to my roommate. We’ll call my roommate Fart Pennies to protect his anonymity. Fart Pennies’ jello shots are a legend on the north side of Chicago. His jello shots are also known as Fart’s Spooge, Bill Cosby’s, Drunk Snot, Fuck Butter and my personal favorite, Sex Jello. It’s rumored that anyone who consumes Fart Pennies’ Bill Cosby’s will get laid. Below is an image of my London roomate and current Chicago friend, that Jen-girl after she consumed several ounces of Fart's Spooge.

Unfortunately, statistical analyses have already been corrupted by biased methodologies. Regardless of the efficacy behind Fart’s Fuck Butter and sexual encounters, I’m confident that my little Ketchup Whore and I can put a check in the yes column.

So here’s to a piss-free north-side, good roommates, good friends, Fart’s Spooge and beautiful girls who have mashed tomato fetishes.

Jake's Science Theatre 2000 - 1st Installment

2008-11-30T19:31:00.004-06:00

If you look on your life at this moment through the eyes of the person you were in a former time, what happens? Do you feel intense gratification and astonishment for experience never thought possible; or, do you feel a foreboding sense of urgency and guilt? Inexplicable situations flash at us more than we will ever know; relentlessly traced by perception’s arrow, haunting us with a Freudian-like regret. This unpreventable aspect of time, which unites us with perceived failure and achievement, tragedy and miracle, exemplifies an often overlooked boundary to our lives. Perhaps a gentle repression is all that we seek.

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Hitchhiking is a common practice in the remote maritime regions of Acadia. More often than not, the seeker is elderly and alone in more respects than just their isolated presence on the road. They tend to haunt the pavement, only manifesting to individuals of belief. Not helping their cause is the illusory sense of floating along the road created by the transfer of energy from my tires to my now deceitful eyes. People in this land are generally sympathetic to the needs of these outsiders, but overlooking is still common practice and reflects more of a desire to avoid inconvenience rather than a lack of trust. Once you see the setting and individual for yourself, it is not a difficult task to divest these previously engrained defense mechanisms. As this came to be, I allowed myself to see through the ghost and identify the old man.

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It has been cold and rainy the last few weeks, yet the highway continues to plague the old man who wears his red flannel and blue workpants regardless of weather conditions. Every time I pass him, his thumb comes out and I catch a glimpse of his grey hair and worn skin. As our relationship dictates, my volume remains unchanged, he continues dispassionately down the road. I have never actually seen him picked up, but with the frequency our path’s cross, I have to believe that not only do the locals help this guy out, but he is also one of those elusive characters every community seems to have. However, where this might benefit such a character by providing a sense of identity and subsequent charity, the old man is only unique to my perception. The reality is I see hitchhikers every day up here. It is a way of life for many locals who have no family and live completely off of government welfare – routine. Yet, where He is one of many, the old man is a singular embodiment of surrendering to life in order to reclaim a sense of freedom from perception.

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As is typical of my post-workout mentality, I stepped out of the gym and cut through the depressed maritime fall with a climactic sense of clarity. Nothing much bothers me in the time adjacent to this feeling, which was perhaps the spark that prompted my meeting with the old man. Like so many times before, it started as blurred redness in the distance and, as it came into focus, I could make out the slight crowning of a head eclipsed by a disproportionately slouched back. You could say my judgment for the apparition increased with our closing distance; I could now attach a fictitious story to the elusive character. Like so many times before, as I approached, the man indicated he would like a ride, I indicated ignorance. Only this time, possibly attributed to my increased levels of dopamine, I slammed on the breaks, pulled over and waited. In my mirror I could see this hunched figure half attempting to run the stiffness out of his obviously worn body. Unfortunately, it was such an unnatural movement – obviously stemming from gratitude - that I could not dissuade a sense of superiority over him.

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The old man climbed in the jeep and thanked me in his out-of-breath French. The contrast he introduced was frightening and did not just result from our physical inconsistencies. It certainly did not help how his sack of apples and three homemade cigarettes sticking out of his shirt pocket stacked up against my ipod, blackberry, running shoes and protein shake. However, it was the implied stories behind his sack of apples and say, my blackberry that presented the disconcerting differences. I felt ashamed, arrogant and gratuitous. He felt tired, relinquished, but thankful for the ride. “Je na parle pa France.” This extent of my second language indicated to the man that I would not understand him from this point forward. Without taking his glassy eyes off the windshield, he pointed in a general direction; I continued without further inquiry....

til next boring time

Are you as smart as a the dumb kid?

2008-11-17T18:26:00.005-06:00

...probably not.

Check out this article written by famed war correspondent Chris Hedges. Remember, just because you have some placard from an educational institution citing some academic achievement does not mean you are exempt for the Other America. In fact, disappointingly enough, I know many of you in this category.

The other America, which constitutes the majority, exists in a non-reality-based belief system. This America, dependent on skillfully manipulated images for information, has severed itself from the literate, print-based culture. It cannot differentiate between lies and truth.

Military Falsely Accuses Consultant of Treason

2008-11-16T12:26:00.007-06:00

by Rod Bulger

The US Air Force has confirmed reports that one of its southern bases improperly detained a contractor during a routine visit. Military spokesperson, Captain Gina Steelfagina, reported that an environmental consultant contracted by the US Government to perform energy related audits at several of its military facilities in the southeast, was forcibly taken into custody and held without due process for minutes, perhaps even fifteen minutes. Capt. Steelfagina cited a lost camera in a highly classified area as the primary reason for the contractor’s detention. “The military admits full responsibility for the extraneous actions taken by some of its members, but this was a proportionate response in accordance with the Patriot Act,” cites Capt. Steelfagina. When asked to reference specific sections of the Patriot Act that allowed the military to respond in this regard, the Capt. stated, “There is only one section of the Patriot Act. You know, the section that grants us dick power, and I’m not talking Cheney.”

Initial attempts to contact the involved party were not successful. However, the Sun City News Team did receive a return call from the same number. Due to FCC restrictions, the conversation cannot be repeated. What we can tell you is that some of the words included: fecal, fascists, I’m, conspiracy, matter, horny, dude, lawsuit and monkey-shit. However, additional attempts were successful and our own Karen Blondielegsdon’tclose was granted an exclusive interview. Here is a preview:

Karen Blondielegsdon’tclose: Jacko Hart, an environmental consultant from a windy Midwest city, was detained, searched and held without as little as a phone call by the US Military for what he has described as twelve minutes of hell. We’re pleased to have with us today Mr. Hart. Mr. Hart, welcome.

Mr. Hart: Thank you, it’s a pleasure to be here.........please close your legs.

Ms. Blondielegsdon’tclose: Hehe, sorry they do that sometimes. Mr. Hart, I know that due to ongoing litigation, you have limits on what you can divulge, but can you describe the incident of November 13, 2008, as you saw it?

Mr. Hart: Well I was down here (Florida) to perform various functions of energy management on several military installations to make recommendations to the US Government in the hopes of cutting energy related costs. Upon entering the room in question - which can only be described as similar to those Hollywood military com’s rooms like that in Under Siege 2: Dark Territory starring Steven Segal - the personnel had to cease operations and turn on screen savers that I found a bit disjointed from known military protocol.

So it was during this routine walkthrough of one of the rather more sensitive rooms, my camera, which had been utilized to document areas of needed improvement, fell through a previously unidentified hole in my bag.

Upon exiting the com’s room and entering a less secure administration area, I discovered that my camera was no longer on my person. I decided to retrace my steps and made my way back to the armed guard securing the highly sensitive area. I politely told the guard who was brandishing an M-16 A2 service rifle and a leg-strapped M9 semi-automatic service pistol that I had inadvertently left my camera in the com’s room. Without acknowledging me, the guard spoke inaudibly into an unseen radio device resulting in electronic locks slamming shut on several doors, a red alarm starting to flash and brusquely escorted me into a windowless room with a six-inch steel door.

Ms. Blondielegsdon’tclose: This is the beginning of what Mr. Hart calls his personal hell. For the next five, perhaps even up to twelve minutes, Mr. Hart was detained without explanation.

Mr. Hart: The military claims they held me for five minutes before clarifying the situation, but I know how to tell time in a windowless cell without a watch or cell phone and it was at least twelve minutes. Twelve minutes I will never get back. Twelve minutes I won’t be able to watch mind-numbingly poor acting on extended basic cable or twelve minutes I often used to make love to my Turkey Template or twelve minutes to clear my bowels in the morning. Basically, the military is saying, “That’s fine. We don’t mind if Mr. Hart poops his pants tomorrow after his coffee.” Had it not been for the seven minute discrepancy, I would not have pursued legal recourse.

Ms. Blondielegsdon’tclose: Don’t you think the military acted within its rights to protect information that is ultimately used to serve your wellbeing?

Mr. Hart: Look, my checkered history with the military goes back a long way. Like the time they told me to lie then kicked me out for lying. They’re dicks. Let me clarify though. I initially joined the military for my intense respect I have for veterans; however, that doesn’t mean they aren’t dicks. Yet we have to ask ourselves, do we want pussies protecting us? Hell no! So keep on stickin it to the world, dicks, and keep us safe. Good on you guys. I must also say that it seems our dicks have been pumped up by testosterone-infused imperialism the last few years, so hopefully with a new sheriff in town, we can drain some of the blind power. Unfortunately, since our new sheriff is black, our dicks will probably be bigger and more powerful than ever.

Ms. Blondielegsdon’tclose: So you admit that the military is and has to be a big dick in order to protect us; yet, if they’re a dick to you, it is unacceptable?

Mr. Hart: No. This is a fight of principle; a war of attrition if you will. The military has lied to me personally on several occasions and all I want is the admission of the seven minute discrepancy.

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To catch the full interview, tune in to our melodramatic news cast, full of plastic hair and bleached teeth, tonight at 7pm.

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Since we initially brought you the story of Jacko Hart, the government contractor detained and falsely accused of treason by the US military, many events have transpired and it seems civilian life has returned to normal for Mr. Hart; at least for now. We caught up with Jacko as he lounged on one of the many white-sand, turquoise water beaches along the gulf coast.

Mr. Hart: As you can see life is pretty good at the moment.

*Crappy local news montage of Mr. Hart performing various activities with an overlain melodramatic voiceover*

Life has appeared to normalize for Mr. Hart since his time spent in what he refers to as his 12-minute-nightmare.

“See that woman right there?” Mr. Hart referring to the good looking middle-aged black woman lounging up the beach. “She totally came up to me after my run and started making conversation. “I’m pretty sure it’s a Stella and Her Groove Getting Back kind of thing, but frankly, I deserve a black chick.”

Since the incident, Mr. Hart has spent much of his time running and lounging on the beach. The military finally admitted to the ‘lost minutes’ of the detention and as reparations, allowed Mr. Hart to view the Blue Angels from a restricted area. When asked what he will do now:

“It has not been an easy recovery. The events of last week have led me to consume large amounts of Cabernet Sauvignon and Pinot Noir. As of now, I’m just trying to forget. I’ve traveled so much this year; I think it’s time for home. It’s paradise down here, but I miss my brisk, windy city.”

For this lonely soul, it appears cold has never looked so warm.

Religion as Art

2008-11-11T19:57:00.004-06:00

In my seemingly hopeless crusade to understand who I am, who you are and the countless emotions we evoke within one another, I have arrived at a concrete conclusion. Regardless of whether we are a random collection of molecules or the spawn of a Divine entity, what we perceive as love, contentment, perhaps moments of happiness through infatuation or a sense of hope during moments of despair, are what we all gravitate towards, what we all deserve and what we are all entitled to. That is why when Prop 8 in California passed, hope for our happiness, diluted in a present so saturated in bigotry and ignorance, dissolved that much more.

It's just so amazing to me that an organization that calls itself The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints would devote countless man hours and millions of dollars to prevent the happiness of a single people. The Mormons and other advocates of Prop 8 - under the guise of One Man, One Woman, cite unfounded studies and subjectively interpreted church doctrine to claim homosexual families will undermine cultural heritage and corrupt the foundation of our society. I don't care if you think homosexuality is written in our genetic code or the blasphemous choices heretics, no one has the right to vote against the happiness of anyone. I don't even care if homosexuality was proven to be indirectly detrimental to our culture - it won't, it can't - as long as the actions do not involve the direct harm of others, we should encourage circumstance to promote contentment of ALL peoples.

I find it quite liberating that a twenty-six year old straight man from the land
of God and corn could become an advocate for gay rights. I know my sexuality
was questioned in the now infamous EasyCheese/Nipple-4 Scandal, but
that doesn't bother me and feel free to think what you want.

What drives such blatant hatred for one people? We have seen this so much in the past that it's almost becoming cliche, and what has been the end result of the majority of these situations at least in American history? Well, look at the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's and 70's. Um...we got a black prez! Guess the logical end to the Gay Rights Movement. Um..homosexual marriage. The root cause of this new form of racism is identical to the old form of racism: Fear (after all, fear is the path to the dark side). Fear of change, diversity, progression; arrogance and ego. The Mormons and the other pros of Prop 8 can be described as nothing other than ignorant, whiny children. I have heard countless anecdotes from my mother, father and sister - all elementary school teachers - telling their pupils the virtues of worrying only about thy self.

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One of my philosophical aides has been the injection of ink into the second layer of my skin, or dermis, resulting in now semi-permanent body art. People tend to make a bigger deal of tattoos than they actually are and the primary reason for my body art is a meditation of mortality. An acknowledgement that I am literally a rotting corpse and not special in any sense of the word. The following quote from Chuck Palahniuk sums up the feeling, "You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, and we are all part of the same compost pile." Harboring the feeling of my universally generic nature not only creates a sense of urgency to experience, but helps me transcend my ego, value my happiness all that much more, and in turn, truly feel for the happiness of others.

My tattoos are for my own metaphysical liberation. People often ask me for the meaning behind presumably what they view as gaudy body art. I often attempted to muster through an explanation that diminished the strength of these reminders of my relatively imminent demise. Even if my descriptions are clear and concise, they are just words - arbitrary noises assigned to articulate the human experience. Linguistics are frequently misinterpreted, as are my explanations, which often make light of the infinite number of events that have resulted in my current philosophies. These stories I mutter at your request are never not subjectified. They are as much art as the art itself.

Religion can be held in the same light. In the countless world religions, faiths, creation stories, doctrines and laws, there lies intrinsic subjectivity. Bible verses and church sermons get lost in linguistic madness, individual views change to accompany newly discovered inter and intra-faith hypocrisies and metaphysical resignation often occurs at the onset of quality education.

Religion as art is the most compassionate and least paradoxical form of spiritual practice. Any other method runs the all too documented risk of bigotry stemming from ignorance and fear. Movements such as the overtly discriminatory Prop 8, cite Divine doctrine as justification for hatred. I urge all peoples of faith to worship in a metaphorical subtext and take doctrine with a grain of salt.

Look, I will be the first to admit that our shared human experience is far from easy, and if you lack the existential ability to find meaning in struggle, you often resort to faith. I might scoff at the absurdity of religion, but I absolutely do not blame you in your practice to overcome the universal fear of nonexistence. I have just one request: Religion as art.

EVERYONE IN CHICAGO IS GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING SEX TO DEMOCRACY! GOOD FOR THEM.

2008-11-04T22:42:00.000-06:00

GOOD FOR ME!

Amidst all the skin and brain eating, we forgot about love

2008-10-27T18:46:00.009-05:00

*FYI. i've been really busy lately and wrote this post a week ago,. but never really finished it....thought it should go up before tomorrow*

When I started writing to you, I really did not intend for my blog to be a platform for free-thinking, intelligent, creative (awesome, Pulitzer worthy..whatever) rants about politics and the dangers of religion. I honestly figured I'd just provide re-creations of my debaucherous encounters with syphillic biker chicks, but it is what it is and I write what's in my noggin. With that said, I would like to present you a brief social commentary influenced from navigating the underground networks. I've heard people say that they would rather have an old war veteran and a hockey mom in presidential office than two lawyers any day. *Expletive, expletive, really?! Expletive expletive perpetuation of ignorance.....EXPLETIVE!!*

There is a young woman who has been a friend of mine for the last decade. Her book-smarts have always intimidated me, but have driven me to reevaluate how I approach my own intelligence and educational motivation. As an aside, in high school she use to wear these tight black pants that would magnificently accentuate her ass - accompanied by these amazingly large eyes that are positioned in such a way as to personify beauty and stress an unadulterated kindness - that would often leave me asphyxiated in my pubescent fantasies. My lovely, generous friend has devoted her professional career to a nonprofit educational organization, soliciting funds to advance her cause and education in general. We were having a conscientious conversation - it's impossible not to with her - and she went on her logical rant of why it is so important to donate to educational causes more so than other worthy causes. Since we are both intelligent, rational and not of the journalistic credibility as say, World Net Daily, we were both under the implied understanding that she was not saying don't still adopt the starving African children. Her point was that promoting education is akin to fighting the disease (of humanity) - ignorance. Donating to starving children, the Red Cross or even cancer research, while still very important and worthy causes, is fighting a symptom and will not yield the same benefits over a long enough timeline.

Acceptance, Understanding, Equality ->

Indifference, Intolerance, Injustice ->

Acceptance, Understanding, Equality

I am in danger of becoming a radical in the fight against ignorance. No, I am NOT preaching of the benefits of becoming a far-leftwing sensitive nut job. What would I possibly do without my political incorrectness? I AM, however, speaking of making judgments based on reason. The pardoxical aspect of our intolerance is that we are actually born with an innate sense of Acceptance, Understanding and Equality.

If you think about it, we don’t really have a choice; our survival depends on our open mind. You will never see a consciously racist baby born from a mother and refuses to have anything to do with her based on her race. Our Indifference, Intolerance and Injustice is learned through our indoctrination into society, amongst other ideals and idiosyncrasies. This explains why we often become a mirror image of our parents, perpetuating the same tactics modeled for us from years of conditioning. Generally speaking, do you subscribe to the same politics as your parents; are you of the same faith; do you have the same biases; are you of analogous education?

Therein lies the fundamental problem in navigating to the end of the above paradigm. In order to overcome learned bias and perpetuated ignorance, which we all have regardless of relative societal influence, we are required to transcend our subjectivity through perspective. Circumstance often dictates the extent to which we achieve this objectivity, but ultimately it is your responsibility. That brings us to Ignorance vs. the Ignorant. You often hear the argument from tolerance saying, “Well it’s not their fault. They don’t know any better.” Well I’m here to say that at some point you have to blame the Ignorant and it’s time for some tough love.

*incomplete. missing information and motivation*
Level of education does not always correlate with intelligence or lack of stupidity; however, it does generally correlate to a greater understanding of logical arguments, tolerance and rational behavior. In most instances, level of education can be correlated to intelligence - in terms of critical thinking - using a logarithmic scale.

Education Level - Intelligence Level
High School Diploma.................1
Bachelor's Degree....................10
Master's Degree.....................100
Doctorate...............................1000

As reality indicates, there are always going to be aberrations to the rule and this model is no exception. I had someone tell me the more education they received, the more racist they became. Obviously we need to disregard certain subjects if the above model is to survive, as well as the educated idiot or the pretentious PhD that has become detrimentally single-minded. However, if I am to confidently pick a leader that is not only going to represent me in the world, but hold our collective future in their hand more so than any other person on earth, I want their intelligence level to be between 100-500. I guess you have to make up your own mind, but let's see if this comparison helps (via Pharyngula).

Barack Obama:
Columbia University - B.A.Political Science with a Specialization in International Relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude

Joseph Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in History and B.A. in Political Science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)

VS

John McCain:
United States Naval Academy - Class rank: 894 of 899

Sarah Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in Journalism

Yeah I guess you're right cliché dissenting redneck. I always thought Columbia University, Harvard and Syracuse College of Law were pretty suspect in their educational credibility. I too am scared of the impending amoral socialist state brought on by graduates of those institutions. Our only saviors are the war vet and hockey mom.

While conservative irrational fears include such nonsense as an impending fudge-packing Marxist-like state where abortions are so ubiquitous we actually play popgun with pregnant women and shoot each other with feti, liberal fears include the perpetuation of ignorance and intolerance, fear-mongered witch hunts, the Patriot Act, and thinking that can be summed up with this sign:

*incomplete, but the sign i wanted to post was something about how obama is a muslim terrorist who kills babies*

Just remember I love you all. (Well I love some of you, like many of you and just disregard the rest)

Rebuttal to "excellent article"

2008-10-24T17:46:00.016-05:00

I was sent the following article from a conservative family member who I respect a great deal. The email subject header read, “excellent article.”

To paraphrase, it focuses on a perceived liberal bias of the media and the double-standard this bias has created specifically between John McCain et al and Barrack Obama et al. First off, it insinuates that Joe Biden’s comment about how the world will test Barrack Obama actually stems from inside information he has obtained from serving on the Foreign Relations Committee about impending international crises.

“Is Russia about to move on the Crimea? Is Israel about to launch air strikes on Iran's nuclear sites? What is Joe talking about?”
“If one assumes Joe is a serious man, we have a right to know.”

A rational person would assume that the author is being facetious, but who knows with the standards of WND, which I will delve into soon. For sake of argument, let us assume they are being literal. Why do we have a right to know? Should we not continue to use the same school-of-thought the Bush administration has implemented over the last eight years? You know, the school-of-thought that dictates honesty and forthrightness and transparency and accountability. Frankly, I don’t understand how the conservatives at WND demand a right to know now, but had no problem being kept in the dark the last eight years. Don’t you think we had a right to know about Bush’s domestic spy program and the complicit telecommunication companies? Don’t you think we had a right to know Bush’s inclination to invade Iraq prior to 9/11/2001? According to former Treasury Secretary O’Neil and several unnamed administration sources, the Bush administration began planning to invade Iraq at its very first National Security Council meeting in January 2001, with the President stating "Go find me a way to do this." Don’t you think we had a right to know about the Bush administration’s blatant disregard for the Geneva Convention in methods of torture, not to mention secret extradition policies in order to torture in locations where the Geneva Convention had not been signed? Not that that even mattered. Don’t you think we had a right to know about the use of Depleted Uranium in Iraq, another violation of the Geneva Convention? Why is it that conservatives demand the right to know now, but not when it has mattered the most in the last eight years?

“Had John McCain made that hair-raising statement, he would have been accused of fear mongering about a new 9/11.”

There’s a credible reason McCain would have been accused of fear mongering. Fear mongering has been a quintensential Republican campaign platform since 2000 and probably before I was old enough to understand these unethical campaign strategies. Win at all costs, right?

Contrasting McCain with his hero, Joe declared a few weeks back, "When the stockmarket crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and ... said, 'Look,here's what happened.'"

Obviously this is a gaff and historically inaccurate.

Can one imagine what the press would have done to Sarah Palin had she exhibited such ignorance of history? Joe gets a pass because everybody likes Joe.

There are two reasons the press would have been all over Palin had she exhibited such ignorance:

1) The level of ignorance she has displayed in interviews since her VP candidacy has been epic. Need we talk about her comments on her foreign policy intelligence as a function of geographic proximity; or perhaps her inability to mention just ONE publication when asked which ones she read. No one can be this fucking stupid. I’m sure it has more to do with McCain campaign strategists puppeting her around than her inability to intellectually combine words to form any type of answers. I mean seriously, no one can be this fucking stupid. Obviously the above is only an anecdotal argument, but it’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want to.

2) Palin has been so illusive to the media since McCain chose her as his running mate, in perhaps the most contrived politically motivated move ever, that when she does speak, the press is extremelly interested, but unfortunately for Palin, it's usually nothing of substance.

Oh and 3). I forgot about 3). Sarah Palin has the so few morals that she chose to make an adult movie. If you don't believe me, watch the intro to her latest movie:

There’s a reason everyone likes Joe. He’s pragmatic in his approach to progressive movements such as gay rights, woman’s rights, science education, middle-class support, the environment, etc. He is an outspoken Catholic who is an ardent supporter of secularism and not allowing faith to influence the majority of his decisions. I must point out though that even Obama/Biden are against gay marriage, which I disagree with; however, I have a theory they are just pretending to be Christian for political reasons and are actually Atheists.

The article goes on to say:

Has anyone ever asked Joe about his own and his party's role in cutting off aid to South Vietnam, leading to the greatest strategic defeat in U.S. history and the Cambodian holocaust?

Ok, I’m not sure how the U.S. decision to leave Vietnam led to Pol Pot’s Khmer Rouge murder of thousands of Cambodians, but saying Joe was wrong in cutting off aid to end the Vietnam War, come on. Tell that to one of the 68,000 Americans who died, or perhaps the majority of soldiers who came home and eventually protested the war outwardly or inwardly.

What about the article indicating Joe was wrong on the Iraq War? Why is it that the people who are always so in favor of war are the pro-life, right-wing Christians? Does that not piss anyone else off? Does anyone see the hypocrisy here? Why is it that the people who are always so in favor of war are the ones who are not there themselves or willing to send other people, but not their people?

In an earlier post I touched briefly on a concept that perhaps one should not be in favor of a violent cause such as war, unless they themselves are willing go and fight and possibly die for said cause. I can see what the conservatives are saying now, “Oh another liberal oversimplification.” This is typical of similar lectures I receive from conservatives such as, “Wait until you get older; you’ll be a Republican.” Or, “Wait until you have kids; you’ll be a conservative.” I call bullshit to all of those arguments. I am liberal and progressive because like science, there is an intrinsic humility, it allows for and promates change and it admits to the one item that most conservatives resist, and that is that it conforms to the fact that everything in this world has been and will always be in flux.

I disagree with the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars because I don’t think they are winnable. I don’t think they have made us safer and in fact the very opposite. And, while we enjoy our freedom, I do not believe freedom is always ours to give.

The final part of the article is perhaps the single valid point, but does not explain the cause of the circumstance.

Can one imagine "Saturday Night Live" doing weekly send-ups of Michelle Obama and her "I've never been proud" of my country, this "just downright mean"
America, using a black comedienne to mimic and mock her voice and accent?
"Saturday Night Live" would be facing hate-crime charges.

This is definitely something in which I do not identify with left-wing philosophies. I am very into my political incorrectness and think there is a double-standard when it comes to racism. However, we have to ask ourselves why this double-standard exists. Let me list a few cause and effect words: kidnapping, human trade, slavery, selective human breeding, rape, torture, whipping, lynching, underground railroad, forced conscription, nigger, kkk, Jim Crow, 2/3 vote, separate but equal, segregation, and so on. That’s why there’s a god damn double-standard and while I’m not racist, but willing to offend black and white alike, I understand why this double-standard exists. It is reparations I must pay for the utter lack of humanity and ignorance of my ancestors.

Ok enough with content refutation, let’s get to my ad hominem attack. Let me state for the record that this is perhaps the worst article I have read this election season, which is why I don’t read rubbish from bloody absurd sources such as World Net Daily. World Net Daily is a socially conservative publication that draws much influence from and directs most articles to the religious right. I mean right there we can conclude that WND uses logic as a basis for information and not faith, right? Not to mention that common authors for the publication include the likes of Ann Coulter, David Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly. I especially enjoyed the WND article from Anthony LoBaido claiming that 9/11 occurred because of America’s moral depravity and claimed that maybe God had created radical Islam to fight America in this regard.

Let’s hear it for irrational faith-based rhetoric.

She's Gone from Suck to Blow (Spaceballs)

2008-10-21T08:03:00.002-05:00

Did you know that you don't get sucked out of a spaceship, you get blown out of a spaceship?

This is something we should all be aware of during the inevitable mass exodus to Mars if the religious right continue their reign of intolerance.

via Bad Astronomer

Ignorance Incarnate

2008-10-21T06:44:00.003-05:00

Ohh small-town America, why must ye continue to reinforce correlation and causation between population density -> never leaving the farm -> religion -> ignorance?

New McCarthyism

2008-10-21T06:20:00.002-05:00

Michelle Bachman, Republican Representative from Minnesota, calls for an inquiry to discover anti-Americans in congress in what is frightingly similar to McCarthy era witch hunts.

Whiskey and Aspartame Digressions

2008-10-19T14:50:00.007-05:00

Do not drink and post…. o r s h o u l d I ???

Through my disparate thoughting, I’ve discovered the only time I’m creatively juiced is following 32 cups of coffee, 14 beers and/or seven omegendorphs. It’s actually quite upsetting because I’m without a doubt my own worst enemy, yet when I go back and read my material I tend to impress myself with a too often repressed ability to arrange text into coherent, perhaps clever formulations. Not necessarily clever to you, but clever to my own worst enemy. If you’ve ever seen the movie “Awakened” with Robbin Williams, you might understand how I feel. Actually my whole life kinda seems like that movie.

So I’m sitting on the couch with my laptop on my lap’s top, Alexander Keith is resting up against my hip, my feet propped on a coffee table cluttered with stained wine glasses, beer bottles, cell phones, wallet, calling card, some loonies and toonies; looking through the 6x15 ft living room window out through the struggling pine trees to the flowing lunar reflection. I have to piss, but of course my urinary lethargy will outweigh my bladder pangs until my protruding abdomen effects my liquid crystal display location. (What an absurd sentence). This study is indicative of my perceived intelligence: Daniel Oppenheimer of Princeton University: "Consequences of Erudite Vernacular Utilized Irrespective of Necessity: Problems with Using Long Words Needlessly."

Without a doubt, this is a place I will most likely miss only once that whole idea of hindsight presents itself. Despite the utter boredom on my 3.5 days off per week, French-Canadian living has not been without great stories and positive changes. Actually this may be going a bit too far so let me retract and rearticulate. In the combined 4.5 months in Canada this year, I’ve done some new stuff, like:

*Tim Horton’s – The Canadian equivalent of Dunkin Doughnuts, yet where America might run on Dunkin, Canada has placed Timmy’s on the top of their food pyramid. Tim Horton’s, appropriately named after the Canadian hockey player, Tim Horton, is a – if not thee – Canadian institution. Without fail, there will be a line of cars in the Tim Horton’s drive through at 9pm. Are these people drinking coffee? The running joke about Timmy’s coffee is that it is so strong, many people believe they add a small dosage of heroin to each cup. Similar to Lay’s Wow Chips containing Olean and the actual warnings of anal leakage, Tim Horton’s coffee cups contain the following warning: *The contents may be very hot. The contents my cause sphincter dilation* It is not a non sequitur that Tim Horton’s, with the federally allowed maximum dosage of caffeine in each cup of coffee, also has the most disturbingly poopy bathrooms.

*Hockey and Molson – That’s right, much to the chagrin of my countless friends enjoying Iowa football today and watching college football and MLB Playoffs throughout the week, I drink Molson Canadian and watch NHL Hockey; my new team….Detroit Redwings. More out of desperation than personal preference, actually completely out of desperation, many nights throughout the week consist of watching hockey and drinking either the previously mentioned beer, Labatt Blue, Alexander Keith’s, Moosehead or Alpine. Hockey gets a bad wrap, especially in the Midwest, and stems from ignorance and an inability to appreciate the game as a result of never playing the game. We all know how much I enjoy being different just for the sake of being different, so upon my return to the US, much to the chagrin of my football, baseball and basketball loving friends, I will watch hockey.

*Misc – Lobster footlong from Subway. Boiled alive my first Lobster. Cooked my first Turkey.

It was beautiful, but too dry. Picked up my first hitchhiker, which I will elaborate on in my next post. Saw my first moose. Still haven’t seen my first bear. Debated my first Mormon. Did you know Mormons were not allowed to consume caffeine until the Mormon Church bought shares in Coca-Cola? Anyone else see the hypocrisy there? Saw my first bomb. Got hooked on Vanilla Silk; seriously, it’s so much better than cow juice. Got my third and largest tattoo. Used military-grade GPS equipment not yet available to civilians. Started drinking instant coffee. Unwillingly became celibate. Fell in love with three lesbians, two of which are twin singers, the other a political commentator. Completely filled my 30 gig iPod and 40 gig computer. No Fix, not with what you think, mostly mp3s, audiobooks, southpark and battlestar. Flew on my first prop. Smoked my first Cuban cigar. Kinda gross actually. Drank at my first bootlegger. Solidified my atheism.

I recently had someone very close to me say that they are worried that my deep-thinking will prevent happiness. This person, who I love unequivocally, equated a lack of spiritual faith with unhappiness and absence of a meaningful existence. This person also said they prayed for me and prayed that there is an afterlife. I found this quite peculiar especially since the presence of an afterlife is independent of willing said afterlife. Right? I mean it only makes sense that praying for an afterlife is not going to manifest an actual afterlife, rather an afterlife either exists or it doesn’t. My consciousness will either continue after physical death or it won’t, regardless of my belief.

I hope that there is some form of continuation, but I have absolutely no faith in the idea. The concept of an afterlife without one single piece of concrete evidence – faith – contradicts everything we have worked for and established in our modern civilization including our justice system, technological advances, modern medicine and so on. Any time you talk on your cell phone, watch your flat screen, take your antibiotic, you hurt what little evidence you have for a validated faith and move toward a faith based on nothing more than a deep longing. Every time you use a computer, the internet, a car, electricity, drink a diet coke or a decaf coffee, you are acknowledging the credibility behind the scientific method.

Faith is absurd. I’m not using this in an insulting capacity by any means, but relative to the airplane you travel on, the lawnmower that cuts your grass or the shampoo that strengthens your hair, faith contradicts everything we know and have proven of our reality. I truly hope one day science proves an afterlife; however, it will definitely not be proven through the conclusion-shaping-evidence theory of Intelligent Design or through a historical, subjective text. Ergo, your faith is what it is. It is believing in something with absolutely no evidence. With that said, I don’t mind people close to me having faith to help with the disparities of life and I often envy the ability to believe in something more. However, don’t tell me I’m going to hell for favoring abortion. Don’t push crazy theories to be taught alongside substantiated science in schools. Don’t claim natural disasters are acts of vengeful gods. Don’t use the absurdities of faith to shape your views of politics and foreign policies. Don’t get excited over conflict in the Middle East because in the infinite number of interpretations that can be formulated, you choose the one that coincides with the rapture and Revelations.

Remember the Simpson’s episode where Homer removes the crayon from his nose and suddenly becomes a genius. Homer’s newfound intellect allows him to prove that God does not exist. Well Flanders, the devout Christian, happens upon the proof, takes a look and says, “Whoops, better get rid of this.” He burns it and continues to church. What would you do if you knew without a doubt there was no God? What would you do if you knew without a doubt there is a God? What would you do if you knew without a doubt there is a God and everyone who has ever existed including Mao Tse Tung, Me, homosexual Catholic Priests who molest little boys, you, Pat Robertson, Keith Olberman, George W. Bush, Ted Haggard and even Hitler, were allowed into Heaven? It’s amazing what we don’t know yet assume to know. It’s amazing what we don’t know today yet will know tomorrow.

Did you know that you can actually catch a fart and place it on someone's face? Did you know that the pharmaceutical industry actually spends more on marketing than research and development? Did you know that one time I was so drunk and horny I passed out jerking off and woke up dick-in-hand? Did you know that many intellectuals and insiders such as Bob Woodward attribute the drop in Iraqi violence not to the troop surge as the current administration suggests, but due to new clandestine tactics? Did you know that it doesn't take a genius to get a bachelor's degree, master's degree or even a PhD and become an educated idiot and endorse a topic such as the scientifically unverifiable Intelligent Design theory and that there is even a PhD by the name of Gerardus D. Bouw that is a Geocentrist? Did you know Sarah Palin has stated on numerous occasions that abortion of any type, even due to rape and incest, should be illegal? Did you know that due to uncontrollable, intense urethral contractions, inadvertently projecting ejaculate on your face is deeply disturbing, yet quite impressive? Did you know what you know today might not be what you knew yesterday and what you know tomorrow might not be what you knew today?

You know, whether or not my consciousness continues after physical life is neither here nor there. If my consciousness continues, cool. If my consciousness does not continue, well guess what, I won’t be conscious to realize how much it sucks. So I digress. It’s obvious that my lack of faith is eternally detrimental to my existence.

The Word of Whiskey and Aspartame Digressions

Sarah Palin: Admitted Pro-Life Extremist

2008-10-16T11:34:00.004-05:00

This is an intriguing advertisement that, to the best of my knowledge, aired shortly after the debate last night in the DC area.

via dailykos

Seriously, This Chick Is Awesome

2008-10-16T07:30:00.002-05:00

Let's smoke some pot...or at least legalize it for those who want to

gogreen18

New Spokesperson for Atheists

2008-10-15T17:16:00.002-05:00

Check out Laci, atheism's newly proclaimed liaison to the masses. Well, my newly proclaimed atheist goddess.

I couldn't put it more eloquently. I couldn't look that good if I tried .

via Phyrangula

Butt-Licker Awards

2008-10-09T06:20:00.025-05:00

*music intro* *groovin baseline* ....."I say the hip, hop, hippin to the hippin to the hip hip hop you don't stop rockin to the bang, bang a boogity de bang bang banganbasdbasldbas.......

A chilly greetings to the internet world this Canadian morning!!! Only seven working days left in this hidden little third-world barely surviving off the Canuck version of welfare and unemployment. Think you have it bad back home with the fear-mongered (probably justifiably so) economic crisis? Well you should jet-plane up yonder and soak in the true meaning of financially destitute. Like many impoverished places around the world, lifestyles are simplistic and happiness is often independent of/and perpetuated through the detachment of material wealth. Just like the everyday douche bag stumbling through life, people gravitate to the path of least resistance, across the concentration gradient of sadness to happiness. Whether or not a chosen lifestyle is deliberate or not is beside the point that when fewer factors are introduced, a conscious significance can be grasped with relative ease.

You ask any cultural anthropologist and I'm confident they will completely agree with me. I'm also confident 99% of you don't know a cultural anthropologist to corroborate my claim and the other 1% of you who do know a cultural anthropologist are probably too pretentious to give my kick ass blog credibility anyway. It doesn't take much thought or research though to make similar deductions. You can even do it from your couch. (Directed at some of my friends). Just look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

Given that Maslow's theories are not chalked up as the disparate thoughts of another educated idiot, we can conclude that the introduction of material wealth, or the intentional seeking of said wealth, will prevent us from ascending the triangular order. In accordance with the hierarchy, as long as material wealth is sufficient to sustain basal needs, its presence is not required and clearly detrimental to self-development. Perhaps an academic oversimplification, but all you have to do is look at the relative happiness of third-world cultures in the absence of material wealth and you will see the correlation with the mighty triangle.

Why does this piss me off? Well it's taken me most of my years to identify the inherent self-deluded elements of mass-consumerism, which is the first step to strip the bounds that prevent an expedited triangular ascension. Yet instead of identifying areas of improvement, I choose to ignore this small enlightenment and consciously perpetuate this way of life. Without attempting to further explain the psychology of this decision making -- too lazy and ignorant, but mostly too lazy -- let’s get to the first Butt-Licker Award.

...and the first ME!!!

Moving on. The next

OPRAH and the other Self-Righteous Assholes!!

Oprah Winfrey is a perfect example of a runaway ego inflated by the listless housewife and the inherent self-righteousness that follows great wealth. Truly unfortunate is the state of our vicarious desires through fame, which undoubtedly leads to liberal self-righteous douchery. Until something catastrophic occurs in our country, we will continue to have apathetic, superficial, ignorant and often obese children who have no concerns other than fulfilling their next instant self-gratification. These apathetic, superficial, ignorant and often obese children grow and turn into apathetic, superficial, ignorant and often obese teenagers and eventually apathetic, superficial, ignorant and often obese young adults who DO NOT VOTE!!! That’s why when I saw this video on the YouTubes, it just further reinforced my views of ultra liberal demigod douche bags.

On the surface, one sees what appear to be several fresh-faced, socially active celebrities speaking in the language of youth – sarcastic irony – and urging young people to vote. This was truly a beautiful site. These people who appear to have it made both financially and spiritually are trying to reach out to the young apathetics who don’t invest much thought in current events. Through often humorous and witty irony, they stressed that we really should care about issues like genocide, racism, war, poverty, etc. I praised Jesus for giving me the benefit of this video because if it weren’t for these socially-aware celebs, well goodness I wouldn’t have known about these issues.

What a God-Damn joke direct from the capitol of Cloud-City itself. It doesn’t take a genius to see the transparency of this junk and frankly, if you weren’t as fucking insulted as I was after wasting time on this, go lick your own ass. If you didn’t feel patronized by this video, I’m guessing you are apathetic, superficial, ignorant and often obese. Unfortunately we have created these unconscious demigods whose lifestyle is again so inherently out of touch with the average citizen that they have no business lecturing us on why we should vote. It’s not the fact that these douche bag celebrities are trying to make a positive difference. I mean look at Bono. King of all self-righteous king douche bags, yet he has undoubtedly made a net positive difference in Africa. Self-righteousness is the price he has to pay for the fame we provided if he wants to make a difference in the world. However, this joke of a social outreach video has two aspects that led to the awarding of a Butt-Licker:

1) The primary source of disrespect came from the passive-aggressive approach in presenting their thesis. For you apathetic, superficial, ignorant and often obese, the thesis was NOT go out and vote. The thesis WAS go out and vote for Obama. Ok I’ll be the first to admit that I’m liberal on most issues and I’ll admit that I already voted (absentee) for Obama. That’s not the point. The point is that these cash-chuckers are lying right to our face! It’s subtle – only if you’re ignorant – propaganda that happens to favor something I believe in, but so full of shit that I just can’t keep quiet.

2) These butt holes are directing their fresh-scented poo to two classes of people. The first class is the apathetic, superficial, ignorant and often obese. The second class is the citizen that has felt so oppressed and weakened by policies that seem to favor one social class and one race, they have adopted the inevitable defeatist attitude. If the former class votes at all, they will most likely vote just like Mommy and Daddy – the people who provided this lackadaisical indoctrination – and often times perpetuate these oppressive policies. So really the douchey celebs are directing their empty propaganda solely toward the latter. Que hilarity. These celebrities really think that people who feel so powerless from years of struggle through capitalism, racism, social bigotry, that they are going to listen to a bunch of pretentious fuckers purge their ultra-liberal rhetoric?

Back to Oprah. I’m sure Oprah has made some positive impact in all of her capitalist hording. She’s even recommended some great books that I allowed myself to read thanks to the weak adhesive holding her Book Club sticker on the cover. Oprah does not get the Butt-Licker because of some underlying psychological reason for philanthropic efforts or the ensuing wave of ego inflation. The well-deserved Butt-Licker is being awarded to Oprah due to her resonating perpetuation of self-proclaimed spiritual advisors. Oprah has used her platform to endorse such new-age spiritualists as Kelly Freston, former model and self-help author, Ronda Byrne, author of the Secret, and Eckart Tolle, author of A New Earth.

Without getting too bogged down with the often absurd details of this new-age spiritualism, it’s a lot of unsubstantiated claims and faith-based rhetoric. If you are capable of faith – believing in something without evidence, which I am not – then great, you should check out some of this stuff because it will more than likely help. Many of these new teachings do make valid arguments, such as the power of positive thought. However, a book like The Secret makes huge (faith-based) inferences about current scientific awareness (quantum mechanics) and the universe (our thoughts) at large. Oh and lets not forget to mention it also claims that the Jews were slaughtered during the holocaust because of their thoughts! If you don’t believe me, read it!

Tolle’s A New Earth, while making several claims on faith, is actually rooted in new metaphysical perspectives on psychology. Actually, Tolle’s teachings parallels Zen Buddhism, which despite supernatural components, has very credible results on the mind as discovered through advances in MRI technology.

Regardless of physiological efficacy of this new age spiritualism, the placebo effect is very powerful on the mind and hey, if it works for you then great. Just be absolutely aware that these so-called spiritual advisors are raking in literal millions upon millions of your dollars. Even Eckart Tolle, perhaps the most credible among the lot, is a multi-millionaire. Does anyone else see a conflict of interest between spirituality and cash?!?! How the fuck can you trust the likes of a Ronda Byrne to guide you through the spiritual ether if her financial agenda, whether intentional or not, far outweighs any other agenda? In terms of spirituality, you should not trust ANYONE who consorts with capitalism!!!

Here is a great article on Oprah and The Secret. http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2007/03/05/the_secret/
There will be many more Butt-Licker recipients because we all know there are many more Butt-Lickers out there. Before I leave, let me just point out that I don’t blame celebrities for being self-righteous douche bags by accepting our money then telling us how to live our lives. We all have to justify our existence in one way or the other, and when you live as empty a life as most of these people – in terms of Maslow’s Theory – you’d probably do the same thing. Hell I’d probably do the same thing had I been dealt a similar hand, but I wasn’t, they were. I’m not a self-righteous douche bag, they are.

With all that said. My ultimate goal is to win the powerball and become a rich, white, ultra-conservative, religious republican and continue to perpetuate the oppression of poor minorities in order to live in an illusory sense of happiness provided by private jet excursions, Ted Haggard-esque men’s restroom blow jobs, N.I.M.B.Y. and of course jerking off to Jesus because I really, really……..really really really love him.

Black Like….Amy Winehouse? What?!

2008-10-08T09:18:00.003-05:00

Is it possible to inject further sexual ambiguity in my life this Halloween?

Can you guess which one is me?

Oh without a frickin doubt! Modeled after Caucasian journalist/author John Howard Griffin’s social experiment detailed in his 1961 piece Black Like Me, my 2007 work titled, Slut Like Me or Tranny Like Me: What a Joke of an Excuse to be Gay for a Night *he HE* (Wow, that High-Pitched Giggle was a Double Entendre), set out to determine if a self-hating straight man could ascertain a first-hand perspective of the discrimination experienced by dirty whores and transsexuals *pause* or dirty whore transsexuals. Unfortunately, as of yet, no major publications have accepted my study.

In order to divest myself from socially ingrained heterosexual idiosyncrasies, I began haunting the London night to give blow jobs in dodgy neighborhoods….............................................*bet you're nervous*................................. ok that’s not entirely accurate. Actually that Jen-girl dressed up as a man and I documented her dodgy-alley blow jobs. What a sacrifice in the name of social science. *shhhhhhh* Just between me and you I think she had done this before. In all honesty, if my sexual orientation called for laying pipe with the plumber or grooving with that luscious lookin Oak Tree in my backyard, as long as it doesn’t adversely affect the receiver (ok really, really bad choice of words there), you better believe I’m going to partake regardless of stigmatic severity.

After preliminary research was complete, it was time to get into my physical character. With the help of my two roommates, Jean and that Jen-girl, various make-ups were applied; my back was shaved (thanks Jen-girl) to introduce contrast to my man-animal-like chest; a rather small halter top was Hulked on; some rather small capris were strategically zipped up exposing a genital silhouette that gave new meaning to junk in the trunk; and finally the life-blood of my character was placed ever so gently on my noggin in a ceremonial manner that is rivaled only by the dawning of Darth Vader’s mask.

THE ANDROGYNOUS WHORE WAS BORN

Due to my extreme dedication to character and study alike, I got way too fucking drunk and had to interpolate most of my data around three distinct events. Unfortunately my colleagues found this interpolation a blatant attempt to falsify data and blacklisted me from the scientific community. The Androgynous Whore was bitched slapped from every major relevant publication including Nature, Scientific America and BIcurious Biweekly.

Are you wondering what these three distinct events were? Well here they are listed in chronological order.

Distinct Event #1
The Androgynous Whore made out with Daphne from Scooby Doo. I’m not sure what sparked this event, but knew it could only be of utmost importance to my scientific investigation.

Distinct Event #2
Have you ever been propositioned by a lesbian to partake in a threesome with me, shit, I mean you and another heterosexual girl who would only partake if I, shit, I mean you would partake because this horny lesbian really wanted to get with this heterosexual girl? Complex sexual dynamics can only begin to describe that scenario.

Distinct Event #3
At some point in the morning, being guided only by my unconscious self, hair askew with now several protruding bald spots, lipstick smeared all over my face with smearage being a function of my debauchery, an alcohol stained halter top, asphyxiated genitals and with one remaining sandal, The Androgynous Whore ventured out into the London night in search of home. Now barefoot from snapping my remaining foot protection five steps into the journey, The Whore did what she did on her way to the study location earlier in the night. She cocked her wrists, jutted her chest and shook those hips like she had flaming rainbow propellant gushing out her ass. You might think the study reached a climax during Distinct Event #1 or Distinct Event #2, but it actually came a block from home when The Whore passed a group of night people, one of whom yelled, “Fag!” At last, success!! My goal was to experience discrimination and alas, discrimination.

The question that remains, from analysis of failure points and with new protocols, should I perform an analogous study this year? The chances – if only for morale purposes in an attempt to reverse French-Canadian brainwashing – are very good. My plan of action has not yet been finalized, but let me give you an intro into Slut/Gay Study ’08. As of now, my flight home is October 31st, aka Halloween. I know of at least one Halloween party. I have not drank since Labor Day weekend. This may produce a literal all-day bender on Fri, Oct 31st, starting before my flight, resulting in getting dressed up for my flight and carrying these activities long into the night. I mean it only makes sense and in the name of science, what could possibly go wrong?

Back on the North of My Bipolar (blogo)Sphere.

2008-10-07T08:53:00.003-05:00

Several weeks back when I decided to once again spew my mental humdrums to the masses, the effects of this blogosphere indoctrination were not yet clear. I was (am) motivated to transpose my lottery-balls to a coherent format if only for my own wellbeing. Release always seems to bring about introspective peace, regardless of the subjective quality of said release. Inducing bodily trauma, whether through rigorous exercise or self-mutilation, releases endorphins to cope with the stress. Talking about issues, whether through a formal debate or in a wooden box speaking to a self-appointed liaison of a fictitious being, gives us a recovered understanding of the world around us and often provides a new sense of calm. Orgasms, it is said, whether a result of the tragically boring missionary sex with Mary-Margaret the missionary or that mustache-ride in the Chicago alley from Jorge the midget Mexican, gives us a window into our sub-consciousness, not to mention the physical release. Along similar lines, writing, at the very least, is a medium in which to organize my incongruous thoughts……or shall we say disparate thoughts? (yup that’s right, name of my blog). Most of all, in the predictable egoic sense, it validates what I view as a deeper, atypical mode of thought. Perhaps this is the epitome of human arrogance, but hey, I’m of that fallible mutt breed just like you.

The last several months have given rise to the discovery of countless blogs from the likes of scientists, atheists, politicians, spiritualists, doctors, bands and friends, to name a few. I’ve taken advantage of a number of podcasts covering current events, philosophy, environment, energy, not to mention the classes I’ve audited through itunesU, such as The History Of Jesus provided by Stanford. I’m an infoholic. I can’t live without infohol. We live in a time when humility should be at an all time high and ignorance should be at an all time low. There is one invaluable concept taught to me through the scientific method that you should always use as a platform when approaching information: NEVER EVER BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU ARE TOLD!!!! It is your responsibility to research the source, review the data, identify potential biases and educate yourself on the scientific method. There are no excuses for ignorance anymore.

Holy Tangent Batman! The point I am not making very well is that instead of directing my energy to writing, it has been spent on reading anything and everything from the underground connections of the blogosphere. Instead of attempting to write something I view as substantive, which is surprisingly difficult for me and mentally draining, and in order to keep up with my blog to get that release from writing, I’m going to switch styles slightly and dip into my stream-of-lottery-ball-consciousness. It may not be coherent for you, but I’m still going to achieve that release whether or not there is significant time devoted to arranging my thoughts or it’s just a stream of bullshit. To be honest, I’m extremely self-conscious of my intellectual ability…writing style. Debating has always been a weakness of mine despite the information being there, just difficult to retrieve in a timely manner, which is perhaps why it takes me so long to write something of intellectual coherence and beauty, very subjective coherence and beauty I may add.

So what’s on my mind? *Que metaphysical fishing pole* Well without sounding conceited or culturally hegemonous, I’m going to illustrate the pride I hold in my present situation. Ok ok it sounds like nothing more than bragging for the sake of inflating my cold, bald head, but there’s another motive. Think Tony Robbins meets Sarah Connor meets Matt Skiba lyrics. ***I actually just wrote for the last half hour about specific moments in my past to personify how fucked up life can get for some people. For fear of stigma I decided to delete. Perhaps I’ll change my mind later*** Too many years of my life have been devoted to second guessing myself and questioning my very existence, or perhaps denying my own existence with debilitating consequences to my mind and very tangible reminders to my body. In all this mess, the only order to come out of the incoherence are the sporadic bursts of success measured only in terms of where I have been in the past.

January marks my first semester of official graduate school at UIC. My first class in an environmental engineering program is Solid and Hazardous Waste Management. I will learn how to more effectively transport, store, clean and reuse YOUR poop. How fitting a class for my idea of how Balderdash should be played. I have applied for a more intensive program in the school of mechanical engineering, more specifically energy engineering. This program would prove to be a bit more relevant and productive to current societal trends, and I’d finally be able to get away from this seemingly unhealthy infatuation with butts and poop and other toilet humor often perpetuated by that Jen-girl.

So last year after I made the snap decision to move to London unemployed and homeless, literally unemployed and homeless. Go here to read about my London stuff http://www.xanga.com/jhart21.
Daunting can only begin to describe the emotions especially considering my malfunctioning sympathetic nervous system. Here is the story of my first interview:

You know when you spend the night at a person’s home and wake up in the morning and for a few seconds you have to strain to know where you are? Well imagine doing this in another country in a studio apartment after 10+ pints of lager and an unknown amount of sambuca. I rolled out of bed onto the floor; literally because this is what happens when you are sleeping on a mat. Promptly made my way to the bathroom where I proceeded to have some hardcore D.A.D.S. (Day After Drinking Syndrome) mere inches from where two precious girls were sleeping. I dawned my brand new American – untrendy London – one and only suit lovingly purchased by my Dad. So I’m shootin to kill in my awesome Dillard’s suit, walk out into the wonderful London air that often resulted in boulderous black nasal mucous and made my way to the unventilated tube system in the rain.
Let me summarize. I’m severely hungover, the sky is pissin down and oh so hot on the subway. You'd be sweating too.

I get off in central London, get lost in the rain, hail a taxi in my Dillard’s suit, the taxi driver can’t read the Google map, we get lost, time keeps ticking, I keep sweating. I arrive at this posh office with GQ guys and trendy girls; then there’s scruffy, hungover Dillard’s suited Jake. I WAS Ugly Betty. I’m taken into the interview room where I frantically try to dry any exposed skin, especially my right hand and forehead. I actually think I set some sort of record for severity of pitted-out suit.

The first of three interviewers came into what was now a room with noticeably higher humidity thanks to my armpits. It doesn’t help that when I get really nervous, I can’t smile and my face tends to twitch. I’ve gotten much better at combating both of these undesirable reactions, but it was particularly bad that day. I shot a quick smile before I could think, shook hands and thanked the nice looking lady for the opportunity. I discovered the only way I could keep a sustained smile is if I kept my hand under my chin. You know that astute “I’m thinking” look. With my hand awkwardly placed under my chin, I smiled, oozed as positive vibe as I could and answered questions as clearly and intelligently as my still-retarded-from-last-night firing synapses would allow. I utilized this method for the next two interviewers, thanked the last one, which would later become my boss, left and crashed…physically crashed. That’s what happens with people who have an overactive SNS and endure a prolonged episode. I went to the darkest pub I could find, which wasn’t hard, sat on a couch and drank pints until I dried and the irrational self-destructive thoughts could do no more harm. Through all that shit, I was offered the job. I earned that job.

Last year I visited 15 different countries as my passport will prove; the majority of visits by myself. This year I’ve traveled to both ends of the U.S, and for all intense and purposes, both ends of Canada as well. My next flight will be my 29th individual flight of 2008. I’ll be in Florida in November and living on the north side of Chicago close to Wrigley Field. I say not bad for a kid who hadn’t flown for the first time until he was 20. I say not bad for a kid who never thought in a million years he’d be in this position. Ok I’m going to admit it; I am bragging. I’m not bragging to you though, I’m bragging to my former self. I’m bragging to that person who is still very much a fundamental part of my psyche, just repressed with every ounce of strength gained through transcending those preconceived limits I once set myself.

I particularly enjoy when people boost my ego by making comments such as, “Oh I wish I had that opportunity,” or “I wish I could have done/do something like that” or “I just don’t have the time or money to do something like that.” Fuck that. That’s all bullshit. All of these comments are just excuses to validate a life that never was and will more than likely never be despite every conceivable opportunity to rise against this form of self-limiting way of thinking. A wise man once said you can do whatever you want. Maybe we can’t have our cake and eat it too, but the only thing your excuses are doing is providing an illusory sense of justification for your missed opportunities.
We all have a certain degree of limitation. I for one will most likely never have a budding porn career, but if I want to live in downtown Chicago as opposed to the more practical – in every sense of the word – decision of living in the suburbs, you better believe I’m going to choose the former. This philosophy that I continue to refine and will continue to refine until I’m dead is what has literally kept me alive. It has literally prevented my death. I know many say this isn’t realistic; I say practicalities don’t fit in my life, but hey, you gotta do what works for you.

Hurricane Kyle: The little storm system that just couldn’t and how it came to be the Acadian Peninsula’s event of the decade.

2008-09-30T05:59:00.002-05:00

Three concise points.

First: I want to apologize to Disparate Thought’s devoted readers – I know of three – who have stressed their displeasure – I know of two – for not posting sooner. Reasons: First: Pre Hurricane Kyle weather disrupted the already shitty French Canadian internet. Second: My steadfast attention span was directed toward the download and subsequent repeated watching of Battlestar Galactica, seasons three and four, in a not-so-closet-sci-fi-geek-manor you have all come to know. Three sub points. First: Battlestar Galactica is the most intelligent show on any type of audio-visual medium. Second: That is really not saying much. Third: Do not let the second point dissuade you from checking out the sci-fi drama sensation now. Third: My priority for the last four days off work – due to the three day moose hunting season and the ensuing Labatt’s Blue induced floppy headed French Canadian small arms Canadian DNR controlled Bullwinkocide – was to lounge around the chalet naked since there is now just a sole occupant. Frankly, it would just be disturbing to type naked. Second: The urge to post something of meaning today dwindled along with my caffeine buzz. Potential future posts. First: Cutting Through Big Pharma’s Deliciously Evil Goodness. Second: The Natural Evolution of a Scientist: The inverse relationship between education and religious belief. Third: Politics: We’re all wrong, but Sarah Palin is still an Idiot. Third: Today’s post is going to be a one-day, three-part blogisode summarizing First: The Acadian Peninsula. First: Geography. Second: Culture. Third: My – yet to be determined if I’m really joking – hatred for it. Second: CATEGORY 5: POSEIDON’S ATLANTIC FARMER’S BLOW (must be due to the gays, right neocons?) Third: Anticlimax: It’s alright Poseiden; it happens to all Greek Gods at one point or another.

State tuned for Episode 1

Response to Self-Titled

2008-09-23T12:40:00.002-05:00

Self-Titled is located in Blog Archive under New Project

Here lies altruism
RIP

By Laura Palmer

It took me a long time to digest your thoughts. I think because I value compassion, empathy, and altruism above most other things in life. I have lived the last 25 years of my life rooted in benevolence; constantly thinking in terms of the self-less acts for others. I sent a card to my grandma at 8 just because I was thinking of her. I frequently put change in the meter next to mine. I thank the pilot every time I get off the plane. I send 14 pieces of mail a month simply to tell others they matter.

Reading your words, three to seven times, cause me to question my motivations. Your examples, while valid, were bigger than me. I’m a terrible volunteer. In contrast to my constant need to put other people’s feelings ahead of my own (in part out of benevolence, in part out of fear of my own feelings, but we’ll address that later) I hate volunteering. And as I thought more about just why I hate volunteering, I came up with some of the same reasons you described. I completely agree that people volunteer for themselves. Katrina was horrific, the tsunami devastating, the earthquakes unreal, but no one helped because it was “the right thing to do.” You said that “compassion is a defensive trait to reduce the unpleasant feeling of empathy; compassion being a mental awareness of suffering.” I agree with you here, but to take it one step further…Compassion is compare + passion and I think that it’s not just empathy, it’s the I-have-it-better-than-you feeling. (which might be what you were implying by empathy.)

“The compassion she eventually felt came from and is a defense of the same feeling: guilt. That’s right; I’m claiming all (or most) volunteer work is a result of the often unconscious self-serving need to diminish guilt. Is this bad? This can be debated, but it at the very least drives good causes.”

Maybe you’re right here. Maybe all good deeds are based in guilt. But here is what struck me after reading your thoughts:

Is altruism dead?

1- Have we really become so cynical that we believe selfless acts of benevolence have ceased to exist or have they truly ceased to exist in reality?
2- Does is really matter if altruism is relevant as long as people are contributing to the betterment of others…in other words does motive matter if good comes out of it?
3- Where did the phrase “no good deed goes unpunished” come from?

Because I’m already late with my response, I’ll leave you to ponder these three questions, perhaps we can come back to them when we’re fresh outta thoughts.

0.00000000001 Cubic Meters/Kg/Seconds Squared on Your MotherF#$@#*n Head!

2008-09-23T07:48:00.014-05:00

Do you understand the effect Isaac Newton's revolutionary ideas still have on you at this moment? Or, as the gravitational constant in the title suggests, do you understand the gravity of the situation? (Ugh..Christ that's so cliche).

If you were not aware, let me summarize two headlines from yesterday that were pushed under the figurative rug. Please refer to http://www.wn.com/.

Pakistani troops open fired on two US helicopters for crossing the Afghan border into Pakistani Airspace. The soldiers were following orders from President Musharraf.

Bolstering a new military partnership, a squadron of the Russian Navy set sail for Venezuela and Venezuelan President, Hugo Chavez, travelled to Russia to meet with Russian President Dmitry Medvedev, or perhaps more importantly, Prime Minister Valdimir Putin.

My Rorschach response says, "Gee golly, sure am glad we currently have such a diplomatic foreign policy. Looks like we're all gonna have a gay old time!" I'm going to make a radical statement and say at this moment, I am not proud to call myself an American. Oh come on, throw the tomatoes and cabbage. I can already hear em, "Why don't you move to Russia?" Well before you get the cross ready, let me elaborate. I am not proud of our current diplomatic strategies of use Depleted Uranium first and ask questions later. I am not proud of bible-thumping neo conservatives. I am not proud that we don't allow gay marriage. I am not proud of our hegemony. I am not proud that a woman's right to her own body is still being debated. I am not proud that the taxpayers now have to pay trillions of dollars to bail out Fannie Mae for abusing the very system that should have been regulating it, but due to the conservative slippery-slope phobia of socialism, it was able to run rampant for years until the conservatives had no choice, but to federalize. The irony, we have socialized more of the U.S. than Venezuela. Eat that you masturbating-to-the-thought-of-laissez-faire-capitalism conservative bastards.

My pride in the United States is a derivative of the idea of our country, not our actions. I will always lay claim to the U.S. (well never say never) and never (ha) be one of those travelers who is afraid to say they are American. I will always get pissed off when I see a bunch of Mexican high school kids in California fly the Mexican flag above an upside down American flag. I even think English should be the primary language, enough said. I think capitalism is actually a great system for driving innovation and higher quality of life, but aspects of socialism should not be burned at the stake. And I definitely think we need an entire overhaul of our foreign policy even if that means we (Americans) need to swallow our pride for a couple of decades.

For whatever reason - ignorance, fascism, or just bad luck - Bush's policies have not worked. Guess what people? MCCAIN HAS THE SAME GODDAMN POLICIES!!! If a + b = shit pile, and the sum of c and d = the sum of a and b, then c and d are going to produce the same shit pile! The idea of a McCain/Palin foreign policy is potentially more frightening than Monkey Bush and Darth Cheney. You know what though? Upon additional investigation, it appears McCain and Palin should be given more credit. I mean with a nickname like Maverick, a hair-trigger temper and hardline on Russia, what could possibly go wrong? Oh and Palin. Don't worry about Palin's foreign policy experience, which she sums up in an interview on ABC with Charlie Gibson:

Charlie Gibson, "What insight into Russian actions particularly in the last couple weeks does the proximity of the state give you?

Sarah Palin, "They're our next door neighbors and you can actually SEE Russia from land in Alaska."

Charlie Gibson, "But what insight does that give you into what they're doing in Georgia.

Sarah Palin, "I'm giving you that perspective of how small our world is."

......Oh My (Insert Chosen Mythological Character Here).....

Here is an absolutely hilarious and scathing review of Sarah Palin from none other than Matttt Damonnnn. Even though Hollywood actors are inherently self-righteous, he does make a couple valid points. **Disclaimer** The following should be viewed for entertainment purposes only.

How is it that Bush - ergo McCain - claim to be conservative, but carry out such a radical foreign policy? Well, according to http://www.conservapedia.com/, a conservative is one who adheres to principles of limited government, personal responsibility and moral values. Limited government, huh? [Iraq War, Patriot Act, Wall-Street bailouts (reciprocity due to their skewed ideas of limited government)]. Moral values, huh? [What the fuck would your Jesus do? You oh so often talk for him, but have you read his teachings? Think your Jesus would be all for preemptive wars? Think your Jesus would be for your torture techniques? (Whoops forgot. It's not torture it's just roughing up. Sorry Johnny Maverick. Evidently you weren't tortured in the Hanoi Hilton, rather just roughed up). Since "No other encyclopedic resource on the internet is free of corruption by liberal untruths," we can safely conclude that Bush - ergo McCain - is not conservative, at least in terms of foreign policy. Guess who has a conservative foreign policy? That's right, Barack Obama. Here is an interesting article discussing the pragmatic approach Obama has on foreign policy; the pragmatic, conservative foreign policy we desperately need at the moment.http://www.dmagazine.com/ME2/dirmod.asp?nm=Core+Pages&type=gen&mod=Core+Pages&tier=3&gid=B33A5C6E2CF04C9596A3EF81822D9F8E

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I fully understand that international relationships are comprised of unfathomable nonlinear dynamics. This, in conjunction with our evolutionary habits, creates a fertile ground for war. Armed conflict will undoubtedly be around until there is only a singular human left. However, before you are so anxious to send someone else to combat a situation for your ideologies, lets do a little exercise. Just for sake of perspective-driven thinking, pretend that the only way for you to be pro-war on anything, YOU YOURSELF have to risk your life for that cause. Meditate on this for a moment. Do you still agree with Iraq? Would you even want to be fighting Al Qaeda in Afghanistan.?

The irony is the majority of people in agreement with these causes are the ProLifeRightWingChristians.

Spreading Christian Love

2008-09-23T06:55:00.009-05:00

Can A Christian Marry An Agnostic?

I am 25 and have been dating the most wonderful guy for the last 3 years. I am a christian and he is agnostic. He treats me so wonderful and there is not a bad bone in his body, he respects my faith. He wants us to get engaged, can I marry an unbeliever and continue to lead him toward salvation?

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Moderator - The Word of God says no. In addition the Word of God states a Christian shouldn't be dating a nonbeliever in the first place. Please read II Corinthians 6:14-15.

http://christianblogs.christianet.com/1128531395.ht

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*Shaking head in hands* LOL. Fucking Ridiculous. Way to spread the love. I say she marry a fat, verbally abusive Christian fundamentalist who cherry picks bible versus to justify his mosogynist manifesto.

A Few Visuals...

2008-09-23T06:15:00.008-05:00

...that may have had an impact on me in the last months.

Southside

Columbia River Gorge

Santa Barbara

Great Ideas In Humanity

Bridge to Nowhere...or to Prince Edward

Halifax

Mt. Hood

Salmon Roe

Portland Market

New Project

2008-09-21T17:51:00.008-05:00

These days of prosperity have introduced all sorts of initiative to explore new forms of thought. One such initiative is a dialogue between myself and a friend, whom on many levels is an intellectual superior. Subject can be anything and choice is rotated every other week. Below is the first segment. The response will be posted in the next week pending author permission.

Self-Titled

Last night I was doing what I always do up here post-work, post-workout, post-dinner and post-shower; I was lying in bed with my computer sipping chamomile tea. Trying to come up with a thought this week, surfing the internet and trying not to get distracted by the hushed, yet raucous music in my ears, I thought of my travels and whether or not I could identify an intrinsic value that projected onto others through my experience. Of course the idea that traveling creates new perspective, strips ignorance and enhances and fosters a compassionate worldview is quite valid as seen through sociological observations, which I can corroborate through my own experience. Only speaking for myself, this result is detached from my actual motives that, for all intense and purposes, are much more self-serving than initially understood. All of my travel has been motivated by gaining personal experience or money. Don’t get me wrong, self-serving is not always negative and is a strong component of self-development. It did, however, start my philosophical wheels and resulted in three distinct questions placed here in order of evolution:

1) How can I incorporate more humanities into future travels?
2) Is the compassion that influenced the above question self-serving?
3) Is it possible to, and if so how can I, foster a non self-serving, sincere concern for the contentment of my friends? Or, is it possible to have broader depth in concern for the happiness of my friends than my own? Would I want this? Is this still an unconscious desire for a reciprocal karmic effect?

The first question is obvious in that the need for volunteers regardless of location is more ubiquitous than neo-cons on Fox News. The second question is more complex, but confident the answer is true compassion transcends ego and does not involve the self. However, if this true compassion does not come from the self, where does it come from? In short, I think it actually does derive from the self, is self-serving for the majority of us, but is capable of coming from outside the self. In honor of the timeless ‘post hoc ergo proctor hoc,’ it is my belief that compassion originates in this manner: experience (pain and pleasure) -> thought -> feeling (empathy) ->/guilt\ sub feeling (compassion) -> action. Using this paradigm, it is obvious that compassion originates deep within the self. What I did not include is that the feeling of empathy – which in this context is not synonymous with compassion, but is the mental projection of ‘putting your self in one’s shoes’ – always has an immediate negative, self-limiting effect. (DISCLAIMER: I do think there is a time and a place for empathy, can be positive and has the ability to aid in the development of the self, as well as a harmonious society).Using this logic, compassion is a defensive trait to reduce the unpleasant feeling of empathy; compassion being a mental awareness of suffering. Let’s look at a practical example.

Hurricane Katrina, the Volunteer and the Nihilist

I’m going down there to volunteer. Why? I want to help. Why do you want to help? Those people are suffering. What about their suffering makes you want to help?
I want to pay back to society. Why? I’ve been dealt a good hand and they haven’t. Why does that good hand influence you to help? (If you dissect the Volunteer’s last statement from a logical standpoint, you will notice that she implies at some point along the analysis there is something wrong about having a good hand vs. others with bad hands. This disconnect is guilt). The compassion she eventually felt came from and is a defense of the same feeling: guilt. That’s right; I’m claiming all (or most) volunteer work is a result of the often unconscious self-serving need to diminish guilt. Is this bad? This can be debated, but it at the very least drives good causes.

To answer question 2), at the basic unconscious level, compassion is self-serving. How the hell am I ever to be truly concerned with Laura’s (you for example) contentment from a non selfish platform? What motivates me to listen to her problems and actually hear what she is saying? Well I care about you, right? Where does that care come from?

If you trace it back far enough you will find it comes from guilt from empathy from our conditioned past. To rephrase question 3), is it possible to demonstrate an unfiltered, unadulterated compassion and concern for YOUR wellbeing that does not stem from my subconscious, but rather from a compassion that stems from nothing, but the present moment? Anticlimactically, no we can not. Despite how religious, spiritual or pure, we are still very much physical entities that are influenced by our blue print (genetics) and nature (experience). However, we are very much capable of doing the next best thing and that is simply recognizing the origins of our thought, urges and actions.

Psychological recognition is much easier said than done. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s been a major hub for intellectual debate and study for thousands of years. With that in mind, the task is quite daunting and questionably worth the time. Live in the present as much as you can. Since this present moment is all there is and ever will be, understand that the past is nothing more than a biased view of the present and the future is an interpolation based on our skewed idea of history. Hone your mental abilities to disregard the past or in other words take mental thought out all together. When I’m listening to you I do my best to concentrate on the sound and inflection of the words, take conscious note of my surroundings, feel my breathing and just listen without bias (as much as possible). I may offer advice here and there, but that’s secondary to feeling what you have to say just for the sake of feeling. To not empathize with your situation, but to void every thought, memory, emotion out of my being and just listen; to create a blank template for you to confide in. As soon as all superficialities are stripped from thought – fostering an understanding for the temporary and fleeting nature of our form – we can learn to put the happiness of others before ourselves. It is said this will bring true happiness. With that in mind, try not to do it for yourself ;)

Is it possible to foster compassion for my friends that is not self serving? This is yet to be determined due to the complexities of the human consciousness. Can I create broader depth and meaning in terms of happiness and contentment for my friends? Absolutely.

Mission Statement (To Myself): Why Did I Sellout The Right?

2008-09-20T16:42:00.013-05:00

If you're thinking I'm talking about the political and religious right, you are more wrong than when God gave George W. Bush Divine directives on foreign policy in the middle east. You are more wrong than Pat Robertson attributing Hurricane Katrina with homosexuality. You are more wrong than the megalomaniacal god of the Old Testament. You are more wrong than the physiological effects of overdosing on fiber. You are more wrong than that Jen-girl who tried to make out with me during Schindler's List; more to do with Seinfeldian Theory than Freudian Theory. You are more wrong than the socio-evolutionary correlation between density of cranial hair and virility. The right I speak of is actually the creative hemisphere of my brain that has been suffocated for the last decade.

Whether or not the characteristics of the respective lobes are more dominate than the others is beside the point. The primary outlet for my creativity in the last ten years could be defined as: The momentous effect of allowing irrational thoughts to sabotage my life (resulting in a perpetual apathy that clouded everything until that culminating moment). For sake of clarity, the time before that moment will be referred to as Pre Moment Satisfaction (PMS), and the time after that moment will be referred to as Sudden Enlightenment Culminating in Satisfaction, or SECS.

Obviously PMS was not pleasant, but as soon as I experienced SECS, everything opened up. There wasn't a singular feeling of comfort knowing that everything was going to be ok, rather an understanding that the concept of O.K. only exists in my mind. There was only an ok if I wanted there to be an ok. There was no good nor bad until there was meaning attached to moment. Very existential, huh? Anyway, soon after the initial SECS moment, I began to experience SECS on a regular basis. The SECS started out slow at first, but soon I was experiencing SECS all the time. Ironically, most of the SECS was with myself, often times I had SECS with someone and once I even had sex, shit, I mean SECS, with multiple partners simultaneously! It is my belief that the majority of us has SECS at least once and the experience greatly varies for each person. Sometimes we go a long time without SECS, this period for me was known as PMS. PMS prevented my ability to foster any type of creativity in my life. Since that initial SECS, the cognitive pressure has been building up and looking for a release - a massive release, and a BLOGSPOT WAS CREATED!

I am not an artist of any type; I cannot read music and my brush stroke is more of a brush jab. The art I refer to is an ability to impart something completely unique - in form and order - to the universe for sake of nothing other than doing something different. That's what art is isn't it? Therein lies my fundamental problem with creativity and art. With a right brain that has sufficient stagnation for mosquito breeding and in a world of influence, is it possible to create something completely unique in form? Hasn't everything already been done? Remember the episode of the The Twighlight Zone with the tiny civilization that sprouts in the pitri dish; then done again by the Outer Limits; then done again with Lisa's lost tooth in The Simpsons; then done again in South Park with Cartman's fish tank, the semen and the brine shrimp. So let me rephrase, is it possible to create something completely unique in order? I'm confident I can take an idea from you, that guy in the corner and the satirist and come up with an originalish thought. Just remember, everything I create, rearrange, plagiarize - call it what you will - is a result of my interaction with you.

Everything I create is a testament to you. That's right, YOU. I came into this world, not with a blue print, but with a first draft. When the smoke cleared, I was the proud owner of 23 chromosomes from my mother and 23 chromosomes from my father. Used chromosomes to say the least. Here I was, this jelly-covered used car; not even a rough draft, but a first draft. Despite everything imparted on me by my parents; my alcoholism, abusive nature, affinity for dendraphila -- my dad is a perverted botanist -- I keep on stumbling on. I didn't realize it at the time, but there was another aspect to my mental development, you! Nature, experience, SECS, call it what you will, every interaction I have had with you, no matter how minute, has had an effect on my brain chemistry; just as I have had you. You are an integral in my equation; just as I am in yours. We are but pinballs bouncing in the night. Enough of the melodrama already. Articles of faith aside, we are all used cars. I don't want to be a used car anymore. I want something more than my analytical career. *Low, ominous voice**I want a blog.

Whether my cognition is analogous to a used car or not, there are parts of my mind that are eager for exploration and refinement. Jake why are you making this public though? Hell I dunno. Maybe my ego wants to impart something tangible on the universe. Maybe I have some strange preoccupation with the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) and want to be proactive. Maybe it's trendy. Whatever the reason, I've been looking for an outlet and for the time being this is it. A stream-of-consciousness platform to express my opinions and frustrations until the towel can stand up on its own.

Love and Logic

Disparate Thought

Power to the PeaceFUL

THE CONSTITUTION: FUCK YEAH!!

Response to Juan Williams Firing

BUTT-SEX INDUCED RETARD FROG-SQUIRREL

Capitalism as Proxy for Truth???

Stream of Lottery-Balls:

A Book (Book) Review

Hell Froze Over

I Love Airport(s) (Bar(s))

Mel Gibson's Pancake Nipples in all Their Glory

Ten Commandments Vs. Ten Commandments:

I Worship YOU Carl Sagan!

Days of My Life (via iphone and a self-hating neo-luddite)

Shakira, "Statistics Don't Lie and I'm Starting to Feel It's Right"

Christopher Hitchens Meet God's Wrath

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

Alien Penis to Planetary Intercourse: Is it Sodomy?

The Barbarians... A Dialogue: Response to Brain

The Barbarians Are Coming!

Islam a peaceful religion?

Daily Thoughts

Exploiting fat kid... Childhood obesity is hilarious

Hey Jude

Fighting semantic misinformation with polls that make me embarrassed to share a country with these people:

I'm a Farmer, I Like to Grow Meat and Beans.. and Potatoes Too

The Intellectual Elite Paradox

Stewart v O'Reilly

Greenspan/Waxman video for previous post

When an economist admits he is wrong and no one is around to hear it...

MUST SEE!!!!

God This Sucks

**Update*** Diver Bar COMPLETE!!

postS to last post

Rebuttal to Illogic..

Supreme Court decision strips the people of any remaining voice...

Dive Bar: Day 5 and Beyond...

Dive Bar: Day 3 and 4

Dive Bar: Day 2

Dive Bar: Day 1

Funniest Fucking (and little known) Cartman Songs + DVDA

Thought Stream...

Bygones Be Here; I'll Just Leave

"Capitalism In Its Best Form"

It Depends What The Definition of Is, Is...

I've never felt closer to a lyrical diatribe...

Electricity for Dummies

Alternative Medicine: Better Take Your Gullibex

Kitty Vindication

American Terrorist Logic

Kittens Inspired By Kittens Hilarity

Michele Bachman Crazy Audio

Dry Sphincter Heaves

Michele Bachman is a Cunt

Questions Posed By My Roomate?

Blog Wars: Fighting Jaundiced Journalism

Odds & Ends & Breakfast Chili & Self-Inflicted Sore Throats & Sabbath Tequila & Perpetual Snot Drip.... oh and the...

In light of the philosophical melodrama of most of my blog posts, I present a dumbed-down manifesto regarding piss and sex jello.

Jake's Science Theatre 2000 - 1st Installment

Are you as smart as a the dumb kid?

Military Falsely Accuses Consultant of Treason

Religion as Art

EVERYONE IN CHICAGO IS GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING SEX TO DEMOCRACY! GOOD FOR THEM.

Amidst all the skin and brain eating, we forgot about love

Rebuttal to "excellent article"

She's Gone from Suck to Blow (Spaceballs)

Ignorance Incarnate

New McCarthyism

Whiskey and Aspartame Digressions

Sarah Palin: Admitted Pro-Life Extremist

Seriously, This Chick Is Awesome

New Spokesperson for Atheists

Butt-Licker Awards

Black Like….Amy Winehouse? What?!

Back on the North of My Bipolar (blogo)Sphere.

Hurricane Kyle: The little storm system that just couldn’t and how it came to be the Acadian Peninsula’s event of the decade.

Response to Self-Titled

0.00000000001 Cubic Meters/Kg/Seconds Squared on Your MotherF#$@#*n Head!

Spreading Christian Love

A Few Visuals...

Update* Diver Bar COMPLETE!!